(no subject)
So tonight was wonderful. And maybe facebook being down is actually a good thing for once.
But I need to confess something to you guys. On the way to Marissa's, I was struck with a horrible pang of anxiety. I started breathing heavy and really wanted to turn around. Not because I was lost, or didn't want to see the people that were there, just because something dawned on me.
Everyone, well nearly everyone, is currently in a relationship.
I don't know why it took me that long to realize, or why it even caused me to worry, but it did, and it has been bothering me.
I mean years ago, I remember writing something in this damn thing about parties being "couply" and blah blah, but it's different now.
I mean I'm happy for everyone. Sincerely and honestly happy.
I'm glad Craig, you found someone who's madly in love with you.
And Kendra and Brian, I don't think I remember you two happier together.
Nick, congrats on the girl, she's pretty amazing and I'm glad for you.
Likewise Amy, your man, is well the man!
But I still can't shaking the feeling like I'm some sort of voyuer (sp?) of other people's relationships. Like an outsider, someone who just watches but never experiences anything themselves.
I'm observative...observant... observatantive... whatever, lol, and I can tell when others are being coy, flirtatous, or simply checking one another out. But the moment that attention, whatever it may be, is addressed to me, I become this clueless buffoon who knows absolutely nothing about social interactions.
And, whatever, I'll eventually learn, but its so frustrating because its not like situations haven't arisen, despite what I constantly tell myself, but they just do and by the time I realize what is going on, it's too late. And everything is gone.
I wish it was just easier to go up to someone and be like, "Hi I like you. Let's be romantically involved." But life isn't an awkwardly stated phrase. And it doesn't work out that way.
And thus here I am at 2:40am on my livejournal. Lol. Wow.
But I need to confess something to you guys. On the way to Marissa's, I was struck with a horrible pang of anxiety. I started breathing heavy and really wanted to turn around. Not because I was lost, or didn't want to see the people that were there, just because something dawned on me.
Everyone, well nearly everyone, is currently in a relationship.
I don't know why it took me that long to realize, or why it even caused me to worry, but it did, and it has been bothering me.
I mean years ago, I remember writing something in this damn thing about parties being "couply" and blah blah, but it's different now.
I mean I'm happy for everyone. Sincerely and honestly happy.
I'm glad Craig, you found someone who's madly in love with you.
And Kendra and Brian, I don't think I remember you two happier together.
Nick, congrats on the girl, she's pretty amazing and I'm glad for you.
Likewise Amy, your man, is well the man!
But I still can't shaking the feeling like I'm some sort of voyuer (sp?) of other people's relationships. Like an outsider, someone who just watches but never experiences anything themselves.
I'm observative...observant... observatantive... whatever, lol, and I can tell when others are being coy, flirtatous, or simply checking one another out. But the moment that attention, whatever it may be, is addressed to me, I become this clueless buffoon who knows absolutely nothing about social interactions.
And, whatever, I'll eventually learn, but its so frustrating because its not like situations haven't arisen, despite what I constantly tell myself, but they just do and by the time I realize what is going on, it's too late. And everything is gone.
I wish it was just easier to go up to someone and be like, "Hi I like you. Let's be romantically involved." But life isn't an awkwardly stated phrase. And it doesn't work out that way.
And thus here I am at 2:40am on my livejournal. Lol. Wow.