Comments | poopydog123: Take me to the place where you go...

poopydog123

Take me to the place where you go...

Feb 13, 2007 00:06

Okay, so this came out a what was supposed to be a paragraph or so prompt in English class today. Please read it if you care to, though I do request that you leave some sort of comment on it regardless. Don't be afraid to tell me it sucks, or use constructive criticism, or what have you.

( Click here to read the most celebrated tale of the century! )

Comments 9

wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 21:51:57 UTC

I see you do indeed have tense issues. A few comments...I may include them all here, or I may comment twice (I'm not sure about how much time I have ( ... )

wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 22:17:56 UTC

"Thump ( ... )

wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 22:21:40 UTC

"I’m not sure why, just for kicks maybe, he as lightly as possible taps his car into the rear end of mine." -> "taps" should be "tapped." Also, I would suggest either "as lightly as possible he tapped" or "he tapped his car as lightly as possibly" (or put as lightly as possible at the complete end of the sentence would work too, I just don't think the "he" and "tapped" should be separated ( ... )

wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 22:32:55 UTC

"Thump ( ... )

wicked_aylah February 13 2007, 22:49:48 UTC

"I pull into my driveway and sit there for a moment debating whether I should go inside and leave the car until morning or reveal the mystery now."-> Just tense again. Pull: pulled; sit: sat. You may need a comma after "morning ( ... )