Buried: Chapter 8
Title: Buried
Pairing: Eunhae
Genre: AU
Summary: Hyukjae has spent a long time adjusting to his way of life. Now, he has to face a change that he never could have expected.
-
Hyukjae wakes up to the sound of a screeching alarm that he slams his hand onto. When it stops, he rolls over and sees a very disoriented, sleepy Donghae.
“Why is it so cold?” Donghae mumbles groggily.
Hyukjae blinks a few times and then laughs as he realizes that he stole all of the blankets in the middle of the night. He pulls the blankets off of himself and tucks Donghae in with them.
“Sorry,” Hyukjae apologizes, “I'm kinda used to sleeping alone. You stay here and be warm and I'll go turn the heat up.”
“Good idea.” Donghae yawns and nestles himself back into a comfortable position, delighted by the warmth of the blankets caused by Hyukjae's body heat.
Hyukjae smiles and gets out of bed. He turns the heat up before getting ready for his appointment. Just thinking about it makes his stomach drop so he tries to think happier thoughts instead. He thinks about Donghae, warm and comfortable in his bed. He thinks of coming home from his appointment and seeing Donghae again. Hyukjae's happy thoughts are all occupied by Donghae and he does not mind it at all.
When Hyukjae has showered, dressed, and eaten, he peeks into his room to find Donghae still asleep. He watches with a smile on his face before he decides to leave. He can only hope that after his appointment today, he'll still be able to smile when he faces Donghae.
-
“It's nice to see you again, Dr. Wu.” Hyukjae takes a seat as he sits across from his therapist.
“And you as well,” Dr. Wu replies. “How are you feeling?”
Hyukjae nervously rubs his palms against the soft material of the couch beneath him and avoids Dr. Wu's eyes. “Well... I guess I can assume you didn't watch the news this weekend?”
Dr. Wu tilts his head. “No. Why?”
“Oh, great. Now this is going to sound really crazy.” Hyukjae takes a deep breath and looks at Dr. Wu. “Donghae... isn't dead. He's alive and he's probably still sleeping in my house right now.”
Dr. Wu gives Hyukjae a blank look that Hyukjae has been dreading. “Hyukjae...” he starts solemnly.
“No,” Hyukjae interrupts. “No, I'm not losing my mind. It's not a hallucination, it's not a dream... it's real this time.”
“Hyukjae, if this is happening again, it means we'll need to get you medication.”
“I'm not sick anymore.” Hyukjae's tone is bitter. “I can prove it to you. You can call any of my friends or Donghae's mother. He was on the local news this weekend for talking down a man with a gun and if you just look it up, you'll find him.”
Dr. Wu looks reluctant and, even as he picks up his electronic tablet and begins to search, his facial expression clearly shows his lack of belief in Hyukjae. Then, suddenly, that expression changes entirely.
“I don't believe it,” he nearly whispers. “How is this possible?”
“That's a long story,” Hyukjae says. “The short version is that his death was faked for the sake of a police case. I've been coming back to this office and speaking to you for two years... because of a police case.”
“I'm very sorry, Hyukjae,” Dr. Wu says sincerely. “You've been through so much. Are you okay?”
“I wasn't at first,” Hyukjae begins to explain. He feels relaxed now. He feels sane. “I didn't know if he was real and when I realized that he was, I was angry. But I came to terms with my anger and I've been spending time with him. He's a little different but, hey, so am I. And even if he's different, he... he still makes me happy. That's not crazy, right?”
“No,” Dr. Wu assures. “You were happy and in love with him two years ago. It's perfectly normal to feel happy around him now. But, Hyukjae, how does he feel?”
“He... he's been dying to come back to me for two years. He wants to have a future with me.”
“And do you want to have a future with him?”
Hyukjae starts rubbing his palms on the couch again. He looks down as he contemplates his answer. The time that he has had with Donghae has been short. He wants that time to continue. Even if it will not be the same as it used to be, Hyukjae wants to be with Donghae.
“I do,” Hyukjae answers. “After all of this work you and I have done to practically make me forget him, I still want a future with him. Even though I tried so hard to move on, I don't think I stopped loving him.”
