Comments | polaris93: Emotional Chinese finger-trap

polaris93

Emotional Chinese finger-trap

Jan 01, 2011 12:20

A lot of people have told me over the years that I'm an ingrate because I don't want to be comforted (by them, in any conventional way). I've had real trouble explaining why to them, and eventually gave up because trying was too much trouble, and they wouldn't listen and wouldn't believe it. Well, it's caused me trouble again, so once more (sigh ( Read more... )

battered women, ptsd, wounded warriors, personal, psychology, child abuse

Comments 19

prader January 1 2011, 21:33:33 UTC

Okay. :D

I understand.

But keep in mind it doesn't give those of us who care a lot of options as far as what to say.

Now get back to your awesome posts about science and shit! ;)

polaris93 January 1 2011, 21:35:06 UTC

I love you too, Phil. XD No, really. :-D Hope your new year is really, really great -- and yes, I'll keep right on blogging it all. XD

prader January 1 2011, 21:46:17 UTC

I hope yours is too, Yael.

polaris93 January 1 2011, 21:46:51 UTC

Thank you. :-D

Thread 6

spookshow1313 January 2 2011, 02:28:11 UTC

I'm sorry I haven't been able to keep up with LJ these past few months, as you are one of the few "friends" I have left on here who I can truly talk to without this exact sort of thing happening. There are no words that can truly express my sympathy for your cat's passing, and they're empty condolences anyway. So why bother when it won't make a difference ( ... )

polaris93 January 2 2011, 03:24:41 UTC

Thank you -- I kinda thought you might understand, too. :-D There aren't many people in the world who do understand, and I count myself very, very fortunate to have several of them as friends on LJ, yourself included. The world would be a much lonelier, harsher place otherwise ( ... )

hannahsarah January 2 2011, 06:31:07 UTC

Thank you for writing that. It has helped me understand you a lot better, and I appreciate it. If I ever say anything that you're not sure about, I hope you feel that you can ask me to clarify or rephrase things.

All signs point to my daughter having Asperger's Syndrome. She tells me that she really doesn't like it when people give her compliments. I'm the only one she trusts to compliment her on things. I've told her to smile and say "Thank you" and just let it drop. She knows she can come to me to talk about it if it really bugs her. I'm not trying to make her into a fake person, but just smoothing things socially. I certainly don't make her feel bad for not feeling flattered by strangers fussing over her long hair or whatever. She has some of that "feral cat" in her as well, and does best when people let her lead the interactions. I like that analogy a lot, and I'll keep it in mind.

polaris93 January 2 2011, 06:35:41 UTC

I'm glad I posted this. Perhaps I should have done so a good deal sooner. There are others who are like me, and we have real problems dealing with people who think we're just like them and try to push this or that on us at precisely the wrong time. I don't think that this post would ever make sense to any of them, which means that you are not like them, though not particularly like me, either. Which is good -- if people were all alike, it would be a dull world. ;-)

As far as what you're teaching your daughter goes, it sounds good -- we have to accommodate to others in life to some extent, or we couldn't get along with others at all. A nod and a smile is often enough to bring the interaction to a close without hard feelings, so it's a good way to handle it. :-)

Take care. Hope 2011 is a really great year for you. :-)

hannahsarah January 2 2011, 07:52:32 UTC

All the best to you too, my friend! :-D

polaris93 January 2 2011, 07:55:43 UTC

:-D

typewriterking January 2 2011, 07:15:30 UTC

Understood.

polaris93 January 2 2011, 07:16:15 UTC

Thanks. :-D

expanding_x_man January 2 2011, 07:33:31 UTC

I will try to understand, and I thank you for writing this. The medium we know each other in is weird any way, since well, we don't REALLY know each other much at all, I would not know you if I saw you on the street, yet I know many important and intimate details of your life. It is all very strange and part of this new type of "socializing" we are all doing now. Ephemeral, yet deep at the same time.

I do like you, and enjoy your posts. I try to read the ones that really grab me. I guess you don't want compliments, but even this gives me a good feeling of you as a person. That's not really a compliment, that's just how i feel.

I do hope your new year is a good one, a better one.

This post helps me to understand types of experience I don't completely understand, and that is important.

polaris93 January 2 2011, 07:55:18 UTC

Compliments when they are in order and in proportion are fine, and I thank you for yours. It's flattery -- overly effusive praise with an ulterior motive behind it, or just plain stupid nattering that is guaranteed to get under the skin of whomever it's aimed at -- that I can't take ( ... )