(no subject)
everything in my head has gone completly west. things i think and thing i feel just dont seem to fit together.
every time ive ever loved something or someone theyve always been taken away from me. its fully jilted my confidence. the one person who ii thought was going to stick around forever was my grandad. the next person who even came close was shagging a tonne of my "mates" behind my back. then told me he never felt anything for me. my dad makes it nice and clear that i was the worst mistake of his life, but his other two daughters are gems.
for once, id liek one thing to stick around. something little i can depend on and spoil, a tiiiny bit of stability.
someone who doesnt mind listenin to me moan and bitch, and wholl even laugh at me while i do it and make me see the funny side of things.
someone who wont mind moaning at me and understand that i understand things that some people dont. i dont mind listening atall, i can keep secrets better than most people. that i wont judge because basically ive done some right crap things and made the worst descisions in the world.
recently ive started to think i have something along these lines, chris. basically hes the best thing thats happened to me in a hell of a long time. i dont think im good enough for him, so i panic alot. im sure he gets sick of me asking if hes okay. but i really cant help it. im sorry.
i think i deserve it.
actually scrap that, i think everyone deserves something liek that.
stability, unconditional, honesty.
x
every time ive ever loved something or someone theyve always been taken away from me. its fully jilted my confidence. the one person who ii thought was going to stick around forever was my grandad. the next person who even came close was shagging a tonne of my "mates" behind my back. then told me he never felt anything for me. my dad makes it nice and clear that i was the worst mistake of his life, but his other two daughters are gems.
for once, id liek one thing to stick around. something little i can depend on and spoil, a tiiiny bit of stability.
someone who doesnt mind listenin to me moan and bitch, and wholl even laugh at me while i do it and make me see the funny side of things.
someone who wont mind moaning at me and understand that i understand things that some people dont. i dont mind listening atall, i can keep secrets better than most people. that i wont judge because basically ive done some right crap things and made the worst descisions in the world.
recently ive started to think i have something along these lines, chris. basically hes the best thing thats happened to me in a hell of a long time. i dont think im good enough for him, so i panic alot. im sure he gets sick of me asking if hes okay. but i really cant help it. im sorry.
i think i deserve it.
actually scrap that, i think everyone deserves something liek that.
stability, unconditional, honesty.
x