Middle of Nowhere - Chapter 18
Title: Middle of Nowhere
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine. They were created by Annie Proulx. I make no money from this and don't want to.
Rating: NC-17 for the whole story
Thanks: To Em (smilesalot) for your great help with this chapter, and to Keren for your constant encouragement.
Feedback: Oh yes please!! I appreciate every word.
Authors Note: We are still in the middle of nowhwere, but at least we can now see through the trees.
Chapter 18
“There you are, standing right in front of me”
Signal Fire - Snow Patrol
The door to Howie’s office had been firmly closed for the last thirty minutes; Ennis loved to study wood, but he had never examined a piece of wood as closely and for as long as that barrier that stood between himself and his future. Ryan had been in there long before Ennis arrived. Ennis had been summoned there by Meli, who had come to the cabin looking as if she had to pass on the worst possible news imaginable. Ennis felt sorry for her, but he knew she had a job to do.
He didn’t drag it out because he knew Meli was feeling bad enough. He simply nodded his understanding of what she was asking, and followed her out of the door. At the last minute, he turned and saw Jack looking up at him, bringing his head up away from his hands, where he’d been holding it for what had seemed like an eternity. He could not guess at Jack’s feelings right then, even though Jack looked about as troubled as Ennis had ever seen him. He wanted to say something, but knew that whatever he came out with would never be enough.
“If you carry on doing that, you’re going to end up with no thumb at all.” Meli’s chastisement kicked Ennis out of his daze and he looked down to see blood oozing from the tagged skin he’d been pulling on. He half-smiled, remembering how Jack scolded him about that very same thing on many occasions.
“Just a habit, hard to break,” Ennis muttered, shifting on the uncomfortable wooden chair he’d slumped in when he first arrived at the office.
“Yeah, well, some habits are worth breaking,” Meli said. Ennis didn’t know if Meli was still talking about his blood soaked thumb, or something else. He wasn’t in the mood for deep talk right now, all he wanted was Howie’s door to open and for this whole thing to be over.
“Howie really likes you, Ennis, and Ryan is an arrogant idiot,” Meli said, anger rising in her voice.
“For what it’s worth,” Ennis replied flatly.
“Yeah, well, I think that’s worth a lot. You were provoked by that little prick.”
“That’s all well and good Meli, but since you weren’t there, it don’t matter what you think.” Ennis rubbed his hand wearily over his face.
“His so-called friend Scott was, and he told me that himself.”
“Yeah?” Ennis looked at Meli dubiously, not sure if she was saying it just to make him feel better. “But he went in to see Howie, too. You think he told Howie that?”
“I don’t know Ennis, but he told me. Scott seemed really upset by the whole thing. No one wants to see you punished for this. He had it coming, anyway.”
“That’s not the point. I’m his counsellor, he’s in my care. That’s the issue here.”
Howie’s door finally opened. Ryan stepped out, stopping suddenly when he saw Ennis. Ennis stood up, took in Ryan’s arrogant stare and how his smirk was even more sneering than usual. He wished he’d punched the smirk off that boy’s face after all. If he was going to get fired, he might as well have gotten some pleasure from it.
“You wanna come in, Ennis?” Howie’s voice was soft but firm. Ennis watched Meli follow Ryan as he left the office. She turned around at the last minute and gave him a supportive smile, flicked her eyes in Ryan’s direction, and sliced her hand swiftly across her neck in a threatening way. He couldn’t help but smile at the gesture, despite the absurdity of his current situation.
Ennis closed the door behind him and sat down in front of Howie’s desk; Howie was leaning across it, making direct eye contact with Ennis. He wasn’t sure if this was a good sign or a bad one.
“You obviously know why you’re here,” Howie began. “No need to read you your rights or nothing like that, so don’t worry, you ain’t under arrest.”
