Back Down to Earth.
I feel....broken...hurt...so many promises...dreams...all of them seem to be broken now...maybe it's just been the week I've been having but I just want to give up on pretty much everything...Losing my Grandfather has takin alot more out of me then I expected, and I don't know why...I knew it was coming...but knowing that he's actually gone...is scary. Heh, scary seems to be another theme of my week. Yesterday I woke up to my throat closing and my eyes swollen shut, ended up in the hospital which we all know I LOVE. They pumped me full with antihistamines(sp?) and gave me some weird eye drops which made the swelling and death like feeling to leave, then I sat in a room reading untill they came and told me "Well, we're not sure what triggerd it...so just be careful from now on" Wow! Thanks for that awesome information doctor! I'm so glad I know what happened! *rolls eyes* Things have been so stressful...I'm not sure how to deal with it all...I just want to be held and cry...but I can't do it....I've actually tried crying..and it just doesn't work. I feel like such a teenager right now haha...I'm making such a sterotypical LJ post.
Tomorrow's the funeral....I get to sit in that church I used to love so much...for another funeral...I get to be around all my family...who I don't want anything to do with.....I get to watch my grandfather get burried...just like my grandmother and my aunties before him...and then I get to deal with even more "are you okay, I'm worried about you, where are you, I understand what you feel"...Swell. I don't understand people....they confuse me, and hurt me...make me worry...I don't know why I put up with it....someone asked me last night, why I do it, why I stick by people...even if they don't deserve it...and I didn't have an answer...Should I bother anymore?...Bleh..I'm done...