“That's understandable,” Dr. Wu says gently. “Hyukjae, I want you to be happy. If Donghae makes you happy, then it makes sense to keep him in your life. But I want you to remember that it may not always be easy. There are a lot of things you two need to catch up on. There are things you need to tell him and I'm sure he has things to tell you.”
“I know.” Hyukjae sighs and clasps his fidgety hands together. “But... we have a chance, right? We're not totally doomed?”
“Of course you have a chance.” Dr. Wu smiles. “I'd say you have a very good chance, actually. From what you've told me, you and Donghae know how to make a tough relationship work.”
“I guess we do.” Hyukjae leans back a little and catches Dr. Wu taking another peek at his tablet where the news story is undoubtedly still open. “Hard to believe, right?”
“Yes,” Dr. Wu responds. “I hadn't been expecting to talk to you about your relationship.”
“You were expecting to talk to me about my poor mind.”
Dr. Wu sets his tablet down. “Hyukjae, your mind is perfectly fine. It's been fine for months. I just want to make sure that you're okay. And now it seems like you're going to be more than okay.”
Hyukjae nods his head and tries to smile. He has confidence in what his therapist says. His mind is fine. He knows that. He can be happy with Donghae. He can have a happy future. Now, the only thing that Hyukjae has to struggle with is his past.
-
Hyukjae comes through the front door quietly but Donghae still hears him. Donghae makes his way to the front door to greet Hyukjae as he takes off his shoes.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“How'd it go?”
Hyukjae sighs and his shoulders slump. “As good as it could have gone, I guess. I'm just glad it's over.”
Donghae can tell that Hyukjae still has the same nervous energy about him that he'd had before he went to the appointment. “So... everything is okay?”
“Yeah,” Hyukjae responds with a slight nod. “My therapist thought I was crazy at first but luckily that was cleared up thanks to our faces being all over the news. And after that, he... I... uh... I kind of... have something to talk to you about.”
“You look nervous,” Donghae observes. “Whatever it is, just say it. It's obviously really bothering you so it's best to get it out now.”
Hyukjae nods but avoids Donghae's eyes as he thinks of how to phrase his thoughts. After his thoughts are organized, he takes a deep breath and looks at Donghae.
“The past couple of weeks have been... literally life-changing. They've been stressful and painful and confusing... but now I'm happy. I'm happy and I want you to be in my life. But there are so many things we need to do. We have a two year gap of pain that we need to figure out. So... I want to start by telling you something that I think you need to know.”
Donghae can tell that Hyukjae is not only nervous but scared as well. He gently takes Hyukjae's hand and leads them both to the couch where they sit. When they are comfortable and their hands are clasped together, Hyukjae continues.
“After you left, I couldn't accept that you were gone and my denial phase got a little out of control. I started having these dreams that you came back and everything was okay. It got to a point where all I wanted to do was sleep because it let me see you. My mind was so messed up that I couldn't tell the difference between a dream and reality anymore so... they put me on this medication and it made me so, so unhappy because it took you away from me. But I slowly realized that holding onto you was the thing that was making me miserable. When I managed to let go, I was taken off of the medication and... then you were really gone.”
When Hyukjae looks over at Donghae, he sees pure anguish. While Hyukjae has had time to deal with this problem, Donghae is only learning of its existence.
“There were so many days when I wondered if you were okay,” Donghae confesses. “I knew you would be hurt but... Hyukjae... I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve to feel like that. You shouldn't have had to go through that... and it's because of me.”
“No,” Hyukjae protests. He squeezes Donghae's hands. “Please don't blame yourself. Please.”
“But... I... knowing that I put you through that... I'll be haunted by that forever.”
“You won't,” Hyukjae says confidently. “It's easy to think like that but it isn't true. I thought that I would be stuck in a nightmare forever without you. But I was wrong. It seems like it'll take forever to heal but it won't. You'll be here, making it up to me with lots of gifts and foot rubs and eventually, you won't even remember why you felt bad in the first place. You'll heal.”
Donghae tries to smile but he cannot. He sighs. “But I'm the one who caused you to go to therapy. I'm the one who hurt you. I ruined your life.”