Ennis wasn’t sure if this was Howie’s attempt at helping him relax, but if it was, it wasn’t working. He’d never even considered getting arrested as a possible outcome. His head buzzed at the thought of all the possible scenarios this encounter with Howie could result in. Being handcuffed and taken to a police station wasn’t one of them.
“But this is a very serious accusation Ryan’s making, Ennis,” Howie said gravely. “He’s reporting you for assault.”
“Assault!” Ennis stood up, fire blazing in his eyes. Howie stood up, too.
“I know you’re upset Ennis, but you need to calm down. Now come on, sit down.”
Ennis sat down and put his head in his hands, as Howie continued to talk.
“He says that you pushed him against a wall in the cabin and as a result has scratches on his shoulders from the force of your hands against him.” Ennis looked up sharply to see Howie looking at him with dismay.
“I saw the scratches, and Scott backs up Ryan’s account. They both say that you were extremely agitated, and seemed to lose it, Jack had to pull you off of Ryan.”
“He tell you what led up to this?” Ennis snarled, breathing deeply and barely holding his temper in check.
“Yeah. It began over some missing t-shirt? And he thinks Jack has some kind of crush on you?” Howie’s words were like a blow to his heart and he barely managed to get over the shock of hearing them and the casual mention of Jack’s name, before Howie continued.
“I don’t care about that - at all - what I care about is how you over-reacted to a situation and abused your position of care. Ennis - assaulting a boy in your care is a serious offence, and as much as I like you and think you’re one of the best counsellor’s we’ve ever had here, I can’t be seen to condone it. It’s stated clearly in the staff booklet that was sent out to you - and that you signed to say you’d read and understood it - that anything of this nature is strictly not allowed. As much as you want to, you just can’t.”
“I take it he failed to tell you what he was calling Jack?” Ennis said, anger burning his throat.
“No, you wanna tell me?”
“He was calling Jack a - a fag, saying he wasn’t going to sleep in the same cabin as him no more, not with a fag. I take it that kind of thing isn’t allowed either?”
“I don’t encourage it, if that’s what you mean. I’ll speak to Ryan, make sure he knows that kind of talk isn’t tolerated here.”
“And that’s it?” he said sharply. “You’ll have a word with him and hope he doesn’t do it again? You know as much as I do that won’t make a bit of difference.”
“I’ll talk to him,” Howie stated firmly, giving Ennis the clear message that this discussion was over. “But unless Jack tells me himself, then I can’t take this any further. It’s just your word, and quite frankly, Ennis, that ain’t too strong right now. You assaulted a boy for insulting your co-counsellor, and that just ain’t allowed. You do understand that, right?”
Ennis clenched and unclenched his fist as he let Howie’s words sink in. He knew this was the time he needed to speak up. This was the time he should go beyond defending Jack, and explain to Howie what Jack was doing with Ennis’s t-shirt under his pillow in the first place, and what that meant. But his mind was so mixed up right now, so clouded with confusion over his feelings for Jack that he didn’t know if telling Howie would make things better or worse.
“You seem to have made up your mind, anyhow,” Ennis replied. “Nothing I say’s gonna make any difference. You gonna fire me? Go ahead. I‘m done here.”
Ennis stood up and headed for the door as Howie stood up and followed him.
“Just - just make sure Jack don’t have to deal with any more crap from Ryan,” Ennis requested, feeling a fraud for everything he wasn’t saying.
Ennis opened the door to the office as Meli jumped up from her desk and ran over to him.
“What happened? Did you tell him what Ryan was doing?” Meli looked from Ennis to Howie, and back again.
“Yeah, but it makes no difference. I’m leaving.”
“No! No, you can’t be, that’s not right,” Meli shouted, almost in tears. “Howie, you can’t let him go, please.”
“Meli, this really is no concern of yours,” Howie said sternly.
“Yes it is. He’s my friend. Jack’s my friend. You know they’re the two best counsellors you’ve got at this camp.”
“Counsellors can’t be assaulting children in their care, Meli. I have no choice.”
