The Niji Legacy 3.4
Hi, pohtaytohs here! Last update, I let Akai and Scarlet explore their newfound teenage hormones by sending them downtown to gawk at all the sexy pixels. Within only a few simhours Akai was dating Shenene, but Scarlet...well, she wasn't so lucky. She got a creeper named Tyson who tried to take her to his sex dungeon of a basement. She tried again the next day, but Alice the matchmaker must have been pissed at me or something because she gave us an old man. A decent-looking old man with a southern drawl, but still an old man all the same. Maroon grew up into a really cute kid, but she was pretty much the spitting image of her father. -_- In better news, though, said father finally traded in his beer belly for a set of rock-hard abs. However, in absolutely terrible news, I was stupid during a chance card and got Kathleen fired from her job as a lawyer---when she was just one promotion away from being at the top of the career. =[ She was really depressed...until Kii cheered her up with some good ol' Niji carsex! While her grandma was filling the void her job used to fill through buying a ton of useless shit, Scarlet tried once again to find herself a man. Unfortunately, Alice the matchmaker gave her Tyler, who was kind of a douche. Finally she found a semi-keeper in Henry, Fanta and Genesis' bitchy and germaphobic manmaid. Kathleen began passing the time by writing novels, the first of which she titled "Fuck Lawyers". Orenji, in seemingly no time at all, reached his LTW somewhere along the line...yeah, it wasn't terribly memorable. Brick grew up into a sort of awkward teenager with a terrible makeover, while his more fortunate twin Strawberry grew up hot (and while giving Scarlet the ultimate burn, no less). When we last left off, Chris was giving him the facts of life!
See, I told you guys I'd give him a more fitting makeover!
Brick: Mmm... this sweatshirt smells like hemp... X3
Hey, quit it! >=[ Open your eyes and show us your pretty face!
Brick: Okay. =] ...It still smells like hemp, though.
Well, that's the last time I'm buying these kids organic clothing. Better make a mental note to keep any lighters away from Brick.
Brick: Hey, you know what'd be a fun addition to the party? A bonfire! =D
No.
Chris: ...And then the guy finishes after about two minutes and leaves the girl to lament the fact that she hadn't given it up to a real man. And that's how sex works! The end!
Strawberry: ... D=
Kathleen: What the hell do you think you're doing, taking away my grandson's innocence?! He just turned thirteen, for god's sake!
Chris: Well, what else do you want me to do? It's not like I can lie and say that it's magical or anything. At least, definitely not the first time...
Kathleen: But did you really have to explain it in such excruciating detail?
Chris: Well, how else is he gonna know where to stick his---
Maroon: *plays the piano as loud as possible so as to prevent any further scarring*
Chris: I mean, lord knows his father didn't...
Kathleen: Hey! I'll have you know that I did not raise a young man who did not understand the mechanics of intercourse! ...His crib used to be in the room Kii and I shared, after all.
Strawberry: Now that I've learned way more about my family than I ever wanted to, can I go to the bathroom and throw up a little now?
Akai: Ugh, will you guys all shut up?! I'm trying to watch Desperate Housewives over here!
But Akai, it's not like you ever got The Talk. I'm sure there's something you can take from this conversation.
Akai: Well, there isn't. I learned about sex from the internet, like a normal person!
...You found Kii's porn stash, didn't you.
Akai: I can never look at him the same way again... *sob*
Kii: *has ears like a hawk* Well, as long as Kathleen didn't find it that's all that matters. Say, son, how come you're not out there scarring Placenta for life?
Orenji: Too awkward. Didn't wanna. I mean, how am I supposed to explain that he and Brick came out of my ass instead of a chick's?
Kii: ...Babies don't come out of women's asses either, Orenji.
Orenji: o_o ...Oh. Uh, good night.
Kii: I have failed as a parent.
Wow, this family...Well, at least Scarlet's pretty normal with Henry. Although it is kind of weird that she's revealing her alter ego...
Scarlet: What alter ego?
Scarlet: ...Screw you.
(Lol, look at me, totally well-versed in the art of Photoshopping! This totally wasn't done in Microsoft Paint, nope...)
Time for these guys to try their luck with the laydeeeez!
Brick: How'd it go, man?