“Ruined my life?” Hyukjae sounds incredulous. “My parents ruined my life, Donghae. You're the one who made it better. You've always been the one who made my life better. You're even doing it now. If you weren't here, I would have come home from that appointment and gone straight to my room to cry over pictures of you for a few hours. Instead, I came home to talk to you about my past so that we can start thinking about the future. Our future.”
Donghae finally relaxes. Hyukjae's words placate him as they sink in. He knows that he will always feel guilty for Hyukjae's mourning but as long as he can stay here and make Hyukjae happy, he will be able to heal.
“You're right,” he says calmly and he receives a relieved smile. “Still... I think I'll always feel a little guilty. I knew that you were in pain and I couldn't do anything about it. It kind of ate me up inside. While you were sad, I guess I was angry. I had the power to go to you and take away your pain but I couldn't. It was... frustrating. So frustrating that I nearly did come back to you. Several times. But then I was put under surveillance and they eventually helped me realize that I would be putting you in danger.”
“You made the right decision by staying away,” Hyukjae assures. “If coming back meant that you, me, and all of our friends and family could be hurt... then you made the right choice.”
Donghae sighs and a bit of weight comes off of his shoulders. He leans against Hyukjae and feels support in his touch. He thinks that if they talk like this frequently, more and more weight will come off of both of their shoulders until nothing is left to hold them down.
-
Hyukjae should have known that Wednesday would not be peaceful. While he is at work, a subtly agitated but very triumphant Sunny decides to stop by with some news.
“It took a lot of relentless phone calls but we found the thief,” she says. “It was some media vulture, of course. They found your wedding picture at his house which is enough evidence to put him away for a while.”
Hyukjae stares blankly until this information processes. “Wow,” he says. “Wow. You really went after him, huh?”
“Of course,” Sunny responds. “He stole from my restaurant. But more importantly, he upset you and Donghae and he was definitely not going to get away with that. He can sit in jail and think about what he's done and hopefully when he comes out, he'll be a better person.”
The mention of Donghae's name makes Hyukjae perk up. “Does Donghae know?”
“Yup. I told him before coming here. He said I should be a detective.”
“He would,” Hyukjae mumbles with an amused smile that Sunny easily spots.
“You know, I saw that hug you gave Donghae on TV. You two looked pretty comfortable together.”
Hyukjae tries to keep his expression neutral. “I was just glad that he didn't die on me a second time.”
“Because you would miss him.”
“Of course I would,” Hyukjae blurts out. He sees Sunny's pleased grin and narrows his eyes. “Don't you have to be at work?”
“Fine, fine. I'll leave.” Sunny makes sure her coat is buttoned up and then glances up at Hyukjae. “If you ever want to cancel on Friday night dinner to go on a date with Donghae, Luna and I will understand.”
“Thanks for dropping by, Sunny,” Hyukjae says as if he had not heard her. He hears her laugh as she leaves.
-
After hearing of the arrest of the thief, Donghae heads to the police station. He hopes to find some answers regarding the stolen picture but he is met with an unwilling police captain.
“Donghae, you're supposed to be taking a break right now. And even if you weren't, I wouldn't let you anywhere near this case. You're a part of it which means you can't get involved.”
Donghae sighs and hangs his head. “I know, I just... thought I could help, or something.”
“That's thoughtful but there's no need.” The police captain claps a hand on Donghae's shoulder. “Go back to enjoying some time off. You can come back to work next week.”
“I will... but... if anything happens or, you know, if there's anything suspicious, could you let me know?”
The police captain looks at Donghae suspiciously before glancing around the room and pulling him into his office. He closes the door and turns to Donghae.
“We took care of them, Donghae. You know they can't hurt you anymore. This theft case isn't related to you. We checked.”
Donghae is stunned until he remembers that part of the captain's job is being able to read people.
“I know I shouldn't be worried but I just keep thinking... I was so preoccupied with returning home that... what if I left loose ends? What if we didn't take care of... all of them?”
Donghae has not been able to help the nagging at the back of his mind telling him that he should still be worried. He's been worried for two years and being entirely at peace has become foreign to him. The police captain notices every ounce of Donghae's paranoia.
“If anything happens, I'll let you know immediately. For now, all you need to know is that the guy who took your picture was some amateur looking for a raise. Don't worry about it.”
