I am going to start using LJ Again
I miss using LJ, I remember how connected it made me feel to my friends. I've recently moved to Ohio and maybe LJ will provide me with the means of reconnecting with people I used to know. I've recently started making wrestling gear more seriously, and I am also currently working at Joann Fabrics. I'm still looking for a job that may be more suitable for my level of education and natural abilities
Lately I've been feeling kind of trapped. Like I'm making a lot of bad decisions and before I know it I'm going to be on welfare and trapped in a loveless marriage. It's a little paranoid but Ohio lacks a lot of things tat I would like. For instance, in my home I have no oven, stove or fridge. My job sucks, Rickey doesn't have a job and I know I have the potential to be doing SO much more with my life. The only reason I'm not is because I'm staying with Rickey.
What sucks is I feel like I can't even really complain about it to anyone because people like my family and I'm sure a few of my friends think that he's below me, and that I could do a lot better if I just broke up with him. That is shitty because I would prefer to not break up with him. It's like I deserve the bullshit I'm putting up with because I'm choosing to be with him. I feel guilty because I'm buying into class related social stereotypes and I would love love love to be above them. Rickey is an excellent person, but he is lazy a little bit racist and he's somewhat of the cause for me to not be reaching my full potential. this is something my father has actually told me,and I wouldn't like to admit that he's right because I actually like Rickey, even though his levels of ambition are much lower than mine.
I don't want people to actually think that I can do better, because I'm complaining about Rickey now. He is very sweet to me a lot of the time, I'm pretty spoiled. The only way he can make up for his shortcomings is to spoil me in other ways. Just like I spoil him to make up for my shortcomings. Is that even how relationships are supposed to work?
Unfortunately the thing about relationships is that you sort of braid your life into the strands of someone else's, if you approach it with an attitude of commitment. So now that my life is really entwined with his I don't really want to bother untangling myself because that will be much more painful and unpleasant than just dealing with the bullshit.
That's the beauty of life, it is possible to be extremely sick of someone (sometimes) and simultaneously be so ingrained in each other's lives that any other alternative loses value.
Those are my reflections for the time being.
I might try and post again tomorrow.
Oh yea, hi Cat. I miss you.
Lately I've been feeling kind of trapped. Like I'm making a lot of bad decisions and before I know it I'm going to be on welfare and trapped in a loveless marriage. It's a little paranoid but Ohio lacks a lot of things tat I would like. For instance, in my home I have no oven, stove or fridge. My job sucks, Rickey doesn't have a job and I know I have the potential to be doing SO much more with my life. The only reason I'm not is because I'm staying with Rickey.
What sucks is I feel like I can't even really complain about it to anyone because people like my family and I'm sure a few of my friends think that he's below me, and that I could do a lot better if I just broke up with him. That is shitty because I would prefer to not break up with him. It's like I deserve the bullshit I'm putting up with because I'm choosing to be with him. I feel guilty because I'm buying into class related social stereotypes and I would love love love to be above them. Rickey is an excellent person, but he is lazy a little bit racist and he's somewhat of the cause for me to not be reaching my full potential. this is something my father has actually told me,and I wouldn't like to admit that he's right because I actually like Rickey, even though his levels of ambition are much lower than mine.
I don't want people to actually think that I can do better, because I'm complaining about Rickey now. He is very sweet to me a lot of the time, I'm pretty spoiled. The only way he can make up for his shortcomings is to spoil me in other ways. Just like I spoil him to make up for my shortcomings. Is that even how relationships are supposed to work?
Unfortunately the thing about relationships is that you sort of braid your life into the strands of someone else's, if you approach it with an attitude of commitment. So now that my life is really entwined with his I don't really want to bother untangling myself because that will be much more painful and unpleasant than just dealing with the bullshit.
That's the beauty of life, it is possible to be extremely sick of someone (sometimes) and simultaneously be so ingrained in each other's lives that any other alternative loses value.
Those are my reflections for the time being.
I might try and post again tomorrow.
Oh yea, hi Cat. I miss you.