Strawberry: Let's just say that sex will probably never seem even the slightest bit appealing again.
Brick: That's rough, man. That's rough.
Strawberry: ...Why are you calling me "man"? You're my brother, you don't need to do that.
Brick: I can't help it, man. The hemp smell's gotten to be pretty overpowering...man.
Strawberry: ...Should you even be driving this car?
Probably not. Well, off you go!
Strawberry: But---
Off you go!
Strawberry: Sweet, look at all these kickass games!
You're supposed to be looking for girls, Strawberry... -_- Oh, hi, Craig!
Craig: Why do you keep bringing these terrible people here?! Why?!
'Cause it's funny and it pisses you off. XD
Craig: GRRRRRRRR...
Brick: Look at this sweet PSP I just bought, man! I can totally play sims on this!
Strawberry: Brick, that's nice and all, but I think we better get going. That creepy cashier keeps glaring at us...
Craig: >=[ YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. GET THE HELL OUT, FUCKERS.
Better run to the car, guys. O_O Next stop, the very place where Orenji met your father!
Hee, guess who got hair defaults! Lauren looked so cute with it I just had to give her a full-out makeover! >w<
Lauren the bartender: I feel sexy.
That feeling is not unfounded, my dear. ;]
Strawberry: Ooh, she is sexy!
Strawberry: Hey, babe, name's Strawberry. I got an A+ on my elementary school report card last week. That's right, I'm a pretty big deal.
Uh, yikes. You probably should've practiced a bit more before you hopped into that once, bud.
Lauren the bartender: I can tell; you're quite the cutie! ;D
Well, I'll be damned.
Strawberry: *gasp* I'm cute?!
*melts*
Lauren the bartender: Of course, silly! Your whole family's cute. I'd recognize that glorious ass of yours anywhere.
Huh, guess Strawberry takes after Akai in the romance department. Let's see how Brick's doing.
Brick: Hey, everybody listen up! Does anybody in this club, like, like to wear hemp clothing? ...Man?
Brick, I highly doubt you'll ever be able to find a girl that way---
Wow. These boys are better than I expected.
Meredith: Ooh! I wear hemp clothing! And I use hemp shampoo! It makes me smell hemptastic, man!
Brick: *sniiiiff* Ooh, you do smell hemptastic, man!
Meredith: Thanks, man!
These guys would make the perfect couple. -_-
Brick: Wow, I'm getting the munchies after all that hemp-smelling, man.
HOT DOGS?! =O Brick, I'm surprised at you! I thought you were a vegetarian!
Brick: Relax, man. They're tofu hot dogs.
Oh...
Strawberry: So, Lauren, I'm getting kinda hungry. Whaddya say to stepping outside and trying some of my brother's world famous tofu dogs with me?
Lauren the bartender: Oh, I'd love to, but I can't just leave the bar. I'd get fired. =[
Strawberry: Well, I guess I'll just have to give you this now, then. ;] *first smoochie*
Lauren the bartender: Ooh, you're a really good kisser! You actually remind me of a girl I used to know. Genesis, I think her name was. I wonder what ever happened to her... *reminiscient sigh*
Strawberry: O___O I'm getting Aunt Genesis' sloppy seconds?!
Heh, yeah. Some other stuff went on after the last spare update...
Lauren the bartender: So, could I get your number, you good kisser you?
Strawberry: Uh... I don't have a phone. Bye forever! *gets the hell out of there*
Lauren the bartender: =[
Back at home, Kathleen had wants for both of the boys to become overachievers, so I got them a job in the Oceanography career to get Brick a jumpstart on his LTW.
Brick: Hey, is this newspaper made out of hemp too, man?
Will you stop it with your hemp fixation already?!
Hey, somebody finally noticed the new ballet barre I added! =D Good for you, Orenji!
Orenji: Teehee, I'm a pretty ballerina!
Oh, if only I had some orange tutus in my downloads folder. The things I would do to with you, Orenji. The things I would do...
Oh, Kathleen's still writing novels, by the way. She just finished her second.
Kathleen: Phew, it's finally out of my hands. Now I just have to sit back and hope that Fuck Prostitutes does well.