Donghae nods and tries a smile. “Thanks,” he says. “I guess I'll see you next week.”
“Take care,” the police captain says.
Donghae leaves the station feeling only slightly more relaxed than he had been when he entered. He is still worried but he plans to keep his nerves hidden in the same way that he has for weeks.
-
Donghae comes home to the smell of something delicious. He enters the kitchen to find Hyukjae sitting at the table, eating and reading an article that Donghae assumes is about art.
“Save any for me?” Donghae asks as he takes a seat.
Hyukjae glances down at his plate and then gives Donghae a guilty look. “I actually didn't,” he says. “Sorry... I thought you'd be at your mom's house and I know she wouldn't let you leave without feeding you.”
“It's okay,” Donghae replies, “I'll eat later. I was just at the station checking up on the whole thief situation but the captain wouldn't really let me do anything. But I'm going back to work officially next week.”
“Finally,” Hyukjae says sarcastically. “Now I can get away from you for a while.”
“I know,” Donghae responds. “I can't wait.”
Hyukjae snorts and continues eating his food. Donghae smiles. It's hard to imagine that not long ago, Hyukjae despised him and not long before that, Hyukjae wasn't even in his life. Now, they can sit at the same table and joke with one another. They can live in the same house, sit on the same couch, and lie on the same bed. No matter the pain they've caused for one another, they can still be like this. Donghae wonders in that moment if fate exists. As he's wondering, he is also staring and Hyukjae starts to stare back in confusion.
“You know, if you're hungry, you can make yourself something to eat,” Hyukjae suggests.
“I'm eating you with my eyes,” Donghae responds.
“Ew. That sounds weird. Don't do that.” Hyukjae makes a brief face of disgust before getting up to put his plate in the sink.
While Hyukjae is washing his plate, Donghae feels an overwhelming sense of adoration. He stands and walks to Hyukjae, putting a hand on his shoulder. When Hyukjae dries his hands and turns around, Donghae kisses him. Hyukjae expresses himself with a muffled sound of surprise followed by a muffled sound of confusion and he finishes with a muffled sound of enjoyment accompanied by relaxed shoulders and eager fingers that find their way to the back of Donghae's neck and seem content to stay there. Hyukjae pulls away eventually and sees an obviously satisfied Donghae looking at him.
“Not that I'm complaining or anything but... what was that?” Hyukjae asks.
“I couldn't remember the last time I'd touched you,” Donghae responds. “Or kissed you.”
Hyukjae smiles and plays with the hair on the back of Donghae's neck. “Hmm, well, the last time you touched me was this morning when you were lying on top of me and suffocating me when I woke up.”
“I don't remember that,” Donghae says.
“That's because you were sleeping,” Hyukjae clarifies.
“Right. And... what about the last time I kissed you?”
Hyukjae furrows his eyebrows. “It was, like, ten seconds ago. Did you already forget?”
“You're hilarious,” Donghae says while Hyukjae smiles smugly.
“I have to get some work done so if you have any more... urges, feel free to interrupt me,” Hyukjae says, letting his hands slip from Donghae's neck and down to his waist.
“It would be more efficient if you just stay right here,” Donghae says playfully.
“You're the worst,” Hyukjae replies and, despite his words, he tugs Donghae closer and kisses him again. He gently bites Donghae's lower lip as a playful tease and Donghae retaliates with a swift bite of his own. They both smile through their kisses. They peck and nudge and nibble. It isn't until Hyukjae feels the tiniest bit of cold metal against his cheek that he stops smiling. The cold is accompanied by the warmth of Donghae's left hand and he recognizes it as the ring that they had used to promise themselves to one another.
“Hyukjae?” Donghae asks when he notices that Hyukjae is dazed.
Hyukjae blinks at him. “Huh?” he says dumbly.
Donghae smiles and brushes a thumb against Hyukjae's cheek. “You okay?”
Hyukjae sees the genuine smile on Donghae's face and he doesn't know if he has the heart to take it away. He slowly slips his hands away from Donghae. And then he speaks.
“I don't have my ring anymore,” he says quietly.
“What?” Donghae responds, unsure if he had heard Hyukjae correctly.
