Time to wake up now!
I've been far more shattered this week than I think I have any right to (although I have it on good authority that other's think I have a right to be this tired)
Fortunately, it's been a week where I have been able to put things on hold. However, I want to get back to things now.
Or... from tomorrow!
I have part of my essay back with a lot of work to do on it. I had my immediate panic reaction, familiar from the years on the course. It comes from not knowing what they want me to write. I panic when I don't know how to give someone what they want. It's nice to notice that I have much better control over my reactions now, before I'd panic until someone else convinced me that it was okay not to panic, I was a good girl and could manage. Now I can do that for myself. Yes I am anxious at the moment, and I'm able to accept that and not let it get in the way of what needs to be done. It is my dearest wish that this ability remains when the fluoxetine stops!
Saturday will be spent in pyjamas on the sofa, typing out Ivan's notes into a document so I can read them properly then working my way through to understand what he actually wants me to do. Anything that remains unclear will be checked with him by email on Monday before starting.
Sunday will also be spent on essay but with a break for seeing Mum and a break for going to the big nearby supermarket for next weeks packed lunch food, seeds, dried fruit, bars etc, to see if that affects the evening crash I've been having. I do drink more tea in the afternoon while at work, and I also have an eating pattern of something substantial before 12, something sugary around 2ish, then my brain closing down about 5.15! First guess is that I'm not eating enough, or right, to have energy in the evening and I'm crashing from caffeine and sugar, so will start grazing on stuff and see what happens.
Must update my Poppies and Thistles blog too as crafting has come on since the last update. Am now looking for a proper loom knitting project to try next, and might try finding one over the weekend. In the meantime I've started a "tom baker dr who" scarf. It's very very long, quite thin and will bascially just be all the weird oddments I like. I was going to make something that style for a friend and went mad buying over £50 of wool on ebay! Then he got a scarf for Xmas so I got him something else as a present, but realised I fancied the idea of a stupidly long scarf myself!
This has all been written out as admitting your goals/todo list to an audience means it's more likely to get done!
Fortunately, it's been a week where I have been able to put things on hold. However, I want to get back to things now.
Or... from tomorrow!
I have part of my essay back with a lot of work to do on it. I had my immediate panic reaction, familiar from the years on the course. It comes from not knowing what they want me to write. I panic when I don't know how to give someone what they want. It's nice to notice that I have much better control over my reactions now, before I'd panic until someone else convinced me that it was okay not to panic, I was a good girl and could manage. Now I can do that for myself. Yes I am anxious at the moment, and I'm able to accept that and not let it get in the way of what needs to be done. It is my dearest wish that this ability remains when the fluoxetine stops!
Saturday will be spent in pyjamas on the sofa, typing out Ivan's notes into a document so I can read them properly then working my way through to understand what he actually wants me to do. Anything that remains unclear will be checked with him by email on Monday before starting.
Sunday will also be spent on essay but with a break for seeing Mum and a break for going to the big nearby supermarket for next weeks packed lunch food, seeds, dried fruit, bars etc, to see if that affects the evening crash I've been having. I do drink more tea in the afternoon while at work, and I also have an eating pattern of something substantial before 12, something sugary around 2ish, then my brain closing down about 5.15! First guess is that I'm not eating enough, or right, to have energy in the evening and I'm crashing from caffeine and sugar, so will start grazing on stuff and see what happens.
Must update my Poppies and Thistles blog too as crafting has come on since the last update. Am now looking for a proper loom knitting project to try next, and might try finding one over the weekend. In the meantime I've started a "tom baker dr who" scarf. It's very very long, quite thin and will bascially just be all the weird oddments I like. I was going to make something that style for a friend and went mad buying over £50 of wool on ebay! Then he got a scarf for Xmas so I got him something else as a present, but realised I fancied the idea of a stupidly long scarf myself!
This has all been written out as admitting your goals/todo list to an audience means it's more likely to get done!