“I ain’t holding this against you, Howie.” Ennis said. “I know this ain’t easy for you.”
Ennis headed to the office door. “I’d best go and pack my stuff. I’ll be gone as soon as I can.”
He left the office, with Meli and Howie standing ashen-faced, watching him go.
-----
Jack sat on the top step leading up to the cabin, scanning the multi-coloured sky as it drifted from day to night. The last few rays of the setting sun could just be seen through the bunch of trees that led to the lake. His breathing came slow as he continued to deal with the blow that had crushed him just an hour before, when Ennis had returned from Howie’s office and announced he was leaving camp and was not coming back.
Ryan, for once, had kept quiet. No one else spoke, except for some shocked and hushed whispers. Ennis hadn’t hung around. He told Jack he needed to clear out the workshop before packing his clothes. Jack was left stunned, and it took all his strength not to lose it in front of the boys. Using the excuse of needing the bathroom, he leaned against the wall, sliding slowly until he sat on the floor, head in his hands.
Later, when he was able to stand back up again, he told all the boys to go to the games hall. No one argued, but Justin held back and asked him if he needed him to stay. Jack could barely get any words out, just shook his head firmly.
Jack felt like he was in some kind of bad dream and willed himself to wake up. Ennis wasn’t leaving, not really. Howie would realise the truth and all would be okay again. It had to be. Despite everything, he never considered Ennis leaving as a good thing.
Jack didn’t see Meli until she stood right in front of him. He looked up to see her tear-streaked face looking at him.
“We can’t let Ennis leave,” she stated.
“He’s been fired Meli, we don’t have a choice,” Jack said flatly.
“Yes we do,” Meli said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “We get people to back up Ennis, we give the full story to Howie, how Ryan’s a prick, how he provoked Ennis - Scott told me that himself, before he went in and sided with Ryan - and the fact he was defending you, because he loves you.”
“What!” Jack snorted. “You think Howie knowing that me and Ennis were together is going to make any difference? It would probably make things worse, if anything. We just need to let it be.”
“We have to do something Jack, I mean it. This is so wrong in so many ways.”
“I know Meli, but it ain’t up to us.”
“How can you just sit there and act like you don’t care? This is Ennis, Jack. Ennis. Remember him?”
“You think I don’t care?” Jack choked. “You think this isn’t hurting me? The fact I’ll probably never see him again? Well fuck you, Meli.”
Meli came and sat next to Jack, and placed her arm around his trembling shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, placing her head against his. “I know it’s hurting you. I’m sorry Jack, I’m just so upset. I don’t know what to do.”
“I know. I know this is bad for you, too.”
“But please, we need to try, before Ennis leaves and it’s too late.”
“I just don’t know what we can do that’ll make a difference.”
“Well I do. I’m going to talk to Scott. He’s in the games hall, right? You stay here and I’ll be back soon.”
Jack watched Meli’s retreating back as she ran over towards the games hall, not knowing if anything she did would work, but feeling proud of his friend for caring enough to try.
----
Ennis sat in the workshop, looking around the dark room. He’d packed away most of his stuff, but when he came upon the brown paper bag that he’d hidden away on a top shelf some time ago, he had to stop because everything that had happened suddenly hit him; he held the package as if by simply touching it, all the answers to the questions that were troubling him would somehow be answered. He placed his hand inside, and stroked the smooth object that lay hidden there.
The realisation that he had let Jack down was killing him. He should have told Howie, he should have let him know what Jack meant to him. But since he hadn’t told Jack himself, then how was he meant to tell someone else? The conflicted feelings that consumed him were so strong and overwhelming, he wondered how he could think clearly about anything.
Part of him wanted to go and find Jack, talk to him, tell him how he felt, but what would be the point? He was leaving, and Jack doesn’t want to hear anything from him now because it would be too little, too late. Best to just leave and put as much distance between himself and Jack as he could. That way, the pain can start to ease sooner.
