Never use our brain or we'll suss the game.
Accidentally I
Charm you and tell you
Of the boys I hate, all the girls I hate
All the words I hate, all the clothes I hate
How I'll never be anything I hate
You smile, mention something that you like
Oh, how you'd have a happy life
If you did the things you like
-- Franz Ferdinand, Dark of the Matinée
It's Tuesday night out West and I'm preparing for my first day of work in ages, but in reality, it's my first day of work in a little under a week. For some reason, I'm nervous I've forgotten everything, even though when I was drunk on pints of Stella on Saturday night, I could still recite all those things I need/have to say at work. I'm worried that I missed a day of work when I should've been there (because I'm paranoid), that I filled out my timecard incorrectly (was Thursday paid time off or not?), that I'll have to make stupid small talk with a certain well meaning co-worker. I'm a loner and especially like to be that way at work because I abhor small talk.
It's hard for me to look back on everything that's transpired during the past week or so. It was the first real holiday of my life and in a way it was a bit nerve wracking showing Eric around. I know that Eric takes pleasure in most everything that is vaguely different and challenging, but I couldn't help but be paranoid that he'd find it a waste to be here. I liked Vancouver, but it was slightly disappointing that we weren't able to find anywhere really cool. Even the fun Thursday night we had was spent in a shitty bar with overpriced drinks, but we were too pissed to notice.
His visit has been good in terms of making me think about my life in different terms. Maybe not even different terms, but maybe just appreciating what I have. I know I'll never be able to fully appreciate everything due to my seemingly manic personality. I know my life is good and that I'm living the life of a young twenty-something who usually has fun and has disposable income to a point. Like in Common People, I know that if things ever got bad enough, I could swallow my pride and call home if I really needed anything. I have no real responsibilities except for going to work and paying rent and I'm just floating through life being daft. Perhaps I shouldn't use the word daft, but carefree.
I talked to Emily (Brian's Emily, not my Emily) as we were walking to the Blazers game tonight (another bloody Blazers loss, but I'm so used to them losing that it no longer makes me sad) and I ended up feeling sort of weird about my life as I'm devoid of a plan. I can't really work my way up at work like my dad did at NCR, can I? If I end up going back to HKU, I'd probably be twenty-five when I start and I'll finish close to the age of thirty with an undergraduate's degree in fucking Economics. Do I really want to live in Hong Kong? Would I enjoy it? I know it's not an obligation and my parents certainly don't expect it, but I feel like I owe it to something/someone out there.
Five years ago, I couldn't have imagined myself in the state I'm in, with the friends I have, the job I have, the life I live, the house I live in and so-forth. In fact, I'm not sure what I thought five years ago, except that I'd have it all sussed out by now... and I don't. In five years from now, maybe I'd be married? It seems weird saying that, but I'll be twenty-eight by then, and by God, I hope I've moved up a bit.
I'm really not sure where this insecurity came from as my life is good as I mentioned before. It's good! I'm nuts to be whinging so much! I mean, I had a conversation with a cute girl who I have a crush on about the last Kylie single, I Believe in You and even though she's not very fond of it, she knew of its existence!
Speaking of crushes, I should stick to the one I have here in town, the one I finally managed to talk to, the one whose name I don't know. I'm sure she was just being nice, but maybe like that book at Powell's I glanced through said, I should trust my instincts. After all, this weekend showed me that confidence really does matter. I don't know why I keep worrying about other people yelling me about crushes I have, but I do worry. The voice in my head is telling to not even think about it, but why not? Why not?
There's so much I'd to say, but shouldn't, so I won't. I know that for whatever reason, I almost cried while singing Twins' 精選 on karaoke this afternoon. I know I have trouble shutting my face and that eventually whatever I say will get back to whomever I'm saying it about, but maybe that's why I say it? Why am I worried after I played everything so well on Saturday night? Oh, right, I'm supposed to shut up. It's just that those lyrics at the top of this post remind me of myself, even though I'm skewing the meaning.
Here's a list of some seemingly random things:
1) Thinking of doing this tour some time in the month of March. I've been wanting to do it for ages, of course.
2) Speaking of things related to the first thing on this list, take that, Motherfuckers!
3) Also, my plan is to get my United Airlines tattoo by July. Seriously. Although, I am worried it'll hurt. Stupid low tolerance of pain!
4) I'm either really out of touch or this is a complete surprise for everyone, but that bastard Tung Chee-Hwa is stepping down! I really, really wish I knew how to type out the Dizzee Rascal laugh, because that's how I'm feeling right now.
5) Here is a list of some of my favourite songs of recent times:
-- Sister Saviour by The Rapture
-- Jacqueline by Franz Ferdinand
-- 全身暑假 by 容祖兒 (Joey Yung)
-- Angel in the Snow by Marine Research
-- Filthy/Gorgeous by Scissor Sisters
-- You Won't Forget About Me by Danni Minogue v. Flower Power
-- La La by Ashlee Simpson
-- I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself by Dusty Springfield
-- I Gonna Getcha Good! by Shania Twain
6) Eric's writing about his trip out here was really touching. I'm flattered beyond belief and really glad he had a good time out here. His pictures from his trip are available here. Click on the rest of the ones titled "Holiday" for more and more pictures from our trip up to Canada and our Saturday night.
7) Last but not least, the wheels are in motion for a trip home (Ohio home, not Hong Kong home) during the summer to pick up my car. I'll pick it up from Ohio, drive to Chicago to pick up Brian and we'll take it back to Oregon, perhaps with a stop in St. Louis to watch the Cardinals. This will immensely improve my commute and therefore, my life.
