I'm going to be gay and fight through livejournal. I'm awesome!
"i am so sorry that i've been a shitty
friend to you lately. i don't mean to be. i'm busy and stressed, but
that is no excuse. i obviously have time to write in my livejournal, so
i obviously have the time to give you a call or at least write you an
email. i miss you... i feel so stupid because it seems like i've
treated my good friends like shit and my shitty friends like Goddesses.
i tried so hard to maintain my friendships with jacklyn, kendra and
kristine even though they were mean, judgemental and rude to me and
other people... they don't know anything about me anymore, nor do they
care to ask."
FIRST OFF if you have time to write a livejournal entry, why the hell couldn't you call me kendra or kristine? You say yourself you are so busy with work, josh, school,homework, and family. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY PRETTY FUCKING BUSY. Therefore, why would we call you to see when you have free time? When you are in your car going to Joshes or work or something, why couldn't you call one of us? Oh that's right, you're on the phone with Josh. You know I don't have a job so I'm always not busy. We could have made plans. We don't know your schedule. When we would call you, you wouldn't pick up your phone cause you were either with josh or work or school. We leave a message and we don't get a call back. It happens all the time, hence the reason why we stopped calling.
"the defintion of insanity is: "Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result."
Thanks for proving we were insane to do so.
Sure I'm using we because yes we are a "group" if that's what you want to call it. We all feel the exact same way on this. We all came up to your work cause you were having a bad day and we wanted to see if you were alright. We didn't want to gain up on you and intimidate you.
Does anyone notice that I'm doing the same thing with my friends? I try to call them more often, I try to hang out with them more often, I try breaking up with my boyfriend, I try ignoring my boyfriend - and the same fucking shit keeps happening. They blame it on the boyfriend - I blame it on having a fucking shitty friendship.
You called me more often when you were happy with Ken. And you're either lying now or you lied to me before hand. You told me you broke up with Josh because he was being an ass and you noticed nothing would change with him. You don't try ignoring him. You pick up the phone when you finally do hang out with us and you bitch and bitch and bitch to him when we're in a car. You yell and scream. Hello? Small area and yelling equals headach. Who wants that? And shitty friendship? Who was always there for you for everything you needed? Who told you the truth about everything? Who didn't beat around the bush? That's what I thought. After you would get off the phone and finally put your phone on silent you rant about him. Then we would rant our feeling we felt about him right back. That's what friends do believe it or not. If we hear and witness all of the bad stuff 99% of the time and then just hear a one liner from you saying "he's diffrent when it's just him and I", we don't beleive you. Infact, we've heard from other sources it's still the same. And trust me, this source is a direct source.
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm just looking for attention but... umm, okay, I'm looking for attention. I just don't get the type I need or want.
What more do you want? You have a boyfriend, school, friends, a family. What kind of attention are you now looking for? What isn't good enough for you? The friendship with Kristine Kendra and I? What more could we do? Be repetitive and call you everyday asking you to hang out when you're just going to end up on the phone with Josh? Why can't you pick up the phone when we call when you're with him but you HAVE to pick up his calls? Fair? I think not.
I feel like everyone hates me.
Do you not see how you treat people?
I call Jacklyn, crying, and tell her that I'm frustrated and explain my conversation with Kristine. I get the same response out of her. Then I say, "Well, what about Derek? He threw Kristine into a fucking couch and almost paralyzed her. But you and Kendra love him." Jacklyn: "Well, he's apologized to us." Me: "So has Josh." Jacklyn: "Well... he's just... different." What the flying FUCK.
If two people are saying the same thing within a short period of time, maybe that should tell you something. Why would you even bring Derek and Kristine up? It's not about them and you can not compare them to you and Josh when you know very little about it. You don't see it. When Kristine and Derek are fighting, Derek is still extremly nice to Kendra and I. His attitude never changes towards us. He's a real gentelmen actually to Kendra and I. So good try with that one. Close, but no.
So I was rude to them - whatever. How many times have they been rude to me by not calling me or not caring about how I'm doing?
So you're indirectly calling yourself rude for not doing the same. Awesome, we're finding things about ourselves as well. This is fantastic.
I'm wondering at this point... "Maybe I should break up with Josh. Maybe its all his fault." But then I realized... it's NOT. I know that some of you out there think that it is, but let me just tell you. I've broken up with him and tried to hang out with them... its still the same. I've gone on weekend vacations with them... its still the same. They don't care enough to call me just to ask me how I'm doing. They ask me, "Why don't you call us?" Because first of all... as a lot of you know... I don't like making phone calls. I have a habit of not returning them and not making them in the first place, thats a weakness of mine. Second of all, I'm fucking BUSY. I work 20+ hours a week, I'm taking 16 credits, I'm trying to get an estate sale together by this weekend [which by the way is nowhere near being ready], and I have a boyfriend and family that I like to spend time with because they care about what I'm doing. How do they get together every day and hang out? Doesn't someone have to call someone? So why can't they call me???