Ennis looked up as he heard the door open and Justin came in, sounding breathless.
“You okay?” Ennis asked, standing up and walking towards the door.
“Yeah, sure. I just wanted to see you, I didn’t know when you’d be leaving.”
“I’m nearly finished here, just need to pack my clothes at the cabin.”
“You ain’t gonna stay until tomorrow?”
“There’s little point, I figure get a start on the journey tonight.”
“I wish you weren’t leaving.” Ennis heard the sorrowful tone in Justin’s voice and felt a pang of guilt, realising that he was leaving Justin, who depended on him.
“I’m real sorry, Justin. If there was any other way round it, I’d change things, but this is just how it worked out.”
“It ain’t fair, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. But there’s still hope…,”
Ennis shook his head. “No, Justin, we just need to accept that I have to go. It’s not like I want to, but I don’t have a choice.”
“Can I write you?’ Justin’s voice was barely audible. “Please?”
“Sure. Tell you what, I’ll write to you here, when I get back home, okay? Then you can write me back.”
“I’d really like that,” Justin smiled. “You been such a good friend to me, Ennis. I told my mom and dad about you , and Robyn, too. I really wanted you to meet them. I know they’d really like you if they did.”
“Well, that’s real nice of you to say, Justin,” Ennis blushed. “I’m just glad I was able to help in some way, not that I did much.”
“Oh, but you did!” Justin exclaimed. “You were the only one who bothered to listen. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t been here.”
Ennis was overwhelmed by Justin’s well intentioned declarations. His mind was swamped with all the heavy emotions he was carrying.
The workshop door suddenly burst open, and Meli almost fell in. Ennis could see she was flushed and breathless, just as Justin had been moments earlier.
“Meli?” Ennis asked.
“Ennis - Howie,” Meli panted, pointing her finger back towards the office, bending slightly and holding her side. “Howie - see you now.”
“Howie wants to see me? Now? But it’s like 9.30, what’s he still doing there?”
“Don’t ask stupid questions, Ennis!” Meli scolded. “Just get yourself over there now!”
Ennis looked at Justin who gave him a non-committal shrug. Meli continued glaring at him until he forced himself out of the workshop, and over towards the office.
-----
When Ennis arrived at the office, it was in darkness except for one single light shining from Howie’s room. He stepped in and heard low voices. When he saw Ryan, his confusion grew. Then Howie spotted him and smiled.
“Ennis, thanks for coming. I was worried you’d already gone. You wanna come in here? Please?”
Ennis walked in cautiously, not sure what to expect. Ryan was sitting in the chair Ennis had occupied earlier that day. Ryan turned his face the other way and kept his arms firmly folded in front his chest.
“I’ll get to the point of why you’re here,” Howie started. “Since talking with you this afternoon, I’ve been informed of some information that sheds new light on the events that took place in your cabin earlier tonight.”
Howie stopped, hands on hips, looking in Ryan’s direction. Ryan kept his eyes lowered and tapped his feet.
“Scott now tells me that the scratches Ryan received were not from you, as I was initially informed, but in fact he received them when he was involved in a fight with a boy from another cabin earlier today.”
Ennis listened to Howie speak but wasn’t sure if he was hearing right.
“Scott was told by Ryan to back him up when he brought up the issue of the scratches - even though Scott knew you hadn’t touched him hard enough to break the skin despite the rough way you handled Ryan. Scott did what Ryan told him. But he somehow developed a conscience and decided to come clean.”
Ennis looked across at Ryan again who seemed to be sinking further and further into the seat.
“Okay…,” Ennis started, still a little wary to relax completely. “So I didn’t cause the scratches, but you said yourself what happened was something you couldn’t condone.”
“Yeah, I did say that,” Howie agreed, “and you’d be right. But I hold my hand up and admit I didn’t look as deeply into this situation as I should have. Ryan omitted vital elements of the story, which Scott also failed to bring to my attention. For instance, he failed to tell me his part in verbally abusing Justin, something you and Jack were both dealing on your own.”
