Lyrics time... and also mindless rantings
*I wish that you were here
Down amongst the dust
I need someone to help me
You need someone to trust
There's something with these tears
Turning me to rust
I need someone to help me
Yeah I need someone to touch
Give me one more try
And I'll come flaking back to you
I wish that you were here
I wish that it was true
I can feel the stars shooting through my heart like rain
Leaving on the scars where the pleasure turns to pain
Point me in a light
Bright and shiny in right direction
And then take me home again*
So I'm sitting here on my computer, looking around my room. The cat sitting on my bed, looking at me. I think it's weird looking in his eyes, he looks like this is all there is. This is actually all there is for him. All there is to him is these four walls, this house. We are people he depends on for food, and shelter and life, but yet he looks so care free. If only everything was that simple. I remember when things were that simple for all of us.
Who here doesn't remember the feeling of everything being okay. Those beach days when you were little and it was all perfect. Your 5th birthday party when you had fist fulls of cake, and you got anything and everything your 5 year old little heart could want. All your friends around you were happy and giddy, and everything was okay. Parents never faught on that day, all your relatives got along. There was no bad, there was no wrong, there was nothing negative on that day.
Those times when it feels like it's getting really dark, those are the times I miss those care free days. It seems more and more those thoughts come flooding into my head. I miss those days. I miss that feeling.
I'm being overwhelmed with everything in my life now. It's like everything is riding on my shoulders. Sometimes I just feel like ignoring the alarm clock and sleeping through it all, then I remember exactly why I'm still trying. I think the only reason I still go to school is because my mom has worked her ass off for something she never got to do. I know that ever since I was a baby she's been looking forward to seeing me walk down to the stage and recieve my High school diploma. I know this, because she's told me. This just adds to the pressure. I'm not saying the only reason I even go to school is because of her, sometimes I enjoy school. Not like I used to though. High school used to be a blast, I'd give anything for grade 10 over again. But then it happens, high school really shows people's true colors. No longer was everyone friends with everyone.
*in scarlet nights I saw you
so cruelly you kissed me
your lips and magic world
your sky all hung with jewels
the killing moon
will come too soon
under blue moon I saw you
so soon you'll take me
up in your arms
too late to beg you
or cancel it though
I know it must be
the killing time
unwillingly mine*
I'm not sitting here telling myself that I hate my life and that everything sucks, and the world sucks and my life sucks, and you suck. Not at all, actually. I like my life. I have good friends inwhich I love them dearly. I have good times, and laugh. For the side of my family that I don't ignore, I love them very much. But sometimes it doesnt feel like enough. I feel like I'm missing out on something. Like I was in the bathroom when God was passing out the "things to do when you get that empty feeling" card. Oh well, I'll go on, I'll play pretend to all I dont really act myself around. I'll go on having my laughs with the people that I care about. They are few, but those are the ones that keep me going. I hope you know who you are to me, and I hope you know how worthy you make me feel.
I figure these almost-over-teen years are about finding myself. Some days I dont always like what I find, but those things are the reasons I keep going, I keep going to change them. The mistakes I've made while figuring it all out havent always been pretty, and sometimes I even through in the towel and give up, but those mistakes are what makes me. It isnt always perfect and it isn't always pretty. But I'm trying, and its hard. But its there. I'm all out on a limp now, its all out in open. I'm giving up on the mistakes and I refuse to make anymore. I'm trying.
Hmmm, so that was cool getting off my chest. That feeling of everything being on my shoulders is nagging at me, I think it's because I have a million and one things to do for almost every one of my subjects. My rough draft for my persuasive essay is due tomorrow so I must go start that. For those of you who actually hung around and read til the end of this mindless babble... god love ya', you're a doll. Goodnight to all, and good luck for all you lucky buggers that also have to do this stupid essay.
-Stay gold, Ponyboy
*All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me*
Down amongst the dust
I need someone to help me
You need someone to trust
There's something with these tears
Turning me to rust
I need someone to help me
Yeah I need someone to touch
Give me one more try
And I'll come flaking back to you
I wish that you were here
I wish that it was true
I can feel the stars shooting through my heart like rain
Leaving on the scars where the pleasure turns to pain
Point me in a light
Bright and shiny in right direction
And then take me home again*
So I'm sitting here on my computer, looking around my room. The cat sitting on my bed, looking at me. I think it's weird looking in his eyes, he looks like this is all there is. This is actually all there is for him. All there is to him is these four walls, this house. We are people he depends on for food, and shelter and life, but yet he looks so care free. If only everything was that simple. I remember when things were that simple for all of us.
Who here doesn't remember the feeling of everything being okay. Those beach days when you were little and it was all perfect. Your 5th birthday party when you had fist fulls of cake, and you got anything and everything your 5 year old little heart could want. All your friends around you were happy and giddy, and everything was okay. Parents never faught on that day, all your relatives got along. There was no bad, there was no wrong, there was nothing negative on that day.
Those times when it feels like it's getting really dark, those are the times I miss those care free days. It seems more and more those thoughts come flooding into my head. I miss those days. I miss that feeling.
I'm being overwhelmed with everything in my life now. It's like everything is riding on my shoulders. Sometimes I just feel like ignoring the alarm clock and sleeping through it all, then I remember exactly why I'm still trying. I think the only reason I still go to school is because my mom has worked her ass off for something she never got to do. I know that ever since I was a baby she's been looking forward to seeing me walk down to the stage and recieve my High school diploma. I know this, because she's told me. This just adds to the pressure. I'm not saying the only reason I even go to school is because of her, sometimes I enjoy school. Not like I used to though. High school used to be a blast, I'd give anything for grade 10 over again. But then it happens, high school really shows people's true colors. No longer was everyone friends with everyone.
*in scarlet nights I saw you
so cruelly you kissed me
your lips and magic world
your sky all hung with jewels
the killing moon
will come too soon
under blue moon I saw you
so soon you'll take me
up in your arms
too late to beg you
or cancel it though
I know it must be
the killing time
unwillingly mine*
I'm not sitting here telling myself that I hate my life and that everything sucks, and the world sucks and my life sucks, and you suck. Not at all, actually. I like my life. I have good friends inwhich I love them dearly. I have good times, and laugh. For the side of my family that I don't ignore, I love them very much. But sometimes it doesnt feel like enough. I feel like I'm missing out on something. Like I was in the bathroom when God was passing out the "things to do when you get that empty feeling" card. Oh well, I'll go on, I'll play pretend to all I dont really act myself around. I'll go on having my laughs with the people that I care about. They are few, but those are the ones that keep me going. I hope you know who you are to me, and I hope you know how worthy you make me feel.
I figure these almost-over-teen years are about finding myself. Some days I dont always like what I find, but those things are the reasons I keep going, I keep going to change them. The mistakes I've made while figuring it all out havent always been pretty, and sometimes I even through in the towel and give up, but those mistakes are what makes me. It isnt always perfect and it isn't always pretty. But I'm trying, and its hard. But its there. I'm all out on a limp now, its all out in open. I'm giving up on the mistakes and I refuse to make anymore. I'm trying.
Hmmm, so that was cool getting off my chest. That feeling of everything being on my shoulders is nagging at me, I think it's because I have a million and one things to do for almost every one of my subjects. My rough draft for my persuasive essay is due tomorrow so I must go start that. For those of you who actually hung around and read til the end of this mindless babble... god love ya', you're a doll. Goodnight to all, and good luck for all you lucky buggers that also have to do this stupid essay.
-Stay gold, Ponyboy
*All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me*