I Believe it's Time for a Reality Check
Never can I let this secret pass me. If I'm betrayed by one of the three I've told then... my life is virtually going to fall.
I just sorta realized how ironic that is. I think I knew the whole time things would go wrong if I chose that bastard. Wish I knew myself better, because then I wouldn't have to sort myself out as much right now. Oh well.
I doubt anyone will bother to read this anymore, and I'm glad. It's because I started posting stuff on here that things even went wrong. :] But here I am again. Am I trying to bring more trouble to myself? Nah.. just wanting to get things off my chest. Today is the last day of school at least. I'm about to head off, but really wanted to post here first. I ruined my Freshman year but I know I'll make it up. I have three more years of high school left, and then a whole adulthood. I'm sure I'll live with it. What's being a Freshman anyway? Nothing great.
So, I found out why Max left me. Honestly, it's not surprising. He falls "in love" too easily. He's pathetic. Took me while my heart and mind were weak and got me into his grasp. I hope the bitch he's with now will ruin him for a few months too.. or perhaps he'll leave her and hurt her. I can't wait for more karma to hit him. I'm sorry to say it, but he needs help. If the things he's been through are true, then yeah. But who knows what he said was true? Now that I think on it, it could be highly unlikely.
I don't think Richie will ever love me again, and that's okay. It hurts, sure, but I can't expect him to love me. I just know that I love him. Jordan says I should cut off ties with him but I don't know that I can. Every time I try, he talks to me. It's not easy. I think part of Richie knows and might actually not want that... Then again, I could just be being naively hopeful.
I think Jor might actually have feelings for me, which makes me feel a little bad... I don't see myself with him. He really is like the brother I never really had. Sure I have siblings but I'm not close to any of them. Jordan is wonderful. I'd rather not curse him, as I seem to do. One day I so want to go visit him in Michigan though. That'd be fun. I warned him though, if I saw Max there I would fucking at least get a good punch or slap in. He's reassured me that Max wouldn't be anywhere near his place though.
Time to save up money? XD
Oh well, I should finish my hair and get going. Two finals and then a whole summer of change. I'm going to change for the better this summer, for sure. My mom's even going to get involved. :] I'm happy. I thought she thought I was a screw up but I guess I was wrong. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that about myself... Richie says it's not true unless I think so, but he knows I'm not anyway. He's so confusing... but that's why I love him.
Until later,
Ashley
I just sorta realized how ironic that is. I think I knew the whole time things would go wrong if I chose that bastard. Wish I knew myself better, because then I wouldn't have to sort myself out as much right now. Oh well.
I doubt anyone will bother to read this anymore, and I'm glad. It's because I started posting stuff on here that things even went wrong. :] But here I am again. Am I trying to bring more trouble to myself? Nah.. just wanting to get things off my chest. Today is the last day of school at least. I'm about to head off, but really wanted to post here first. I ruined my Freshman year but I know I'll make it up. I have three more years of high school left, and then a whole adulthood. I'm sure I'll live with it. What's being a Freshman anyway? Nothing great.
So, I found out why Max left me. Honestly, it's not surprising. He falls "in love" too easily. He's pathetic. Took me while my heart and mind were weak and got me into his grasp. I hope the bitch he's with now will ruin him for a few months too.. or perhaps he'll leave her and hurt her. I can't wait for more karma to hit him. I'm sorry to say it, but he needs help. If the things he's been through are true, then yeah. But who knows what he said was true? Now that I think on it, it could be highly unlikely.
I don't think Richie will ever love me again, and that's okay. It hurts, sure, but I can't expect him to love me. I just know that I love him. Jordan says I should cut off ties with him but I don't know that I can. Every time I try, he talks to me. It's not easy. I think part of Richie knows and might actually not want that... Then again, I could just be being naively hopeful.
I think Jor might actually have feelings for me, which makes me feel a little bad... I don't see myself with him. He really is like the brother I never really had. Sure I have siblings but I'm not close to any of them. Jordan is wonderful. I'd rather not curse him, as I seem to do. One day I so want to go visit him in Michigan though. That'd be fun. I warned him though, if I saw Max there I would fucking at least get a good punch or slap in. He's reassured me that Max wouldn't be anywhere near his place though.
Time to save up money? XD
Oh well, I should finish my hair and get going. Two finals and then a whole summer of change. I'm going to change for the better this summer, for sure. My mom's even going to get involved. :] I'm happy. I thought she thought I was a screw up but I guess I was wrong. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that about myself... Richie says it's not true unless I think so, but he knows I'm not anyway. He's so confusing... but that's why I love him.
Until later,
Ashley