“We handled it okay, didn’t think it was worth bringing to you. Besides, Justin didn’t want no fuss.”
“Yeah, I see that Justin trusted you both and I applaud you for treating that situation with such maturity. I know that you’ve had problems with Ryan more or less since the beginning of camp, and this situation tonight is the culmination of all that. After taking all these elements into consideration,” Howie continued, “I have decided to retract my original decision to dismiss you, Ennis. And if you’re happy to stay on as counsellor for the duration of the camp, then I would be more than happy to have you back.”
“Well, I…,” Ennis began, his head spinning at the quick change in events.
“Can I just say that if it wasn’t for Meli who persuaded Scott to change his story, and Justin and Jack for backing you up every step of the way, you’d be on your way home tonight. I’m really sorry for the way this turned out Ennis. I truly am.”
“I didn’t wanna leave, you fired me. But I’m glad to be staying.” He took a sly look at Ryan, who seemed to have stopped breathing.
“Just one thing,” Ennis added. “I need your word that we won’t be having no more trouble from Ryan no more.”
“Oh don’t you worry, you won’t. Because of this stunt Ryan pulled, he’s being moved to another cabin until camp ends. I’ve already explained the whole situation to his parents, and they exchanged stern words with their son as well. Cindy needs to use her big sister act even more than ever now. It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s the best we can do.”
“That sounds a fine solution to me.”
“Good. I’m glad.” Howie looked at Ryan and the boy looked up sheepishly, worried eyes peering out from underneath long strands of hair that hung over his face. “Ryan, you got something to say to Ennis?”
“Sorry, I guess,” Ryan mumbled. “Still don’t see how he ends up getting an apology when I was the one who was assaulted.”
“I think we’ve been through this enough times, Ryan. You lied, plain and simple. You lied in order to exaggerate the seriousness of the situation. You know I’m not saying what Ennis did was right, but he was provoked, seriously provoked, and you took that and used it to your advantage. The matter is now closed. So, say sorry like you mean it.”
“It’s okay, Howie,” Ennis interrupted. “I accept his original apology. Don’t wanna drag this out any longer than necessary.”
“Okay, if you’re sure. Ryan, you’re free to leave. When your free time tonight is over, grab your stuff and take it over to Steve’s cabin. He’s been made aware of what’s going on, so just keep your head down, don’t make no trouble, and you’ll do fine.”
“Yessir.” Ryan shuffled out and Ennis was about to follow him when Howie closed the door.
“I really am sorry for all this mess, Ennis.”
“Yeah, well, I ain’t exactly a saint here. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. But that boy - he’s trouble.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s a shame this wasn’t brought to my attention earlier, but you tried to handle it, and that has to be commended. I’m just glad it’s the last year he’ll be coming here. But don’t tell anyone I said that.”
“I won’t,” Ennis laughed, glad to be feeling free enough to do that. He smiled once more at Howie, and left the office. He stood on the steps, looking one way, then another. He checked his watch. His eyes were drawn to one direction in particular. He took a deep breath, and walked towards the lake.
------
Jack kicked at the stones gathered at the water’s edge, picking up the odd one and throwing it into the water, sometimes to see how far he could throw it, and sometimes just to hear the sound as it dropped into the black lake. He liked the idea that he could hear it, but he could not see it. He wondered where it went when it left his hand and took flight into the dark night. He took another flat stone and stroked his finger over the smooth surface. He remembered the skimming stone game he and Ennis played. That seemed like a lifetime ago. How much fun he had then. How free he felt. How alive he was. Now, his feelings were muted and numb. He let the stone drop from his fingers, and heard it fall to the ground.
He then heard something else, a different sound. He turned his head and saw Ennis coming towards him. He caught his breath suddenly, as if he hadn’t seen Ennis for a long time and had forgotten what he looked like. Ennis walked right up to Jack and stood next to him, looking out at the still night.