Charm you and tell you
Of the boys I hate, all the girls I hate
All the words I hate, all the clothes I hate
How I'll never be anything I hate
You smile, mention something that you like
Oh, how you'd have a happy life
If you did the things you like
-- Franz Ferdinand, Dark of the Matinée
It's Tuesday night out West and I'm preparing for my first day of work in ages, but in reality, it's my first day of work in a little under a week. For some reason, I'm nervous I've forgotten everything, even though when I was drunk on pints of Stella on Saturday night, I could still recite all those things I need/have to say at work. I'm worried that I missed a day of work when I should've been there (because I'm paranoid), that I filled out my timecard incorrectly (was Thursday paid time off or not?), that I'll have to make stupid small talk with a certain well meaning co-worker. I'm a loner and especially like to be that way at work because I abhor small talk.
It's hard for me to look back on everything that's transpired during the past week or so. It was the first real holiday of my life and in a way it was a bit nerve wracking showing Eric around. I know that Eric takes pleasure in most everything that is vaguely different and challenging, but I couldn't help but be paranoid that he'd find it a waste to be here. I liked Vancouver, but it was slightly disappointing that we weren't able to find anywhere really cool. Even the fun Thursday night we had was spent in a shitty bar with overpriced drinks, but we were too pissed to notice.
His visit has been good in terms of making me think about my life in different terms. Maybe not even different terms, but maybe just appreciating what I have. I know I'll never be able to fully appreciate everything due to my seemingly manic personality. I know my life is good and that I'm living the life of a young twenty-something who usually has fun and has disposable income to a point. Like in Common People, I know that if things ever got bad enough, I could swallow my pride and call home if I really needed anything. I have no real responsibilities except for going to work and paying rent and I'm just floating through life being daft. Perhaps I shouldn't use the word daft, but carefree.
I talked to Emily (Brian's Emily, not my Emily) as we were walking to the Blazers game tonight (another bloody Blazers loss, but I'm so used to them losing that it no longer makes me sad) and I ended up feeling sort of weird about my life as I'm devoid of a plan. I can't really work my way up at work like my dad did at NCR, can I? If I end up going back to HKU, I'd probably be twenty-five when I start and I'll finish close to the age of thirty with an undergraduate's degree in fucking Economics. Do I really want to live in Hong Kong? Would I enjoy it? I know it's not an obligation and my parents certainly don't expect it, but I feel like I owe it to something/someone out there.
Five years ago, I couldn't have imagined myself in the state I'm in, with the friends I have, the job I have, the life I live, the house I live in and so-forth. In fact, I'm not sure what I thought five years ago, except that I'd have it all sussed out by now... and I don't. In five years from now, maybe I'd be married? It seems weird saying that, but I'll be twenty-eight by then, and by God, I hope I've moved up a bit.
I'm really not sure where this insecurity came from as my life is good as I mentioned before. It's good! I'm nuts to be whinging so much! I mean, I had a conversation with a cute girl who I have a crush on about the last Kylie single, I Believe in You and even though she's not very fond of it, she knew of its existence!
Speaking of crushes, I should stick to the one I have here in town, the one I finally managed to talk to, the one whose name I don't know. I'm sure she was just being nice, but maybe like that book at Powell's I glanced through said, I should trust my instincts. After all, this weekend showed me that confidence really does matter. I don't know why I keep worrying about other people yelling me about crushes I have, but I do worry. The voice in my head is telling to not even think about it, but why not? Why not?
There's so much I'd to say, but shouldn't, so I won't. I know that for whatever reason, I almost cried while singing Twins' 精選 on karaoke this afternoon. I know I have trouble shutting my face and that eventually whatever I say will get back to whomever I'm saying it about, but maybe that's why I say it? Why am I worried after I played everything so well on Saturday night? Oh, right, I'm supposed to shut up. It's just that those lyrics at the top of this post remind me of myself, even though I'm skewing the meaning.
Here's a list of some seemingly random things:
1) Thinking of doing this tour some time in the month of March. I've been wanting to do it for ages, of course.
2) Speaking of things related to the first thing on this list, take that, Motherfuckers!
3) Also, my plan is to get my United Airlines tattoo by July. Seriously. Although, I am worried it'll hurt. Stupid low tolerance of pain!
4) I'm either really out of touch or this is a complete surprise for everyone, but that bastard Tung Chee-Hwa is stepping down! I really, really wish I knew how to type out the Dizzee Rascal laugh, because that's how I'm feeling right now.
5) Here is a list of some of my favourite songs of recent times:
-- Sister Saviour by The Rapture
-- Jacqueline by Franz Ferdinand
-- 全身暑假 by 容祖兒 (Joey Yung)
-- Angel in the Snow by Marine Research
-- Filthy/Gorgeous by Scissor Sisters
-- You Won't Forget About Me by Danni Minogue v. Flower Power
-- La La by Ashlee Simpson
-- I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself by Dusty Springfield
-- I Gonna Getcha Good! by Shania Twain
6) Eric's writing about his trip out here was really touching. I'm flattered beyond belief and really glad he had a good time out here. His pictures from his trip are available here. Click on the rest of the ones titled "Holiday" for more and more pictures from our trip up to Canada and our Saturday night.
7) Last but not least, the wheels are in motion for a trip home (Ohio home, not Hong Kong home) during the summer to pick up my car. I'll pick it up from Ohio, drive to Chicago to pick up Brian and we'll take it back to Oregon, perhaps with a stop in St. Louis to watch the Cardinals. This will immensely improve my commute and therefore, my life.