“My ring... I... threw it away. I was angry and I just... I'm sorry.”
Donghae is speechless but quickly gathers his thoughts. “It's okay,” he says, “I understand. It... it makes sense.”
They both go silent, Donghae looking at the floor and Hyukjae looking at the ring on Donghae's hand. It shouldn't mean anything, it shouldn't be a big deal. Still, Donghae can't help feeling sad and Hyukjae can't help feeling guilty.
“I'm going to my office,” Hyukjae says. “I need to get that work done.”
Donghae doesn't say anything and Hyukjae walks away. Donghae lifts his hand and looks at the ring on his finger. He knows that Hyukjae's anger was justified and that the ring shouldn't have any effect on their relationship. But to Donghae, this ring is the only part of Hyukjae that he got to keep when he was alone. He spent nights just staring at it and wondering where its counterpart was. It had been a symbol to him, a symbol that represented the love of his life. With a heart full of disappointment that he cannot shake, Donghae sits alone, letting Hyukjae work in peace.
-
Hyukjae feels awful. He had stayed in his office until late at night and, when he finally emerged, he found Donghae asleep on the couch. They slept separately and Hyukjae woke and left early to avoid an an awkward conversation.
Now, Hyukjae is at work, hiding his guilt with a smile and discussing art with his customers. While his outer demeanor is convincingly cheery, his insides are a mess. His emotions are running wild and his stomach feels queasy.
Of course, Ryeowook notices. When there is a moment of silence after the ringing of a bell signals the exit of a customer, Ryeowook approaches Hyukjae slowly.
“You okay?” he asks.
At the brink of being pushed over the edge for the nth time, Hyukjae puts on the most convincing act of his life. “Yeah,” he says with a sigh. “Donghae just made really strong coffee this morning. It's making me anxious.”
Ryeowook, in his infinite kindness, pulls a bottle of water out of his bag and hands it to Hyukjae. “You'll be fine after you flush it out of your system,” he says with a smile before walking away to help a customer.
Hyukjae stares at the bottle of water. He wishes desperately that it could be a cure but his anxiety skyrockets as he holds it. The flood gates of his mind open and he begins to think of all of the things his mind had been avoiding. He doubts that his relationship with Donghae can work. If they fell apart so easily at the thought of a ring, how will they survive the future? He wonders if his mental roller coaster will ever end because he knows that the ups are not worth the downs that he will face. He knows that he had been recovering wonderfully before Donghae had returned and he suddenly thinks that being alone again would be more than tolerable.
Hyukjae quickly sets the bottle of water on the table. He takes a deep but shaky breath and exhales. After considering all of the possibilities in his mind, Hyukjae makes a decision. And then he grabs his keys.
-
Donghae has had a solemn morning. He wishes that he could have talked to Hyukjae before he left for work because now he feels very empty. He had eaten breakfast alone and showered with his head swirling with thoughts. He does not like this feeling and the worst part about it is that he knows there will be more to come. Today will not be the last day that he feels like this. If he stays with Hyukjae, if he continues to try and mend the broken love of his life, the empty feeling will come again.
Donghae ponders this until he hears a knock on the front door. His heart jumps. As he walks to answer it, he finds himself hoping that it is Hyukjae and that he had forgotten his keys or perhaps a good morning kiss. As soon as Donghae opens the door, he is greeted by an overhead swing from a blunt object that swiftly smashes against his head.
This portion of the story contains violence. Proceed to bold red text to skip it.
It knocks him down and distorts his senses. He feels pain and his hand instinctively flies to his head to soothe it. While he is attempting to calm the throbbing in his head, he feels a harsh kick to his back that has him screaming out in pain. He wants to react but his instincts are dull and his pain is great. As he is trying to crawl away, to escape, his hands are ripped from freedom and restrained behind his back with something tight as his stomach is pressed against the ground.
Donghae's mind is pushed back to the last time he was tied up and helpless and he begins to panic. He suddenly cannot breathe and his already-shattered ability to think diminishes even more.
“No,” he says. “No, no, no.”
“Shut up,” comes the voice of an angry young man. “Shut up, shut up, shut up.”