Jack’s heart thumped wildly. He could hear Ennis’s steady breathing and tried to let it calm him.
“You seen Howie?” Jack managed to say.
“Yeah, just come from there.” Jack nodded, then realised Ennis wouldn’t see that, and shook his head just as fast. He wanted to ask, but was not sure he could deal with what Ennis might say.
“I’m staying.”
Jack nodded again. “Shit,” Jack said, smiling as relief flooded his body.
“If you want me to go to another cabin, I can ask Howie,…” Ennis started, his voice sounding confused and uncertain.
“What? No! I meant shit cause I was nodding my head and you couldn’t see me. You don‘t need to go to another cabin.”
“You sure? Cause I’d understand it if you did, after everything that happened.”
“No, no, it’s Ryan who needs to move out, that asshole’s caused nothing but trouble since day one.”
“Yeah, well, Ryan’s moving out tonight, to Steve’s cabin, but that ain’t what I meant. I meant, what’s happened….with you and me.”
“Oh.” Jack’s heart thumped harder again. “Well, that’s all done now, I just knew you didn’t deserve to be fired for something that he provoked you into doing.”
“Still shouldn’t have done it. But - Howie saw Ryan’s true colours tonight. He told me what you and Justin and Meli did for me.”
“We only did what was right.”
“Yeah well, you didn’t have to do it. You’d have every right to not do a single thing to help me.”
“Jesus, Ennis, I ain’t that mean.”
“I know you ain‘t. But - well, I just want to say thanks.”
The darkness lifted and Jack could see Ennis’s face, so clear and fine. He knew it took a lot for Ennis to come out here and talk with him. His heart pounded so hard it began to hurt. He fought the urge to reach out and touch Ennis’s face. He looked back to the water, hoping it would give him some strength to not make a fool of himself this night.
“I’m sorry Jack,” Ennis said quietly. “I messed up.”
Jack knew from the way Ennis spoke that this was no longer about what happened tonight. It was about so much more.
“Yeah, well,” Jack said, lost for words. His throat constricted against the tide of emotion welling inside him.
“I know I can’t take away the words and the hurt they caused, but I want to try.”
“Ennis….”
“Please Jack. Please let me show you.”
“How? What’s said can’t be unsaid, Ennis. I ain’t forgotten them.”
“I know. But please, come with me.”
“Where to?”
“Come with me, please?”
Jack knew it was futile to fight the emotion he felt for Ennis. He was trying to be strong, but failing at every turn. What Ennis did to him. Did Ennis know?
Ennis turned and Jack followed as they left the lake and walked to the workshop. When they got inside Ennis walked over to the back of the room and rummaged in a large cardboard box on the worktop. Jack couldn‘t see what Ennis drew out of the box, but then he heard the strike of a match and a tall candle being lit. Ennis repeated the process once more, and placed both candles in two plastic tubes against the back surface of the work top.
The candlelight flickered around the room, casting an eerie glow that illuminated all around them. He was brought back to earth when Ennis coughed and scuffed his shoes loudly against the hard floor.
“I watch you,” Ennis said softly. “When I’m in here, I can see you sometimes.” Jack didn’t know what to say to that, or if he was meant to say anything at all. He knew Ennis could see him from the window, and had hoped Ennis watched him once in a while.
“When I saw Carrie talking to you that day, something in me got scared, I guess. A pretty girl compared to me, I didn’t see any contest.”
“Ennis, I already told you….”
“Yeah I know, you told me, but I didn’t listen. I wouldn’t listen. You told me and I chose to ignore you, ignore what you were telling me, ignore what was right there in front of me.”
“I tried to make you understand. Carrie didn’t mean anything to me.”
“I know, but I thought you wouldn’t want this, not when you were back in the real world. What if you got out there and woke up and knew it had all been a dream? You’d be glad to be rid of it.”
“No, you know I wouldn’t, Ennis.”