See, you're a very busy girl. So when you know you have some free time coming up, make a phone call. Maybe we don't like making phone calls either. I don't know how many times I've told you that. Or maybe we don't like making phone calls that we know will get us no where but yet another dissappointment. Wouldn't it make more sense to call us when you have the time instead of us calling you only to get your voicemail and no returned call? Think about it. It's quite a concept.
Maybe they think I won't hang out with them because I have plans with Josh. Okay, well call me. If I have plans with Josh and what you're doing is like once in a lifetime opportunity, I will probably give up my plans with Josh for you. If you're just going to shoot the shit, I'll probably say, "No thanks, sorry I made plans with Josh, but lets make plans for tomorrow." Or maybe they think I don't want to do what they are doing. Well, still, call me. Ask me if I want to do what you're doing because you can't read minds.
Ya wanna know something just hysterical? Kristine Kendra and I usually do just shoot the shit with eachother. That's how we know eachother so well. We sit around and talk. We go out to eat and we talk. We go somewhere and talk. Amazing how it works, I know, it shocked me too. So if you have no time to just shoot the shit then how do you have time to do anything else. I guess you don't like shooting the shit so once again, why would we call you?
"Give US a call when you get out." Like they are a fucking unit! It's so intimidating to hang out with them because they spend so much time together [since they never call me to include me] and I was definetly not about to hang out with them or talk to them in the mood I was in. I never heard from them again since then until tonight when Kristine IMed me. Though they all noted in some way that I was ignoring them. So fucking call me and say, "Hey, are you ignoring me? Are you mad at me for some reason?" Just leaving it alone is like a big flashing vegas sign... "I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!
False. When people generally hang out together it's a "call us" and not a "call me" kind of thing. If it was a "call me" it would make it sound like "just call me, don't worry about calling them, just call me and me only". And if you were suppose to call us then why would we call you? You were the one to ignore first. Maybe we thought you didn't want to talk to us yet and when you were ready you would, why push things? Yet another crazy idea I know. Silly Kristine. Silly Kendra. Silly me. All seperate. Just the way I guess it should be.
Yet, I'm the one getting the shit end of the stick... because my boyfriend isn't good enough for them. And I spend too much time with him.
That's because you're the busiest. We don't think your boyfriend is good enough for you. We know you can do a lot better. But hey, if you love him and want to be with him, then by all means, be together forever, get married and have eachothers babies. I support you. I don't like him, but I support you in what you want to do.
I'm sorry I didn't realize how rude, mean and judgmental they were [seems like they can't stand most of the people I'm friends with or any of the guys I date]. I'm sorry that I've been busy, that I don't know how to return phone calls, that I don't take the time more often to write a little note in livejournal or send an IM or email.
Do you remember when you didn't talk to me because I dated Drew? Hmmm.. alright, just checking. For some odd reason that memory came flooding back. Let's see.. I don't like Josh. I liked John, Brandon, Kyle etc. I liked lee when he wasn't on drugs. As for we don't like your friends? Where the hell did you get something like that? It kind of made me giggle considering the fact that we don't know a lot of your other friends.. you don't talk about them anyways so which friends? I always thought I liked your friends but I guess I was wrong. I had no idea I didn't like them. I'm sorry.
And to those three girls, you know who you are: if you want to prove to me that you care, you know what to do. Even then, I don't know if you can make up for the past couple of months, even the past year where I've been ignored and left out just because I have a boyfriend, a job, a family, and school to work on.
Shouldn't you be making it up to us?
It's just like the "Megan and Lee" situation. You couldn't say megan without Lee and you couldn't say Lee without Megan. Now it's you can't same Megan without Josh or Josh without Megan.
Where did all of this come from anyways? I guess you were the one not being honest to us on how you felt. Why are you making yourself out to be the victim? We obviously had no idea of what was going on inside that head of yours. I personally think this whole fight is just ridiculous. And how dare you say that we don't care about you and don't show it. Who rushed over to your house and stayed with you till 2:30 in the morning on a school night the night your grandma was dieing? Who stayed with you when you were having your panic attacks? Who would always welcome you over to have a cigarette and rant about how badly your boyfriend was treating you or how all stress in your life was finally getting to you? Who would do anything for you? Did I ever ask for anything in return? No, do you know why? Because I was a good friend to you. When ever you needed me, I was there and you know it.
I guess none of that meant anything to you so thank you for breaking my heart talking shit about kendra kristine and I.
I can't believe it's that easy for you to give up 3 friendships.
I hope you're happy with Josh, I hope you have a great life, I hope everything goes the way you want it to. I hope you don't regret this.
If you change your mind and realize things more clearly, you know how to get ahold of me.
