our hearts are all breaking.. but they're breaking t-o-g-e-t-h-e-r

[porcelainhart]

Well these past few weeks have got to be the most stressful weeks of my life. I haven't gone to my classes since last wednesday =/.. so i'm very behind in school... but hopfully i will catch up. Little Julius ::sigh:: he's so beautiful, i mean really... it's not very often when babys are BORN beautiful.. he looks like an angel... even with all these machines hooked up to him... God, it hurts my heart so much to sit there and tell him that i love him and kiss his forehead yet he's just laying there... (sleeping) <-- he hasn't been awake for weeks... my whole family is praying that he'll get better... we don't sleep.. we stay at the hospital every day.... we cry... we attempt to smile every so often... god, it's so hard.. because i love him so much and i'd give up my life if God would just give him his....I hate to see my sister Jessykah in pain... i love her so much and i'd take every bit of her pain in a heart beat if i was given the choice (to take it away from her)... The doctors tested his brain activity today... and they had said they thought it was going to come out as a flat line.. but he still has movement... which means he has a chance....it's crazy how close all the familys have gotten in these past few weeks...the "waiting" room has now been labeled as the Muniz Waiting room... thats how much family we have staying just to see if he's ok.. we even brought cots to sleep on.. I really don't know... I hope that he makes it.. i don't know what we'll all do if he doesnt... he's so beautiful... seeing him the way he is...makes me want to die...you know id always heard about these tragic things on TV or in the Newspapers.. but never did i think it would happen to our family... but we are all holding on.. and we never leave his sight... Aside from that... Richard has got to be the most cold hearted person i've ever met...i know that it isn't right to not forgive.. but im so weak right now.. and i have no stregth to give in anymore...i don't have any strength to argue or carry on.. if he wanted it bad enough.. he'd see that im already going through a really hard time and he'd either tell me goodbye..or say hello... but he does neither.. and i guess he'll just never get the chance too either...atleast not anymore =/....

"You always come back when I'm at my weakest,
When i'm fool enough to let you in. Saying how
this time around is different, asking if I
want to try again....

I do, but I don't
I want to, but I won't
I am, but I ain't
I could, but I just can't
It feels right, but it's wrong
and I've hurt way to long
so if you're asking if I know
what i want...
I do, but I don't

What resistance I have left within me...
I loose each time you're holding me this close..
with every bitter sweet kiss you tempt me..
asking if i want to let you go....

I do, but I don't
I want to, but I won't
I am, but I ain't
I could, but I just can't
IT feels right, but it's wrong
and I've hurt way to long
so if you're asking if I know
what i want...
I do, but I don't.."