Phone: *briiiiing*
Kathleen: Oh god, I'm so nervous! I hope it isn't bad news; I don't think I'd be able to take it...
Chris: Why are you just standing there? Is someone calling for you?
Kathleen: Yeah, it's the book people, but I'm freaking out. >.< Can you answer it for me and see how my book did?
Chris: Um, sure, I guess. *answers phone* Hi, Niji residence...She's not here; this is her daughter-in-law speaking...Uh huh, uh huh... I see, very good...
Kathleen: =D
Chris: Wait, what did you say the title of that book was again? Uh huh. I see. >=|
Kathleen: D= Crap, I should've thought that over better.
Chris: *hangs up* So, Kath, somebody just informed me that a certain book called Fuck Prostitutes has been doing extremely well and is on the way to becoming a best-seller. Fuck Prostitutes, Kathleen?! Seriously?!
Kathleen: Heh heh...? It's about some other prostitute, maybe?
Chris: Oh, shut up and stop lying. I swear, if you weren't old and frail and Orenji's mom I would beat your ass down right now! D=< *sigh* Anyway, they say your royalty check is coming in the mail next week and---
Kathleen: Hellllllll yeah! I'm rich, biatch! ;D
Chris: Must...contain urge...to pummel her like I pummeled Orenji back when we were kids...
But just to make sure she actually contained that urge, Chris invited over a cop Vivian!
And Vivian brought over Prof. Edward!
Prof. Edward: I still can't believe that they ignored my bribe...
Geez, you're still on this?
Strawberry: Ooh, is it Christmas already? Thanks for bringing the cutie over, Mom! ;D
Aha, I'm glad I saved her for later! (Plus, her beret is red! Hint hint...)
Orenji: I feel like somebody's watching me... =/
Whoa, it's Count Jeff! =O Long time no see, buddy! So what's the deal? You never come to their parties but it's a-okay to waltz in at midnight without an invitation?
Count Jeff: Well, to be honest, earlier I had a hard time identifying with any human besides my Sunset. But now that I've been one myself, I've realized that we're not so different. Now I just want to make up for lost time.
Aww, that's sweet, Jeff. =] Feel free to make yourself at home---
Count Jeff: Also, since none of my kids or Apricot's will comply, I needed to go hunting for more people to join our clan. Say, Orenji, is that new cologne I smell?
Orenji: Sure is! ^_^ Just put some on my face and neck! It's called "Super Manly Musk"!
No, it's that Whopper-scented shit you got from Burger King and you know it.
Count Jeff: Sounds wonderful. Mind if I take a sniff? Now, I have to warn you, I have a cold so I'll have to put my face right by your neck---
NOT TODAY, BUCKO.
Count Jeff: Alright, alright. I'll just find somebody else for my clan.
Count Jeff: Ooh, here's someone! You there, what's your name?
Prof. Edward: Um, Edward...? Why?
Count Jeff: O_______O Edward?! OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! I found my guy! This is the guy who's gonna join my clan!
Wait, what? What's so special about him?
Count Jeff: Just think: a real live (well, not really alive) vampire named Edward! =D It'll be like my and Sunset's sexplay fantasies coming to life!
Oh, lord...
Count Jeff: Hold still, my good chum! This will all be over soon!
Prof. Edward: Uh, no way in hell, dude.
Prof. Edward: Seriously, I mean it. You've got three seconds to get your fucking hands outta my face.
Prof. Edward: One...
Count Jeff: But---
Prof. Edward: Two...
Count Jeff: Aww, c'mon---
Prof. Edward: Three!
Count Jeff: Okay! Geez! I'm going, I'm going...
Chris: Aww, I'm sorry Ed treated you that way, Jeff. He can be kind of an ass sometimes.
Prof. Edward: Hey, but this time it was totally justified---
Chris: Need a hug?
Count Jeff: *sniffle* A hug would be nice.
Count Jeff: Hmm, maybe SHE can join my clan...
Go home.
Chris: Wait, come back, Jeff! She didn't mean it!
Hell yeah I did. >=|
Henry the manmaid: Mrs. Niji, I know it's late, but I've got something very important to say: I'm in love with your daughter!
Chris: So you brought her a plant? Well, look at you, Mr. Big Spender.
