melancholy post
So having relocated to OH, I find myself surrounded by Rickey's friends. He has a lot of history here. I suppose it is jealousy that I feel. The stories he tells about his friends and the things he did. I know have stories, but most of them, let's face it, are not PG13. I mean I spent most of my time in high school as a "sexually liberated unaware teenager" (aka slut) and now that I'm older I'm experiencing a lot of feelings of regret because my past is so soiled by my indiscretions that I can't really open up and talk about it for fear of sounding like a complete idiot. Not that I would undo my experiences. I enjoyed every single one of them, and in a lot of ways my naughty behaviors have made me who I am now. As a girlfriend/fiance I feel that I am pretty reasonable. I mean Rickey and I fight sometimes, because I let the dishes pile up or because he sleeps in too late. In the grand scheme of things that's not really that big of a deal.
I'm also kind of glad I was the way I was, because it grew me up quickly. My entire time in college I wasn't that way. I didn't have encounters with people I barely knew, I tried something different and found I liked it a lot better. I think for the most part I'm happy with my life the way it is now. I give killer love advice because thanks to all my high school encounters I've experienced a lot of it for myself. I've also had time to reflect on and understand why I behaved the way I did.
But enough lamenting about the days when I was a bit slutty (as shameful as it is, it is also a lot of fun).
The real reason I am melancholy is because of all of the countless people I've lost touch with. Now that I am no longer in New Jersey I'm sort of panicking. All of the people I once knew, I will probably never know again. That is a terrifying thought because I did really enjoy the friendships I had with my friends from Montgomery as well as my friends from Stuart. on some level I always thought that someday we'll be friends again, because at the times of our friendships I felt so warmly for each person.
i doubt many actually even use live journal any more. I can't bear to try and make a list because I'm afraid it will be unnaturally long for my 21 years.
I'm also kind of glad I was the way I was, because it grew me up quickly. My entire time in college I wasn't that way. I didn't have encounters with people I barely knew, I tried something different and found I liked it a lot better. I think for the most part I'm happy with my life the way it is now. I give killer love advice because thanks to all my high school encounters I've experienced a lot of it for myself. I've also had time to reflect on and understand why I behaved the way I did.
But enough lamenting about the days when I was a bit slutty (as shameful as it is, it is also a lot of fun).
The real reason I am melancholy is because of all of the countless people I've lost touch with. Now that I am no longer in New Jersey I'm sort of panicking. All of the people I once knew, I will probably never know again. That is a terrifying thought because I did really enjoy the friendships I had with my friends from Montgomery as well as my friends from Stuart. on some level I always thought that someday we'll be friends again, because at the times of our friendships I felt so warmly for each person.
i doubt many actually even use live journal any more. I can't bear to try and make a list because I'm afraid it will be unnaturally long for my 21 years.