i dont know what to do anymore.
i really flipping hate myself. im not even kidding.
i want to be thin, but i did the right thing and went through treatment and am in recovery, buy what do i get out of it? i get FAT and FATTER.
i want to dig a hole and bury myself in it, but i get up, get out, and i come here and blog about my life, but what do i get out of it? no support, no comments, no appreciation, nothing.
i want to die, but i push on, but what do i get out of it? a miserable fucking existence.
i want to be introverted, a hermit, by myself, etc but i try to make friends, go out with them, do things, but what do i get out of it? i get to be the fattest person in the group, every time.
i hate my life.
hate hate hate my life.
when i was skinny, i was unhealthy, but i was happy.
when i was 94 pounds i loved the way i looked, but i was about to drop dead.
when i was thin, i was outgoing and loved to go out and do things, but i was committing a slow suicide.
i was committing a slow suicide, but i loved my life and i wanted to live.
when i didnt eat, i was strong, perfect, clean.
i was unstable, but i was happy.
i looked like a skeleton, but my smile was real.
now i am healthy, but i hate myself.
now i am 149 pounds, but i hate the way i look and i want to drop dead.
now i am fat, i am introverted, i keep to myself, i am embarrassed to go out looking like this, and i want to commit suicide.
i am too weak to kill myself, but i hate my life and i want to be dead.
now i eat, and i am fluffy, fat, jiggly, disproportionate, have thunder thighs,a nd feel ugly all the damn time.
i am stable, but i am very very very unhappy. all the time.
i look like happy chubby girl, but my smile is fake.
in treatment, they told me i might go over my goal weight FOR A WHILE and then it would go back down. ive been over my goal weight for WAY longer than they said and no one can explain why i just keep getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter...
I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH. I WANT OUT!!! I FEEL LIKE BUGS ARE CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN AND IT ITCHES AND HURTS AND I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I HATE MYSELF!!!! I AM NOT COMFORTABLE LOOKING LIKE THIS I HATE HATE HATE HATE MYSELF!!!
i wish someone or something would end my life because i am too chicken shit to ever do it myself, but i want it so badly. how can anyone be this fat and feel okay about it?
i want to be thin, but i did the right thing and went through treatment and am in recovery, buy what do i get out of it? i get FAT and FATTER.
i want to dig a hole and bury myself in it, but i get up, get out, and i come here and blog about my life, but what do i get out of it? no support, no comments, no appreciation, nothing.
i want to die, but i push on, but what do i get out of it? a miserable fucking existence.
i want to be introverted, a hermit, by myself, etc but i try to make friends, go out with them, do things, but what do i get out of it? i get to be the fattest person in the group, every time.
i hate my life.
hate hate hate my life.
when i was skinny, i was unhealthy, but i was happy.
when i was 94 pounds i loved the way i looked, but i was about to drop dead.
when i was thin, i was outgoing and loved to go out and do things, but i was committing a slow suicide.
i was committing a slow suicide, but i loved my life and i wanted to live.
when i didnt eat, i was strong, perfect, clean.
i was unstable, but i was happy.
i looked like a skeleton, but my smile was real.
now i am healthy, but i hate myself.
now i am 149 pounds, but i hate the way i look and i want to drop dead.
now i am fat, i am introverted, i keep to myself, i am embarrassed to go out looking like this, and i want to commit suicide.
i am too weak to kill myself, but i hate my life and i want to be dead.
now i eat, and i am fluffy, fat, jiggly, disproportionate, have thunder thighs,a nd feel ugly all the damn time.
i am stable, but i am very very very unhappy. all the time.
i look like happy chubby girl, but my smile is fake.
in treatment, they told me i might go over my goal weight FOR A WHILE and then it would go back down. ive been over my goal weight for WAY longer than they said and no one can explain why i just keep getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter...
I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH. I WANT OUT!!! I FEEL LIKE BUGS ARE CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN AND IT ITCHES AND HURTS AND I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! I HATE MYSELF!!!! I AM NOT COMFORTABLE LOOKING LIKE THIS I HATE HATE HATE HATE MYSELF!!!
i wish someone or something would end my life because i am too chicken shit to ever do it myself, but i want it so badly. how can anyone be this fat and feel okay about it?