Henry the manmaid: D= B-but this came from the heart and---
Chris: Look, just get outta my way so I can chase after my sexy vampire brother-in-law!
Kathleen: Yum yum yum... Nothin' like good salmon!
Strawberry: Heyyy, Grandma!
Kathleen: Well hello there, Str--- *CHOKE*
Kathleen: Godammit, Strawberry! Go put some freaking clothes on!
Shut up, Kath! Can't you see that some of us here are trying to enjoy the ~view~? *drool*
Too bad he had to put his clothes back on to go to his first day of work. =[ Hey, who's that behind the wheel? Is that---
Aha, it's Brittany! I barely recognized you with the new defaults. Lookin' good, gurl. ;]
Brittany: I'm sexy and I know it.
Sure are! Just promise me you won't use that newfound sexiness to lure more little kids into your bus of doom, alright?
Brittany: Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle yeah!
That wasn't a promise. >=[
Chris: Attention, everyone! I just completed my---
Brittany: Everyday I'm shufflin'...?
Come on, that's not even from the same song!
Chris: Seriously, guys---
And it still wan't a promise!
Chris: *ahem* >=|
Oh, sorry. What was it you wanted to say?
Chris: Well, I was going to say that I just got promoted to a hall of famer, therefore completing my LTW. But I guess it's not important enough for you, so...
No, no, that's totally awesome!
And you brought home raemia's Cria Almassy! It's like a double victory right there!
Anyway, Chris' accomplishment reminded me to get started on Orenji's next LTW.
Orenji: I AM AN ARCHITECT.
Well, yeah, I kind of know that. After all, I'm the one who got you the job---
Orenji: No, but seriously! I'm an architect!
Okay...? I heard you the first time.
Orenji: Don't you realize what this means?! I can design buildings shaped like dicks! XD
...Really, Orenji? That's why you wanted this job? You're in your late forties; don't you think you're a little old for stuff like that?
Orenji: Oh, silly simgod. You can never be too old to have the desire to craft a phallic-themed structure!
Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you've already been beaten to it by the Washington Monument, bud.
Orenji: What?! When did this happen?!
Vivian the stylish cop: What's all this talk about the Washington Monument?
Strawberry: I'm not sure, babe, but I do know one thing: my little buddy may not be 555 feet tall, but it's close enough. ;]
A pickup line about the Washington Monument, Strawberry? Really? No, just no. Vivian, I am so sorry for this idiot's behavior. If you don't want to come back again we'll all understand---
WHAT?! How the hell does this keep happening?!
Strawberry: You really should stop underestimating me.
...Don't tell me you drugged her with the stash that Brick probably has.
Vivian the stylish cop: Nope, I'm perfectly sober! I just like a man who can make me laugh. XD
If by "man" you mean "overconfident thirteen-year-old", then I suppose you're right.
Vivian the stylish cop: Wait, thirteen?! Aw, crap, I'm almost old enough to be his mom...well, I suppose I better start acting like it. From now on, Strawberry, expect me to point out your grammatically incorrect sentences and nag you about your posture!
Strawberry: Great, thanks a lot. >.<
Ready for your first day of work, Orenji?
Orenji: Yup! Dick-shaped buildings, here I come...
*sigh*
Whoa, Kathleen has been working on her "Fuck" series for so long that's she's maxxed out Film/Literature and gone In The Zone. I'm not sure what that means, but...
...hey, she got a nifty plaque, so who cares?
Dang, everyone's just been so successful this update! Good job on becoming an overachiever, Brick!
Brick: Thanks, man.
Kii: Well, that's the last time I'm ever sharing a carpool with you. You stunk up the whole vehicle with your weed smell!
What's this I see? Is Kii actually about to scold his grandson and be a semi-responsible authority figure? =O
Kii: And, what's more, you didn't give any to me! >=[
Why do I even bother with having hope in him anymore?
Awww, no promotion for you, Strawberry?
Strawberry: Duh, of course not. I don't smell like hemp, so the boss doesn't like me as much.
Well, enough pot and dick jokes. It's time for Maroon's birthday!
Hee, she's lighting up like a little firefly. =3
Brick: Somebody's lighting up?! Where, man?!
Hey, I said no more pot jokes!
