(no subject)
heyyy! hahah! i kinda miss this place, it's been ages since i've last visited this page. oh well, loads have happened over these few months, and it's almost the end of the year already. time passes so fast, that it makes me wonder whether i've really spent my time well, whether i could have spent it more fruitfully, build more friendships, accomplish more, score better etc etc. but on the whole, i'm peaceful. not especially happy, neither am i sad. of course, there's space among all the zenness for regrets, sadness and sometimes pangs of nostalgia, but i'm over it. regretting, looking backwards has no point anyway, i cant retrace my steps, so i wont.
in general, i've become a much stronger girl, both emotionally and physically. i cant stipulate exactly why, cos it's kinda private and personal, but those whom matter to me should know, and i hope and i think they would understand why. unexpected things have popped up, caused many nightmates, heartaches, crying bouts and many soiled tissues, but they've allowed me to grow. under such circumstances, there's really no one to will yourself on, except yourself. it's you that would make the difference. i chose to take that leap, to not take the easy way out, and i'm so much better than before. and i count my blessings for that. people ask me why i didnt tell them, why i chose to keep it private, why i didnt believe in the support that my best friends would have given me in such times. but, it's not a matter of whether i have faith in you, whether i love you enough to spill my sorrows, but rather that acknowledging, taking some time for everything to sink in is the very first step towards recovering, and that would need personal and private space. yes, i would love to be showered with flowers,hugs and kisses, but i had to make sure that i was emotionally and physically fine before i dared to tell people i really cared about, to make them less worried and hence less troubled. i do very much love you guys. -MUAK!-
somehow, this entire year has taught me a lot about myself, allowed me to safely declare my weakness and strengths and work on it(whether or nt its successful is a totally different matter altogether). i feel so much more at peace with myself, those little walks with my besties along the beaches, or the chanel beside my house. i wouldnt have known what i really want in life without these quiet moments of solitude. the gentle breeze, pretty flowers and gently swaying palm trees are definitely ideal conditions for contemplation and reflection. even sitting on the table next to the window and watching cars go by and feeling the gentle breeze between your fingers can be so refreshing. it's as if you can sit there all night long, and still feel so quiet, peaceful, restful. it's beautiful. i love it.
people change over the year, i've seen countless personalities lose their identity by mingling into the crowd, being just part of them and not someone different. yet, i've seen people who used to be quiet, demure and overly giving stand up against the tide and influences and let their voices be heard. then, there are those who remain constant, the ever bright lights amongst the sea of people, those you want to cry to and hug them tightly in times of need. all these people have made my life more meaningful, interesting and three-dimensional. i've learnt to let go, to move on, to cling on to those you cherish, yet allow them the freedom to change, to learn and to grow. that's life, and i thank people around me for that. i've learnt that distance is not a factor, nor a valid excuse, that somehow you've got to make time for them, that no matter what, they are the few rare ones that truly understand you. they are the ones whom will stand by you. all the way.
no doubt, there are so many things i could have done, should have done better. opportunities which i let past, chances which i did not grasp. though it's normal to bemoan these lost opportunities, how can anyone be sure that we would have been better off with or without, how would you be sure that they would have indefinitely brought us more happiness, joy or knowledge. so there's no point thinking about it. maybe because i'm religious, i always attribute these to fate. i've always believed from young that things happen for a reason, that there's no need to cry over failures or losses, as they always provide an alternative door for you. like lee ann womack's 'i hope you dance', when one door closes i hope another opens, even when the future seems bleak, as long as you take it as an opportunity to learn to grow, to succeed the next time, no one loses, we all win. it's about looking at things from different perspectives, choosing to see the flip side instead of the bad. no matter how bad things are, how impossible it might seem, just look hard, you'll find your way out. i'm sure.
life's one hell of a rollercoaster, you can never predict what's gonna happen. i'll say just live and soak in the sunshine, bask in the moonlight and jusssttt enjoy. a cliche saying, but yes, live life to the fullest.
till then, ciao!
in general, i've become a much stronger girl, both emotionally and physically. i cant stipulate exactly why, cos it's kinda private and personal, but those whom matter to me should know, and i hope and i think they would understand why. unexpected things have popped up, caused many nightmates, heartaches, crying bouts and many soiled tissues, but they've allowed me to grow. under such circumstances, there's really no one to will yourself on, except yourself. it's you that would make the difference. i chose to take that leap, to not take the easy way out, and i'm so much better than before. and i count my blessings for that. people ask me why i didnt tell them, why i chose to keep it private, why i didnt believe in the support that my best friends would have given me in such times. but, it's not a matter of whether i have faith in you, whether i love you enough to spill my sorrows, but rather that acknowledging, taking some time for everything to sink in is the very first step towards recovering, and that would need personal and private space. yes, i would love to be showered with flowers,hugs and kisses, but i had to make sure that i was emotionally and physically fine before i dared to tell people i really cared about, to make them less worried and hence less troubled. i do very much love you guys. -MUAK!-
somehow, this entire year has taught me a lot about myself, allowed me to safely declare my weakness and strengths and work on it(whether or nt its successful is a totally different matter altogether). i feel so much more at peace with myself, those little walks with my besties along the beaches, or the chanel beside my house. i wouldnt have known what i really want in life without these quiet moments of solitude. the gentle breeze, pretty flowers and gently swaying palm trees are definitely ideal conditions for contemplation and reflection. even sitting on the table next to the window and watching cars go by and feeling the gentle breeze between your fingers can be so refreshing. it's as if you can sit there all night long, and still feel so quiet, peaceful, restful. it's beautiful. i love it.
people change over the year, i've seen countless personalities lose their identity by mingling into the crowd, being just part of them and not someone different. yet, i've seen people who used to be quiet, demure and overly giving stand up against the tide and influences and let their voices be heard. then, there are those who remain constant, the ever bright lights amongst the sea of people, those you want to cry to and hug them tightly in times of need. all these people have made my life more meaningful, interesting and three-dimensional. i've learnt to let go, to move on, to cling on to those you cherish, yet allow them the freedom to change, to learn and to grow. that's life, and i thank people around me for that. i've learnt that distance is not a factor, nor a valid excuse, that somehow you've got to make time for them, that no matter what, they are the few rare ones that truly understand you. they are the ones whom will stand by you. all the way.
no doubt, there are so many things i could have done, should have done better. opportunities which i let past, chances which i did not grasp. though it's normal to bemoan these lost opportunities, how can anyone be sure that we would have been better off with or without, how would you be sure that they would have indefinitely brought us more happiness, joy or knowledge. so there's no point thinking about it. maybe because i'm religious, i always attribute these to fate. i've always believed from young that things happen for a reason, that there's no need to cry over failures or losses, as they always provide an alternative door for you. like lee ann womack's 'i hope you dance', when one door closes i hope another opens, even when the future seems bleak, as long as you take it as an opportunity to learn to grow, to succeed the next time, no one loses, we all win. it's about looking at things from different perspectives, choosing to see the flip side instead of the bad. no matter how bad things are, how impossible it might seem, just look hard, you'll find your way out. i'm sure.
life's one hell of a rollercoaster, you can never predict what's gonna happen. i'll say just live and soak in the sunshine, bask in the moonlight and jusssttt enjoy. a cliche saying, but yes, live life to the fullest.
till then, ciao!