I'm not going to call you when you're the one being unreasonable, and being a hypocrit. You always bitched about people doing what we're doing through livejournal. Way to start it.
I could have been the bigger person and called you but I won't do that cause all I would do is rip you a new asshole. I'm so pissed and hurt Megan.
FIRST OFF if you have time to write a livejournal entry, why the hell couldn't you call me kendra or kristine? You say yourself you are so busy with work, josh, school,homework, and family. YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY PRETTY FUCKING BUSY. Therefore, why would we call you to see when you have free time? When you are in your car going to Joshes or work or something, why couldn't you call one of us? Oh that's right, you're on the phone with Josh. You know I don't have a job so I'm always not busy. We could have made plans. We don't know your schedule. When we would call you, you wouldn't pick up your phone cause you were either with josh or work or school. We leave a message and we don't get a call back. It happens all the time, hence the reason why we stopped calling.
"the defintion of insanity is: "Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result."
Thanks for proving we were insane to do so.
Sure I'm using we because yes we are a "group" if that's what you want to call it. We all feel the exact same way on this. We all came up to your work cause you were having a bad day and we wanted to see if you were alright. We didn't want to gain up on you and intimidate you.
Does anyone notice that I'm doing the same thing with my friends? I try to call them more often, I try to hang out with them more often, I try breaking up with my boyfriend, I try ignoring my boyfriend - and the same fucking shit keeps happening. They blame it on the boyfriend - I blame it on having a fucking shitty friendship.
You called me more often when you were happy with Ken. And you're either lying now or you lied to me before hand. You told me you broke up with Josh because he was being an ass and you noticed nothing would change with him. You don't try ignoring him. You pick up the phone when you finally do hang out with us and you bitch and bitch and bitch to him when we're in a car. You yell and scream. Hello? Small area and yelling equals headach. Who wants that? And shitty friendship? Who was always there for you for everything you needed? Who told you the truth about everything? Who didn't beat around the bush? That's what I thought. After you would get off the phone and finally put your phone on silent you rant about him. Then we would rant our feeling we felt about him right back. That's what friends do believe it or not. If we hear and witness all of the bad stuff 99% of the time and then just hear a one liner from you saying "he's diffrent when it's just him and I", we don't beleive you. Infact, we've heard from other sources it's still the same. And trust me, this source is a direct source.
I'm sorry if I sound like I'm just looking for attention but... umm, okay, I'm looking for attention. I just don't get the type I need or want.
What more do you want? You have a boyfriend, school, friends, a family. What kind of attention are you now looking for? What isn't good enough for you? The friendship with Kristine Kendra and I? What more could we do? Be repetitive and call you everyday asking you to hang out when you're just going to end up on the phone with Josh? Why can't you pick up the phone when we call when you're with him but you HAVE to pick up his calls? Fair? I think not.
I feel like everyone hates me.
Do you not see how you treat people?
I call Jacklyn, crying, and tell her that I'm frustrated and explain my conversation with Kristine. I get the same response out of her. Then I say, "Well, what about Derek? He threw Kristine into a fucking couch and almost paralyzed her. But you and Kendra love him." Jacklyn: "Well, he's apologized to us." Me: "So has Josh." Jacklyn: "Well... he's just... different." What the flying FUCK.
If two people are saying the same thing within a short period of time, maybe that should tell you something. Why would you even bring Derek and Kristine up? It's not about them and you can not compare them to you and Josh when you know very little about it. You don't see it. When Kristine and Derek are fighting, Derek is still extremly nice to Kendra and I. His attitude never changes towards us. He's a real gentelmen actually to Kendra and I. So good try with that one. Close, but no.
So I was rude to them - whatever. How many times have they been rude to me by not calling me or not caring about how I'm doing?
So you're indirectly calling yourself rude for not doing the same. Awesome, we're finding things about ourselves as well. This is fantastic.
I'm wondering at this point... "Maybe I should break up with Josh. Maybe its all his fault." But then I realized... it's NOT. I know that some of you out there think that it is, but let me just tell you. I've broken up with him and tried to hang out with them... its still the same. I've gone on weekend vacations with them... its still the same. They don't care enough to call me just to ask me how I'm doing. They ask me, "Why don't you call us?" Because first of all... as a lot of you know... I don't like making phone calls. I have a habit of not returning them and not making them in the first place, thats a weakness of mine. Second of all, I'm fucking BUSY. I work 20+ hours a week, I'm taking 16 credits, I'm trying to get an estate sale together by this weekend [which by the way is nowhere near being ready], and I have a boyfriend and family that I like to spend time with because they care about what I'm doing. How do they get together every day and hang out? Doesn't someone have to call someone? So why can't they call me???
