Day 9
My weekend was pretty good--Friday night I went to see the Richard Alston Dance company on my own, Saturday I had the morning and early afternoon to myself, in the evening I went to dinner with Jeff at his Mom and Al's place, and at night I attended pixiechic's birthday. Sunday I woke up late, had some sweet lovin', then went and saw Ladysmith Black Mambazzo. Spent Sunday evening grocery shopping and prepping food for this week.
I'm getting tired of being hungry and eating only steamed veggie matter. I'm a little weirded out by needing to say 'no' all the time. At Jeff's mom's place, at the birthday party, even walking through whole foods--a lot of 'no.' I keep reminding myself that this is my choice. That I'm limiting my food intake because I choose to lose weight in this fashion. Because I think a detox is a nice idea. I still fantasize about bitting and chewing good chocolate chip cookies. I still crave cheese. Funny, watching Jeff eat or anyone else doesn't bother me so much. Last night Jeff felt bad to eat a burrito in front of me, but I explained as a grown woman I can go out and forage for food on my own (read--spend money at a tacqueria), but it's interesting to be a grown woman with choices making this one.
Saturday night I found myself cruising the kitchen of the party every so often, to see who was about, to make my way to the living room or hot tub, and noticed I had to consciously choose not to snack. At parties of this sort (even in that very house), I often cruised the kitchen to see what's snackable. Not out of hunger or boredom or any negative emotions--just because one enjoys at parties and overindulges. I prefer my indulgence in food. I also noticed that as the party progressed, the kitchen emptied and no one else seemed to feel the urge to cruise the kitchen to grab snacks or tasty things. Looking back, my kitchen grazing was often done solo.
At one point, I found myself in the bathroom mentally saying 'nothing tastes as good as fit feels.' Not sure if repeating such silly stuff makes it feel believable, but it's a good effort I think.
So far I've lost 7 pounds.
I should probably be happy, but I feel nervous cause I know it's just water or glycogen stores or crap from my intestines. I'm hoping the weight stays off and more weight goes with it. I suspect I should go back to reading my handbook as it might be full of supportive helpful info. And my ankle has been hurting pretty bad today--making it hard to workout. Between my ankle and my decreased food, as well as a sour mood fueled by my desire not to attend that Leadership class tonight, I'm super grumpy pants with no desire to see anyone. Which is bad because I see all these folks reaching out to me and feel I should be reaching back, I'm just not in the right head space for it. Grumble. I worry that if I don't reach back, they'll stop trying. Cause folks aren't generally that keen to reach out to me first--I'm always the one calling, making plans, sending emails, ferreting the invites, etc. Bah.
I'm getting tired of being hungry and eating only steamed veggie matter. I'm a little weirded out by needing to say 'no' all the time. At Jeff's mom's place, at the birthday party, even walking through whole foods--a lot of 'no.' I keep reminding myself that this is my choice. That I'm limiting my food intake because I choose to lose weight in this fashion. Because I think a detox is a nice idea. I still fantasize about bitting and chewing good chocolate chip cookies. I still crave cheese. Funny, watching Jeff eat or anyone else doesn't bother me so much. Last night Jeff felt bad to eat a burrito in front of me, but I explained as a grown woman I can go out and forage for food on my own (read--spend money at a tacqueria), but it's interesting to be a grown woman with choices making this one.
Saturday night I found myself cruising the kitchen of the party every so often, to see who was about, to make my way to the living room or hot tub, and noticed I had to consciously choose not to snack. At parties of this sort (even in that very house), I often cruised the kitchen to see what's snackable. Not out of hunger or boredom or any negative emotions--just because one enjoys at parties and overindulges. I prefer my indulgence in food. I also noticed that as the party progressed, the kitchen emptied and no one else seemed to feel the urge to cruise the kitchen to grab snacks or tasty things. Looking back, my kitchen grazing was often done solo.
At one point, I found myself in the bathroom mentally saying 'nothing tastes as good as fit feels.' Not sure if repeating such silly stuff makes it feel believable, but it's a good effort I think.
So far I've lost 7 pounds.
I should probably be happy, but I feel nervous cause I know it's just water or glycogen stores or crap from my intestines. I'm hoping the weight stays off and more weight goes with it. I suspect I should go back to reading my handbook as it might be full of supportive helpful info. And my ankle has been hurting pretty bad today--making it hard to workout. Between my ankle and my decreased food, as well as a sour mood fueled by my desire not to attend that Leadership class tonight, I'm super grumpy pants with no desire to see anyone. Which is bad because I see all these folks reaching out to me and feel I should be reaching back, I'm just not in the right head space for it. Grumble. I worry that if I don't reach back, they'll stop trying. Cause folks aren't generally that keen to reach out to me first--I'm always the one calling, making plans, sending emails, ferreting the invites, etc. Bah.