When we're alive we crave eachother's hearts; when we're dead we crave the brains
Up late, late, late last night
So now I'm at work and I'm tired, tired, tired.
I talked with Jenny last night. It was probably not the first thing she wanted to have on her Birthday, nor was it anything I wanted to say to her, but it needed to be said...
A couple months back, I caught Jenny lying to me. She would say she was going to be one place, but instead would be out with Jon. When confronted on why her car was there all night then, I would get some very elaborate faked excuse. I know she did it to avoid a difficult conversation, and maybe spare my feelings at the moment... but Jenny is a terrible liar, so I knew right away, and all it did was hurt all the worse, as now I had both betrayals of trust to work past (keep in mind, she and I had already broken up at the time, but she wasn't supposed to be seeing Jon then, either).... but we talked at the time, and I told her "You don't ever lie to me. You don't hold back , you don't sugarcoat anything. If we're to remain friends or lovers you have to be trustworthy. I deserve that much."
But the other night, the same thing happened again. I invited her to stay with me, she said no, she had to be home in the morning for an important arrangement with her roommate, Julie. But she was going home, to be alone, and to think about things like I'd asked.... but she went to Jon's. It was just an excuse to get out to his place where she was expected, and she felt unable to simply tell me the truth...again I deserve the truth, don't I?
So, discussion last night. I can't be Jenny's friend any longer. After her birthday party, she'll not see me again.
This can be altered though. I have a problem being with her at the moment, because I have a huge list of promises she's made to me left unfulfilled, a long list of little white lies...so I can't trust any of the things she says anymore...just the things she DOES. Deeds are the measure of a person, not words. If she can DO the things she says she wants to, then we can start rebuilding that trust. If she can't, well...you can't be friends with someone you can't trust, can you?
But I told her last night...looking into her crying eyes, that I loved her the way she HAD been, more than anyone or anything else I had ever known. And that was true.
And she said yes, she also loved me more than she had ever thought she could love a person, more than ANYONE else...
That being said, if its true, I hope she can do what she needs to do now... or the person she loves the most will be forced to walk out of her life in every capacity.
If that's the way it happens...what a waste.
So now I'm at work and I'm tired, tired, tired.
I talked with Jenny last night. It was probably not the first thing she wanted to have on her Birthday, nor was it anything I wanted to say to her, but it needed to be said...
A couple months back, I caught Jenny lying to me. She would say she was going to be one place, but instead would be out with Jon. When confronted on why her car was there all night then, I would get some very elaborate faked excuse. I know she did it to avoid a difficult conversation, and maybe spare my feelings at the moment... but Jenny is a terrible liar, so I knew right away, and all it did was hurt all the worse, as now I had both betrayals of trust to work past (keep in mind, she and I had already broken up at the time, but she wasn't supposed to be seeing Jon then, either).... but we talked at the time, and I told her "You don't ever lie to me. You don't hold back , you don't sugarcoat anything. If we're to remain friends or lovers you have to be trustworthy. I deserve that much."
But the other night, the same thing happened again. I invited her to stay with me, she said no, she had to be home in the morning for an important arrangement with her roommate, Julie. But she was going home, to be alone, and to think about things like I'd asked.... but she went to Jon's. It was just an excuse to get out to his place where she was expected, and she felt unable to simply tell me the truth...again I deserve the truth, don't I?
So, discussion last night. I can't be Jenny's friend any longer. After her birthday party, she'll not see me again.
This can be altered though. I have a problem being with her at the moment, because I have a huge list of promises she's made to me left unfulfilled, a long list of little white lies...so I can't trust any of the things she says anymore...just the things she DOES. Deeds are the measure of a person, not words. If she can DO the things she says she wants to, then we can start rebuilding that trust. If she can't, well...you can't be friends with someone you can't trust, can you?
But I told her last night...looking into her crying eyes, that I loved her the way she HAD been, more than anyone or anything else I had ever known. And that was true.
And she said yes, she also loved me more than she had ever thought she could love a person, more than ANYONE else...
That being said, if its true, I hope she can do what she needs to do now... or the person she loves the most will be forced to walk out of her life in every capacity.
If that's the way it happens...what a waste.