(no subject)
New kittens would be excellent news if I would ever go over to see them.
But again, that's not going to happen, unless things change.
For that matter, I'm again left scratching my head over why they have not.
I was told that the would either Sunday or Monday night. Another promise left unfulfilled.
Fuck, I hate this. I don't like not responding to her.
But the only thing I hate more than this, is being her 'shadow-boyfriend' or whatever a male mistress is called.
In the moments where I feel myself breaking down to call or text her up, all I have to do is remind myself that Jenny and I dated, and were intimate together from August 15th of last year to...well, to Sunday, was the last time; and during the first three months of that, and since June of this year (so... seven months total, give or take) I've just been the guy she's been fucking behind her boyfriend's back... and even when we're not physical, its very much an emotional affair. So of the year and five weeks we've been going out, a little over 13 months, 7 of those months she's treated me as a secret, as shame, and generally like shit.
So, yeah, over half of our relationship, I've been the man behind the other guy's back... and for the entirity of her relationship with Jon, she has continued to sleep with me, see me privately and then lie to him about her whereabouts, and tell me that she loves me and made a mistake leaving for Jon...but still won't tell him about it... in fact I'm pretty sure that by this point, the only person who doesn't know about it...or at least isn't acknowledging it, is Jon.
It just reminds me how much of a kid she can be, how bad she can be in a relationship, and how I need to stay away until she can take responsibility for herself.
You've no idea how many times I've taken all of the messages she's written me, the pictures of us together, for God's sake, the video we made of us having sex like three days ago (!!) and sent it to Jon just to get her work out of the way for her....
but this is something she has to learn for herself. I'll just be there to help in the aftermath.
She says she loves me...and really, I believe she does...but what a messed up way of showing it.
But again, that's not going to happen, unless things change.
For that matter, I'm again left scratching my head over why they have not.
I was told that the would either Sunday or Monday night. Another promise left unfulfilled.
Fuck, I hate this. I don't like not responding to her.
But the only thing I hate more than this, is being her 'shadow-boyfriend' or whatever a male mistress is called.
In the moments where I feel myself breaking down to call or text her up, all I have to do is remind myself that Jenny and I dated, and were intimate together from August 15th of last year to...well, to Sunday, was the last time; and during the first three months of that, and since June of this year (so... seven months total, give or take) I've just been the guy she's been fucking behind her boyfriend's back... and even when we're not physical, its very much an emotional affair. So of the year and five weeks we've been going out, a little over 13 months, 7 of those months she's treated me as a secret, as shame, and generally like shit.
So, yeah, over half of our relationship, I've been the man behind the other guy's back... and for the entirity of her relationship with Jon, she has continued to sleep with me, see me privately and then lie to him about her whereabouts, and tell me that she loves me and made a mistake leaving for Jon...but still won't tell him about it... in fact I'm pretty sure that by this point, the only person who doesn't know about it...or at least isn't acknowledging it, is Jon.
It just reminds me how much of a kid she can be, how bad she can be in a relationship, and how I need to stay away until she can take responsibility for herself.
You've no idea how many times I've taken all of the messages she's written me, the pictures of us together, for God's sake, the video we made of us having sex like three days ago (!!) and sent it to Jon just to get her work out of the way for her....
but this is something she has to learn for herself. I'll just be there to help in the aftermath.
She says she loves me...and really, I believe she does...but what a messed up way of showing it.