“Yeah, I know that now. Am I too late?”
“For what?”
“To say I’m sorry. To say I believe you. To say I should never have doubted you.”
“I don’t know Ennis,” Jack said, scared, but not wanting to fight. “What if this happens again? I don’t think I’d be able to cope with it a second time.”
Jack watched as Ennis suddenly reached into the box on the worktop. He brought out what looked like a brown paper bag. Ennis held it out to him.
“Take it, it’s yours,” Ennis said, smiling nervously.
Jack took the bag cautiously, and opened it up. He reached in slowly, and let his hand rest on something hard and smooth. He pulled it out, looking at it with initial confusion and then it dawned on him what Ennis had given him. He looked up in confused delight and saw a slight smile creep up on Ennis’s face.
“I made it for you,” Ennis explained. “Some time ago now. Never had the courage to give it to you, didn’t know if there’d ever be a time when I would. But since all this happened, it’s been on my mind, knew I had to give it to you now. So you’d know.”
“Know what?” Jack asked, puzzled.
“That I love you.” Jack looked back down at the spoon Ennis had lovingly carved , Ennis’s words still tingling in his ears. He felt giddy and light, like he could fly. He moved closer to the candle as his eyes studied the ornate shape Ennis had created; for the first time he saw the intricately carved letters J and E engraved on either side of a beautifully sculpted spoon. He thought his heart would burst right there.
“Ennis…this…this is beautiful. I can’t believe you made this for me.”
“I wanted to give you something, something special, to let you know how it is for me. You don’t have to like it….”
“Ennis! I love it. Truly, I do. I just don’t know what to say. Ain’t no one ever done nothing like this for me, never.”
“I wanted to give it to you for your birthday, figured it was a good opportunity. “
“Why didn’t you? Not that I wasn’t thrilled with everything else you gave me that night, but what stopped you?”
“I dunno…fear I guess. Fear of what that would mean. You saying what you said to me that night…it scared me, Jack. Didn’t know I could be something like that to someone else. Never imagined anyone would feel that way. Not about me.”
“It was true. I meant it.” Jack held Ennis’s stare, the air in the room thick with emotion. “I still do.”
Ennis closed the space between them, placing his hands on Jack’s face, tracing the skin with his fingers and sending shivers down Jack’s spine.
“I missed you so much. I missed this. Touching you, holding you.”
“Shit, damn you, Ennis.” Jack surrendered into Ennis’s arms, hugging hard and burying his face in Ennis’s neck, inhaling the smell of the man he thought he’d never touch again.
Ennis pulled back, looked down into Jack’s eyes, and kissed him sweetly on the lips. Jack sensed Ennis was testing the waters, but Jack knew that the tide had turned and he was past the point of being uncertain. He wanted Ennis, wanted to reclaim what was truly his, and let Ennis know how he felt.
He pushed himself into Ennis and into the kiss. Their lips melted together, as if the time apart had never happened. Jack was so overwhelmed by the feeling he thought he would fall to the ground if Ennis wasn’t holding him so tightly. The kiss was so overpowering, so all consuming, so utterly everything he ever wanted, he thought he might be dreaming.
“Jesus, damn…” Jack breathed. “I missed this. I missed you.”
“Me too, Jack. So much. Seeing you every day and knowing I could never touch you - it was torture for me.”
“Damn you Ennis del Mar, all that you put me through.”
“I know. I ain’t gonna rest till I know, know that you forgive me.”
“Of course I forgive you Ennis. I want you, and I love you. Nothing ever changed for me. All that was different was I couldn’t tell you that anymore, because you didn‘t believe it.”
“I swear I’ll make it up to you somehow.”
“You’re doing a good job right now Ennis,” Jack smiled, stroking Ennis’s face. “That beautiful gift you made for me, shit, I just don’t know what to say about that. And you, admitting you were wrong and telling me - well, just saying those words, it’s all I want.”
