(no subject)
Dear self,
you've been going through the grind, be perhaps you should consider a little bit of re-tooling. While it is understandable that all tools get dull, at least you can recognize it. With that tidbit of knowledge that's ingrainded in your blessed self, you have already learned what it is to retool. While a metaphor may be the specs of the tool, the process is still a family secret. You know you can dig deep and hone in these fine moments, deburr these spurns of life. Take a maligned dull edge and turn in back into the aspirations of a future self ready to cut through the bullshit fed by the motivations of day to day. It is the day to day that gets us through, are you doing that now? So easy to get caught up into the menusha of the dipshit of day to day, to get weighed down into the sticky tack that holds us down and causes layover of our own freedom that gives us rest and the bliss to continue free of thought. Turn the other cheek? or just drop it off and don't even bother with the turn? Each case is to it's own, sometimes it is better to let go and let live, or to hold on and give love. Terribly so, quite so life it is but a chance of gander. Where do I let the dice fall which is my life. Crazy to think... I always hold the dice I shake, but yet sometimes someone else it he one blowing onthe dice.
Life has been hard. Like has been very unrewarding. I have made some sacrifices to what is necessary for self-growth, yet however, I feel very inudated with shitty feels. I mean, I suppose I am better now that I was. But I feel like I have traded 10 pts of happy for 2 pts of growth. which is a raw deal. I really wish things would be different. I am just letting theses fingers flap away. It's something now to let them go. so much down time, yet so much bore time. Nothing left to inspire, nothing left to instigate change other than my own dead smoldering coles. While harsh as it is, recognizing it is a truth beknownst it's own. Stagnant. Stagnant water, stagnant life. I don't know.
There have been many life moments that are happening now. I really don't know what or rather how I feel to address them. The toughest part may be my best friend getting married. It hardly feels like we are best friends. I mean, we both see coworkers more right? what does that make me, yesterday friend? I suppose...... it is tough, it is really shitty. The pill is caught in my throat, yet I am still trying to swallow. The details of my new friendship of old. Like topping off a plant but yet transplanting a new budding growth to the tip.... What a frankenstein hackjob is what that sounds like to me.
My rib hurts. my life hurts, I have not the things I desires, or rather, the things that cause the release of chemicals in my brain to make me happy. Changes have been instilled but it's just a framework waiting to be replsihed and restored into something beautiful I suppose.
Dreams lately have been nothing about the current. Every dream draws upon my past, or to say, at least year past or so. That is really tough for me to endure. What do es that mean? Am I not livin gmy life in th moment for it to register its importance? Am i letting things slide past and I don't realize it until too late? I don't fucking nknow. jchrihah
I need some new fung sheui.
need some
always needing
lets retool the needing
retool the tool
rework the has
redevelop the self
you've been going through the grind, be perhaps you should consider a little bit of re-tooling. While it is understandable that all tools get dull, at least you can recognize it. With that tidbit of knowledge that's ingrainded in your blessed self, you have already learned what it is to retool. While a metaphor may be the specs of the tool, the process is still a family secret. You know you can dig deep and hone in these fine moments, deburr these spurns of life. Take a maligned dull edge and turn in back into the aspirations of a future self ready to cut through the bullshit fed by the motivations of day to day. It is the day to day that gets us through, are you doing that now? So easy to get caught up into the menusha of the dipshit of day to day, to get weighed down into the sticky tack that holds us down and causes layover of our own freedom that gives us rest and the bliss to continue free of thought. Turn the other cheek? or just drop it off and don't even bother with the turn? Each case is to it's own, sometimes it is better to let go and let live, or to hold on and give love. Terribly so, quite so life it is but a chance of gander. Where do I let the dice fall which is my life. Crazy to think... I always hold the dice I shake, but yet sometimes someone else it he one blowing onthe dice.
Life has been hard. Like has been very unrewarding. I have made some sacrifices to what is necessary for self-growth, yet however, I feel very inudated with shitty feels. I mean, I suppose I am better now that I was. But I feel like I have traded 10 pts of happy for 2 pts of growth. which is a raw deal. I really wish things would be different. I am just letting theses fingers flap away. It's something now to let them go. so much down time, yet so much bore time. Nothing left to inspire, nothing left to instigate change other than my own dead smoldering coles. While harsh as it is, recognizing it is a truth beknownst it's own. Stagnant. Stagnant water, stagnant life. I don't know.
There have been many life moments that are happening now. I really don't know what or rather how I feel to address them. The toughest part may be my best friend getting married. It hardly feels like we are best friends. I mean, we both see coworkers more right? what does that make me, yesterday friend? I suppose...... it is tough, it is really shitty. The pill is caught in my throat, yet I am still trying to swallow. The details of my new friendship of old. Like topping off a plant but yet transplanting a new budding growth to the tip.... What a frankenstein hackjob is what that sounds like to me.
My rib hurts. my life hurts, I have not the things I desires, or rather, the things that cause the release of chemicals in my brain to make me happy. Changes have been instilled but it's just a framework waiting to be replsihed and restored into something beautiful I suppose.
Dreams lately have been nothing about the current. Every dream draws upon my past, or to say, at least year past or so. That is really tough for me to endure. What do es that mean? Am I not livin gmy life in th moment for it to register its importance? Am i letting things slide past and I don't realize it until too late? I don't fucking nknow. jchrihah
I need some new fung sheui.
need some
always needing
lets retool the needing
retool the tool
rework the has
redevelop the self