I Will Risk This Post
because I'm at a point in my life where I can afford to look foolish, to be wrong, to be disappointed.
I had a great date tonight. Like I've never had before. Where I was immediately attracted and she said so as well, where we conversed fluently and fluidly and then at one point she stopped me mid-sentence and said, "You're cute" and then we kissed. And then we kissed from there and her lips were delicious and I felt comfortable with her.
I've never had a situation with a girl where I've felt good enough and confident enough of the results to publish them. To tell my mother, or my friends. My history with women has been such that most find out about the relationship after its over, or post-rejection, or at a point where I've already dug my emotions too deep, beyond what is respectful, as the girl herself had no choice in the matter of the dream I created far beyond the expectations of reality. My fault, and ironically also my Achilles' heel, as then the issue became not the throwing on of so much attraction but the refusal to show it, resulting in more than a few relationships where the woman finally said, "You can't take me for granted" and I was confused because I was holding back so as not to hurt her.
But this date was great. Easy. Chemistry. I had my arm around her and she smiled, and we told each other things we wanted to say during dates but hold back from others. We'll be talking all through the weekend and meeting for lunch on Tuesday at the latest.
And so if it doesn't work out, fine. I had this one night, and follow up conversation. I have something for a moment that, tonight, when I go to sleep in solitude, I won't feel alone. And I've never. Fucking. Felt that.
The future is scary, and guarantees nothing. But the moment right now, the Tao is enough to breathe deep and be pleased.
--PolarisDiB
I had a great date tonight. Like I've never had before. Where I was immediately attracted and she said so as well, where we conversed fluently and fluidly and then at one point she stopped me mid-sentence and said, "You're cute" and then we kissed. And then we kissed from there and her lips were delicious and I felt comfortable with her.
I've never had a situation with a girl where I've felt good enough and confident enough of the results to publish them. To tell my mother, or my friends. My history with women has been such that most find out about the relationship after its over, or post-rejection, or at a point where I've already dug my emotions too deep, beyond what is respectful, as the girl herself had no choice in the matter of the dream I created far beyond the expectations of reality. My fault, and ironically also my Achilles' heel, as then the issue became not the throwing on of so much attraction but the refusal to show it, resulting in more than a few relationships where the woman finally said, "You can't take me for granted" and I was confused because I was holding back so as not to hurt her.
But this date was great. Easy. Chemistry. I had my arm around her and she smiled, and we told each other things we wanted to say during dates but hold back from others. We'll be talking all through the weekend and meeting for lunch on Tuesday at the latest.
And so if it doesn't work out, fine. I had this one night, and follow up conversation. I have something for a moment that, tonight, when I go to sleep in solitude, I won't feel alone. And I've never. Fucking. Felt that.
The future is scary, and guarantees nothing. But the moment right now, the Tao is enough to breathe deep and be pleased.
--PolarisDiB