summer-time
This entire week have been tiring, really tiring, mentally, emotionally, physically. loads of sickness, not enough sleep, waking up at wee hours of the morning, work and ycm commitments. plus my eye hurts. I feel drained, detached, and withdrawn. I’ve decided that talking too much is no good since it’s such a waste of time, and i'm too tired to care anymore AND I need to recharge my batteries. it's time someone else do the caring.
i don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling really lonely, not in terms of like isolation because I obviously have a lot of darlings around me, but lonely in terms of I don’t think I can talk/share with anyone about things that’s bugging me like crazy: either because they are too far away, or I just don’t feel comfortable enough having seen all the different complexities in characters this year. So yea, I’m lonely. I guess this year is probably the year of inward retrospection, of thinking alone, and acknowledging and adapting to being able to deal with things alone.
And just for aiwen and yumin who I miss like crazy whenever I get into such dull moods, I wish I could go back to cherish those days where I could confide and seek advice 24/7. at least there was summer then.
For years she had floated into the house on the wings of her own stories: how the butterfly they were hatching in class had one of its antennae torn off a boy who wasn’t gentle; how the school lunch that day had been pizza when the notice said it was going to be chicken chow mein and how if she’d known that, she would have bought instead of bringing her own; how the letter I in cursive is nothing like you’d think. There had been so many easy words between them that Daniel was guilty of nodding every now and then and tuning out the excess. He hadn’t known, at the time, that he should have been hoarding these, like bits of sea glass hidden in the pocket of his winter coat to remind him that once it had been summer.
shall just float around aimlessly till summer comes.