Donghae immediately does as he is told because he does not know what else he could possibly do. He is turned over and sees the face of his attacker. He has never seen this man before. Although he seems young, his face is scarred with emotion and torn skin. He wears his hair in a tired mohawk and his brown eyes seethe with fury. A baseball bat is held tightly in his hand.
“Who are you?” Donghae asks as he tugs at the unmoving restraints behind his back. “What do you want?”
“Excellent questions,” the man replies with a bitter smile. He sees Donghae struggling against the restraints and brings the baseball bat down hard on the side of Donghae's knee, causing him to scream again. “How noisy,” the man grumbles. He walks to the kitchen, takes a towel, and returns to Donghae. He bends down and stuffs the towel into Donghae's mouth so that he cannot scream.
Donghae is entirely scared and confused and desperately wishes that all of this is just a nightmare that he will soon wake up from. His head and leg are throbbing and he has a dreadful feeling that even more of him will be in pain before long.
“Who am I?” the man asks himself as if he is restating an interview question. He briefly looks at Donghae with disgust before the baseball bat is brought down on his ribs several times. Donghae screams against the gag in his mouth. “Hm. I guess there's no point in me lying, seeing as you won't be alive much longer and I'd like to see all of the painful realization on your face as I tell you the truth. You are the cause of my father's death. You may not have pulled the trigger with your own finger but you pointed the gun in his direction and, for that, you will die.”
Donghae is petrified with fear. This young man in front of him is the son of a criminal, of a man that Donghae had tracked down and had ultimately ended.
“Finding you wasn't the easiest thing in the world,” the man continued. “Although... your sudden appearance on the news made it a bit easier. The little whispers of a cop who came back from the dead... ah, priceless. It wasn't hard to put the rest of the puzzle pieces together from there. And by that, I mean the torturing of a few police officers for information went much more smoothly.”
Donghae lets out a scream of protest against the gag in his mouth and receives a kick to the stomach as a punishment. As he's shaking from the pain, he thinks of the fellow officers who had helped him and protected him. And then he thinks about Hyukjae. His terrified heart nearly explodes from his chest. He begins struggling wildly against the restraints on his arms but this action does not go unnoticed. The man is instantly irritated by Donghae's actions and he lands a swift kick to the side of Donghae's head, efficiently stunning him.
The man takes a breath to compose himself. “When I'm done with you,” he says coldly and pauses, “I'll make sure to take care of your boyfriend, too. And... hm, perhaps your mother while I'm at it?”
Donghae feels like he is going to break but still, he tries to loosen his bonds. Each time that he struggles, another kick or swing from a bat crushes his ability to move and think a little bit more. Soon, he sees a spatter of blood on the ground and he has no idea which part of him is bleeding. A baseball bat against the side of his head sufficiently clouds his hearing and brings a ringing sound to his ears. The man is talking again but Donghae only hears muffled threats. And then, as Donghae listens to vague words that sound like “kill” and “worthless,” he realizes that this is how he is going to die.
With blurry vision, Donghae watches the man standing above him raise the baseball bat high above his head. Surely, this will be the blow that crushes Donghae's skull. Surely, this will be the end.
A large crash has the man's head quickly turning. Donghae glances up just in time to see a metal crowbar making contact with the man's face. He drops the baseball bat as he falls to the ground. He is still moving, however, but this is solved by a quick kick to the head.
Violence portion ends here!
“Donghae,” the clear voice of Hyukjae says loudly and shakily. Hyukjae drops the crowbar with a clatter and kneels next to Donghae. His hands quiver over Donghae's form, afraid to touch his broken body. “I-I've already called the police,” he continues. “They're on the way. Just... hold on. Please hold on.”
There is a slight movement behind Hyukjae and Donghae attempts to warn Hyukjae. The only thing that comes out of his mouth is an incoherent noise. Luckily, it's just enough to have Hyukjae turning around in time to stop the man with the mohawk from grabbing his baseball bat again. Hyukjae grabs it instead. He then stands over the man menacingly.
“For every bone of his that's broken,” Hyukjae says with the voice of a man who is fractured and desperately wants to fracture someone else as well, “I'll break one of yours into a million pieces.”
That is the last thing Donghae hears before he loses consciousness.
-