lets talk about a few things.
1) how i had a most erotic experience acquiring my latest tattoo. the artist was totally drooling and throwing out all sorts of inappropriate comments that in no way made me feel sketchy or uncomfortable. that combined with the sensation was like...whoa.
2) how i'm actually only attracted to sexually ambiguous men.
3) how gary bennett is my savior in this world and might actually be responsible for my acting career. he submitted me for a CW audition for the bev hills 90210 remake and it was a wonderful experience.
4) how 2 years of theatre training did nothing but make me overly conscious of everything occurring when i'm performing and how im re-learning to love my passion. a lot thanks to performance art class and full-fledged encouragement from administration at stonestreet.
it only makes me infuriated that the time and energy could have been spent actually improving and growing in my craft. i often wish i went to strasberg. i only think of what my emotional accessibility would be right now. i feel like instead, i have become more closed off in my acting (not all the time but a lot). i felt so unrightfully invaded that some part of me has shut off and become numb. its very unfortunate but im undoing the injustice slowly. mostly by soaking up whatever i can to give me confidence in my ability. im almost like scared to be good because im scared to be bad? needless reflection, folks...
yet im getting all sorts of great auditions and callbacks and apparently good feedback (though no parts yet) so im starting to feel like im penetrating the grand ball of acting that i know i can fully encompass.
5) how i'm beginning to form some sort of distanced yet involved relationship with my mother.
6) how anxious i am to begin my life and stop distracting myself from the hurt of not obtaining my dream with things like disco balls, needless reflection, and singing karaoke with the italian mafia. yeah...it happens. quite regularly. usually after indoor rock climbing on thursday nights.
7)how much i really dislike certain people yet feel bad for them at the same time...
8) how much i want to be heard in this world.
9) how much i want to be understood.
10) how much i want to understand myself. or don't want to. i don't know yet.
2) how i'm actually only attracted to sexually ambiguous men.
3) how gary bennett is my savior in this world and might actually be responsible for my acting career. he submitted me for a CW audition for the bev hills 90210 remake and it was a wonderful experience.
4) how 2 years of theatre training did nothing but make me overly conscious of everything occurring when i'm performing and how im re-learning to love my passion. a lot thanks to performance art class and full-fledged encouragement from administration at stonestreet.
it only makes me infuriated that the time and energy could have been spent actually improving and growing in my craft. i often wish i went to strasberg. i only think of what my emotional accessibility would be right now. i feel like instead, i have become more closed off in my acting (not all the time but a lot). i felt so unrightfully invaded that some part of me has shut off and become numb. its very unfortunate but im undoing the injustice slowly. mostly by soaking up whatever i can to give me confidence in my ability. im almost like scared to be good because im scared to be bad? needless reflection, folks...
yet im getting all sorts of great auditions and callbacks and apparently good feedback (though no parts yet) so im starting to feel like im penetrating the grand ball of acting that i know i can fully encompass.
5) how i'm beginning to form some sort of distanced yet involved relationship with my mother.
6) how anxious i am to begin my life and stop distracting myself from the hurt of not obtaining my dream with things like disco balls, needless reflection, and singing karaoke with the italian mafia. yeah...it happens. quite regularly. usually after indoor rock climbing on thursday nights.
7)how much i really dislike certain people yet feel bad for them at the same time...
8) how much i want to be heard in this world.
9) how much i want to be understood.
10) how much i want to understand myself. or don't want to. i don't know yet.