See, you're a very busy girl. So when you know you have some free time coming up, make a phone call. Maybe we don't like making phone calls either. I don't know how many times I've told you that. Or maybe we don't like making phone calls that we know will get us no where but yet another dissappointment. Wouldn't it make more sense to call us when you have the time instead of us calling you only to get your voicemail and no returned call? Think about it. It's quite a concept.
Maybe they think I won't hang out with them because I have plans with Josh. Okay, well call me. If I have plans with Josh and what you're doing is like once in a lifetime opportunity, I will probably give up my plans with Josh for you. If you're just going to shoot the shit, I'll probably say, "No thanks, sorry I made plans with Josh, but lets make plans for tomorrow." Or maybe they think I don't want to do what they are doing. Well, still, call me. Ask me if I want to do what you're doing because you can't read minds.
Ya wanna know something just hysterical? Kristine Kendra and I usually do just shoot the shit with eachother. That's how we know eachother so well. We sit around and talk. We go out to eat and we talk. We go somewhere and talk. Amazing how it works, I know, it shocked me too. So if you have no time to just shoot the shit then how do you have time to do anything else. I guess you don't like shooting the shit so once again, why would we call you?
"Give US a call when you get out." Like they are a fucking unit! It's so intimidating to hang out with them because they spend so much time together [since they never call me to include me] and I was definetly not about to hang out with them or talk to them in the mood I was in. I never heard from them again since then until tonight when Kristine IMed me. Though they all noted in some way that I was ignoring them. So fucking call me and say, "Hey, are you ignoring me? Are you mad at me for some reason?" Just leaving it alone is like a big flashing vegas sign... "I DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!
False. When people generally hang out together it's a "call us" and not a "call me" kind of thing. If it was a "call me" it would make it sound like "just call me, don't worry about calling them, just call me and me only". And if you were suppose to call us then why would we call you? You were the one to ignore first. Maybe we thought you didn't want to talk to us yet and when you were ready you would, why push things? Yet another crazy idea I know. Silly Kristine. Silly Kendra. Silly me. All seperate. Just the way I guess it should be.
Yet, I'm the one getting the shit end of the stick... because my boyfriend isn't good enough for them. And I spend too much time with him.
That's because you're the busiest. We don't think your boyfriend is good enough for you. We know you can do a lot better. But hey, if you love him and want to be with him, then by all means, be together forever, get married and have eachothers babies. I support you. I don't like him, but I support you in what you want to do.
I'm sorry I didn't realize how rude, mean and judgmental they were [seems like they can't stand most of the people I'm friends with or any of the guys I date]. I'm sorry that I've been busy, that I don't know how to return phone calls, that I don't take the time more often to write a little note in livejournal or send an IM or email.
Do you remember when you didn't talk to me because I dated Drew? Hmmm.. alright, just checking. For some odd reason that memory came flooding back. Let's see.. I don't like Josh. I liked John, Brandon, Kyle etc. I liked lee when he wasn't on drugs. As for we don't like your friends? Where the hell did you get something like that? It kind of made me giggle considering the fact that we don't know a lot of your other friends.. you don't talk about them anyways so which friends? I always thought I liked your friends but I guess I was wrong. I had no idea I didn't like them. I'm sorry.
And to those three girls, you know who you are: if you want to prove to me that you care, you know what to do. Even then, I don't know if you can make up for the past couple of months, even the past year where I've been ignored and left out just because I have a boyfriend, a job, a family, and school to work on.
Shouldn't you be making it up to us?
It's just like the "Megan and Lee" situation. You couldn't say megan without Lee and you couldn't say Lee without Megan. Now it's you can't same Megan without Josh or Josh without Megan.
Where did all of this come from anyways? I guess you were the one not being honest to us on how you felt. Why are you making yourself out to be the victim? We obviously had no idea of what was going on inside that head of yours. I personally think this whole fight is just ridiculous. And how dare you say that we don't care about you and don't show it. Who rushed over to your house and stayed with you till 2:30 in the morning on a school night the night your grandma was dieing? Who stayed with you when you were having your panic attacks? Who would always welcome you over to have a cigarette and rant about how badly your boyfriend was treating you or how all stress in your life was finally getting to you? Who would do anything for you? Did I ever ask for anything in return? No, do you know why? Because I was a good friend to you. When ever you needed me, I was there and you know it.
I guess none of that meant anything to you so thank you for breaking my heart talking shit about kendra kristine and I.
I can't believe it's that easy for you to give up 3 friendships.
I hope you're happy with Josh, I hope you have a great life, I hope everything goes the way you want it to. I hope you don't regret this.
If you change your mind and realize things more clearly, you know how to get ahold of me.
I'm not going to call you when you're the one being unreasonable, and being a hypocrit. You always bitched about people doing what we're doing through livejournal. Way to start it.
I could have been the bigger person and called you but I won't do that cause all I would do is rip you a new asshole. I'm so pissed and hurt Megan.