(no subject)
(wanted to update about philipines, but i guess this would have to be spelt into words first, so i can finally get rid of this entire burden of bottled-up emotions)
so you came back, all the hurdling emotions coming my way, it's not fair, not at all.
I just want you to know that you aren’t the only one hurting.
I wonder if this is what it felt like to be shot. If, even after the bullet went through flesh and bone, you would look down at yourself with detachment, assessing the damage, as if it wasn’t you who had been hit but someone else you were asked to appraise. I wonder if numbness qualified as a chronic pain.
Could you pinpoint a specific moment, minute or second when we began to break apart, disintegrate into nothingness? I never could, i wondered why. now i know, because we werent ever really a part, we never were once an entity. and when it came, it lasted forever, gathering speed with such acceleration, that we were more worried about getting out of its path, pretending that everything would be alright, forgetting to find the pebble at the center. that's why, i'm telling you now.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I keep thinking we were so stupid. If we hadn’t fought so hard when we first met, we would have had nearly twice as much time together. But then if we hadn’t fought so hard I wonder if I could have loved you half damn much. It sounds funny to say it now, just like that, in the light of day. I love you. You hear it so often, you know, on soap operas and stupid sitcoms, that sometimes the words are just sounds, they don’t mean anything. But hell, I could shout it to the world day and night if it meant I could keep you with me. I’ve never tried to pack so much into one phrase in my whole life.
Maybe it's different for you, because I’m not the first guy you’ve loved? I might as well say it, because it’s true. You went first to him. So what I want to know is: does your heart feel like it’s being ripped off? Is it easier for you? Have you felt this way before?
I haven’t either. I cant imagine ever feeling this way again. Not the pain, not now, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about us. When I was with you, nothing mattered. I could have watched the whole world being wiped out by blight, I could have witnessed massacres, a war, It wouldn’t have made a difference. I know that there will be other women, prettier even, but they couldn’t compare. You just cant simply put down eight years of memories and walk away from it. If you can, I’m sorry I cant. Maybe I’ll change, maybe love will change, but I think we were a once-in-a-lifetime. You could never leave me; that’s why I am not more upset. You can’t possibly break these feelings. They stretch, and they last. You’re taking them with you. You will never be the same, because of me, and I’m silently gloating.
I’ll rather take on this burden of your love forever.
If I have to remember you, just for a second, it will be like this: you kneeling in front of me, at the windowsill, counting the stars. I don’t remember why we decided to do that, it’s an impossible, infinite task. Maybe because when we were together, we thought we had all the time in the world. You gave up at two hundred and six I remember. I gave up and just looked at you. That’s when yous started to name them, you asked me for family names and I told you. We mapped the sky with our heritage. Do you know what a star is? I asked you. It’s an explosion that happened billions and billions of years ago. The only reason we see it now, is because it’s taken that long for the light, the sight, to travel here into our line of vision.
This is not goodbye.
Oh I love you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
i want to remember you like this, not anyway else. it doesnt matter about our status quo. friends forever sounds good to me. I would rather concentrate on your eyes, imprinting them in my memory, etching an image so when we meet again- ten months, ten years from now, at least we will remember the beautiful, and not the arguments and sadness. that's how i choose to see it.
you know it and i know it too. we are walking in concentric cirlces, in opposite directions. naturally we do not meet, but you are within me and i revolve around you. so that's all that matters now.
It's like any other dual dynamic: You can’t have strength without weakness; you can’t have heroes ithout villians; you cant have light without dark; so it follows that you can’t have love without loss either
so you came back, all the hurdling emotions coming my way, it's not fair, not at all.
I just want you to know that you aren’t the only one hurting.
I wonder if this is what it felt like to be shot. If, even after the bullet went through flesh and bone, you would look down at yourself with detachment, assessing the damage, as if it wasn’t you who had been hit but someone else you were asked to appraise. I wonder if numbness qualified as a chronic pain.
Could you pinpoint a specific moment, minute or second when we began to break apart, disintegrate into nothingness? I never could, i wondered why. now i know, because we werent ever really a part, we never were once an entity. and when it came, it lasted forever, gathering speed with such acceleration, that we were more worried about getting out of its path, pretending that everything would be alright, forgetting to find the pebble at the center. that's why, i'm telling you now.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I keep thinking we were so stupid. If we hadn’t fought so hard when we first met, we would have had nearly twice as much time together. But then if we hadn’t fought so hard I wonder if I could have loved you half damn much. It sounds funny to say it now, just like that, in the light of day. I love you. You hear it so often, you know, on soap operas and stupid sitcoms, that sometimes the words are just sounds, they don’t mean anything. But hell, I could shout it to the world day and night if it meant I could keep you with me. I’ve never tried to pack so much into one phrase in my whole life.
Maybe it's different for you, because I’m not the first guy you’ve loved? I might as well say it, because it’s true. You went first to him. So what I want to know is: does your heart feel like it’s being ripped off? Is it easier for you? Have you felt this way before?
I haven’t either. I cant imagine ever feeling this way again. Not the pain, not now, that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about us. When I was with you, nothing mattered. I could have watched the whole world being wiped out by blight, I could have witnessed massacres, a war, It wouldn’t have made a difference. I know that there will be other women, prettier even, but they couldn’t compare. You just cant simply put down eight years of memories and walk away from it. If you can, I’m sorry I cant. Maybe I’ll change, maybe love will change, but I think we were a once-in-a-lifetime. You could never leave me; that’s why I am not more upset. You can’t possibly break these feelings. They stretch, and they last. You’re taking them with you. You will never be the same, because of me, and I’m silently gloating.
I’ll rather take on this burden of your love forever.
If I have to remember you, just for a second, it will be like this: you kneeling in front of me, at the windowsill, counting the stars. I don’t remember why we decided to do that, it’s an impossible, infinite task. Maybe because when we were together, we thought we had all the time in the world. You gave up at two hundred and six I remember. I gave up and just looked at you. That’s when yous started to name them, you asked me for family names and I told you. We mapped the sky with our heritage. Do you know what a star is? I asked you. It’s an explosion that happened billions and billions of years ago. The only reason we see it now, is because it’s taken that long for the light, the sight, to travel here into our line of vision.
This is not goodbye.
Oh I love you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
i want to remember you like this, not anyway else. it doesnt matter about our status quo. friends forever sounds good to me. I would rather concentrate on your eyes, imprinting them in my memory, etching an image so when we meet again- ten months, ten years from now, at least we will remember the beautiful, and not the arguments and sadness. that's how i choose to see it.
you know it and i know it too. we are walking in concentric cirlces, in opposite directions. naturally we do not meet, but you are within me and i revolve around you. so that's all that matters now.
It's like any other dual dynamic: You can’t have strength without weakness; you can’t have heroes ithout villians; you cant have light without dark; so it follows that you can’t have love without loss either