“You’re all I want.”
“You got me.”
Jack swayed slightly as Ennis’s hands swirled around the small of his back, tracing lazy lines up and down the fabric of his shirt, and then the first touch of skin on skin as Ennis lifted the shirt out from the waistband of his jeans. The feather light touches of Ennis’s fingers danced across his skin, and he shuddered with giddy delight. Jack pushed harder against Ennis, letting him know that whatever Ennis wanted to do was fine with him, it had been too long already.
Ennis, in silent reply, pushed against him until his spine connected with the worktop. The hard edge of the counter pressed into his back, but the uncomfortable position was nothing compared to the heady sensation of Ennis’s body pressed closely against his. Jack leaned back, his breath quickening as Ennis leaned forward to kiss his throat, covering him with magical touches eliciting in him a feeling of euphoric joy.
Ennis brought Jack upright once more, swiftly lifting Jack’s t-shirt over his head. Their kisses intensified as Jack felt Ennis tighten one hand around his waist and scrambled for his belt buckle with the other. Jack could hear Ennis’s staggered breathing as Ennis struggled with the buckle while covering his mouth with kisses so intense he thought he thought he could see stars. Their tongues connected and a moan escaped from Ennis’s mouth that filled Jack’s senses. His erection was straining against the crushing denim and he held on impatiently until Ennis was able to pull open the belt and buttons and reach in. Jack felt Ennis’s fingers wrap roughly around his dick and began pumping hard and fast.
“Oh yeah….” Jack moaned, his hips rocking in rhythm with Ennis’s sure hand, knowing that he wouldn’t last long, not now he was being reacquainted with the taste of what he’d been missing. His hand slid between Ennis’ legs, encouraging Ennis to spread them open as he grabbed and rubbed Ennis’s crotch, excited by the firmness beneath the faded denim.
“Oh god, Jack….,” Ennis panted, his voice light and breathless. It ignited something in Jack, and he quickly fumbled with Ennis’s fly whilst trying to keep the rhythm going, holding on to the kiss Ennis was now bestowing upon him. He wanted to repay Ennis the favour he was being given but had to work fast as he could feel the familiar sensation beginning to build where Ennis’s hand pumped and stroked with hard fervour.
“Fuck it,” Jack breathed, “Ain’t gonna last.” Ennis touching him was proving too much as he thrust deeper and harder into Ennis’s curled fingers.
“Jack, oh God, Jack.” Ennis groaned through his orgasm, Jack catching the milky liquid as it spilled over and filled his fist at the very same moment Jack’s own dick erupted into Ennis’s cupped hand.
Their hands remained wrapped around the warm wetness of each other as they slowly came back down from the euphoric state they basked in. Ennis pressed his nose lightly against the flushed skin of Jack’s face and nuzzled him softly, making Jack light up with illuminated rapture.
“Hmmm,” Jack purred, drawing his hand from the warmth of Ennis’s body and, looking up through heavy lidded eyes, brought his wet fingers to his mouth, licking each one clean, slowly and with deliberate attention, the strangled moans escaping Ennis‘s mouth as he did so turning him on so much he wanted to do it again. He grabbed Ennis’s hand from inside his own jeans, and repeated the act, using his own release to prolong the erotic game he was playing. Ennis kept his eyes focused on Jack as Jack sucked each finger with intense concentration. When he held the last finger in his hand, he brought it to Ennis’s lips, inviting his boy to share the product of their union. Ennis let Jack place his own finger in his mouth, and licked it slowly, before clasping his hands in his and kissing him sweetly on the mouth.
“Damn,” Jack said. He felt breathless but elated, exhilarated by the rush of rousing joy that drenched his whole body. The stifling sadness he had weathered was no longer blackening his sky. Ennis had recaptured what he thought they had lost forever. All he ever wanted was right here, right now, standing right in front of him.
“I got you,” Ennis whispered, as if he had heard Jack’s silent request.
xxxxxx