somewhere between may 11th and 12th 2010.

[polyphonic_girl]

It's the last 15 minutes of May 11th as I begin this blog post. I haven't been to this location on the world wide web in a couple years it seems. How does time go on and we travel so many places and experience so many things and then with no difficulty at all we are again back in the same exact place

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[gleeful_t]

Just before the second, or maybe it was the first, night of our showcase, as I was waiting backstage, house open, costume on, ready to go, I wondered what had happened to the special me from high school. I desperately wanted to go out onstage and shine like a beacon, but more than that, I wanted to have that feeling I remembered from highschool, of going onstage and feeling like the only luminous, glowing being in the room.

A second later I realized that is a part of my past, but not who I am right now anymore. I have that memory in my body, but it's not how I felt at that moment. But I felt stronger. Weathered, but steady. Grown-up, less naive, whatever. But I know I can still do it.

I don't know-- it's sad and strange to mourn a part of yourself. In studio, especially with Kristen Johnston, I felt like I didn't know who I was or what I wanted, and then I realized I did, it's just shifted slightly from who I used to be. And I think that person is special.

It's good to have you here, even if I've only seen you once. I've gotta come over and see your place! And I hope it's healing the wounds NY gave you.

I would never call you ordinary, ever. You're a force. Set your aim on the goal and don't let your doubts keep you from it (she said as she tried valiantly to take her own advice). xx

[polyphonic_girl]

(just seeing this)

i'm glad you can relate. i need to hear more about the kristen johnson fiasco. from what i've heard she sounds like a trip. you're completely right about all that you said and i guess i'm still trying to reckon with all of that.

when are you free to come visit me and my kitty??? there is a nice pool in the building if you wanna come chill with martinis and cheese or something lol.

hope all is well. thanks for the response.

xxoxoxo

[gleeful_t]

I must absolutely come visit! I'm free Friday? Let me know- I'll text you.

xoxo!