Maroon: How do I look?
O_O Okay, I know I'm not supposed to get attached to her because she's an Orenji clone, but she's actually really stunning. Maybe I'll get over it after her makeover.
Agh, nope. She's gorgeous. DX She's not even wearing any makeup, either.
Oh, but she is wearing red and green braces! =D Pretty much every generation in the Niji family will probably have a quota: at least one kid with freckles, at least one kid with glasses, and at least one kid with braces.
Maroon: Eww, I have cake stuck in them...
Don't worry; if your dad has kept his clean for all these years, you'll get the hang of yours. Anyway, stats time!
Maroon Niji
Popularity/Family
Become Hall of Famer
4 Neat
10 Outgoing
5 Active
7 Playful
3 Nice
Jewelry, Charismatic/ Brown Hair
And the SimBlender decided she was straight, so looks like there won't be any miracle same-sex babies this generation.
Well, now it's Maroon's turn to strut her stuff downtown! Since she's the only single child this generation, it actually feels kind of weird to only be playing as one sim on this trip.
Uggo: Please, no! I have a wife and kids! AGH! DX
Welcome to the world, Maroon. =D
Maroon: ...I wanna go home.
Wait, not so fast! I think I spy a cutie for you to talk to! ;D
Craig: Another one?! How many kids do they have?!
Maroon: Hey, he is pretty cute!
Good, now go get him! Let's just hope he gives you the time of day...
Grim: *grumble* I'm supposed to be on vacation right now...
You're welcome. *snicker*
Maroon: Ooh, he's really cute...
Hmmm, this may be more work than I thought. ._. Try not to make that face around him, honey.
Maroon: Hi, I'm Maroon Niji! What's your n---
Craig: Don't even talk to me. I know what you're up to.
Maroon: Huh? What are you talking ab---
Craig: No. Just walk away.
Maroon: Hey, you can't---
Craig: Just walk away.
Maroon: *sigh* Fine. Geez.
Count Mitch: Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhearing. What seems to be the trouble?
Maroon: I was just trying to strike up a conversation with this cashier dude but he won't even let me finish a measly sent---
Craig: Bitch, leave.
Count Mitch: Oh, Craig, Craig, Craig...that's no way to treat a lady!
Craig: But she's a ...*shudder* Niji!
Count Mitch: I am truly sorry for his behavior, miss.
Maroon: Oh, that's okay. Because of him, I got to talk to you. Mmm!
Oh, great, another vampire fan.
Craig: You see?! It's just like before! As soon as she caught sight of one of those ghouls, she took off and left me in the dust!
Hey, that might be true, but this time it was all you, buddy. Just like with Scarlet, too.
Craig: I don't need this! I'm goin' back to the register!
Maroon: So, would you like to go out for coffee sometime with me? =3
Count Mitch: Ohhh, no can do, miss! I'm sorry if you misunderstood my intentions earlier; I was just trying to be nice and teach that boy some manners. I'm actually gay.
Maroon: Oh... =[
simmericangirl's Curtis Payton: Lol, rejected.
Geez, why is everyone so rude today?
Count Mitch: I really am sorry, miss. Here, to make up for it I'll help you out.
Craig: Hey, you're that douche vampire from earlier! What are you doing back?
Count Mitch: I'm doing a favor for that lovely lady you struck down. Now shaddup, I'm trying to concentrate.
Craig: Wait a minute, what?! And get out from behind the counter! This area is for employees only!
Count Mitch: Hold still, dammit!
Craig: NEVER! Nobody tells Craig Ternynck what to do!
Ternynck? *snicker*
Craig: Shut up!
Craig: Oh. Guess he turned me into a vampire. Lolz.
Wow, I would think you'd be more angry about this, Craig.
Craig: Yeah, I guess so. But for some reason, I feel good. It's almost like becoming a disgusting monster has sucked all my anger away (no pun intended)! =D
Holy shit. You smiled. O_O
Craig: Like it? It's a new thing I've been thinking about trying. Funny, I never knew my mouth could actually turn up at the corners like this! I'd just thought it was a special trick everybody could do except for me!
Anyway, LJ said my post was too big again, blah blah blah. You know the drill. Just click here and move on with the update. Thanks!