still thinking about it
so i keep thinkin about what happened. i dunno how i feel about it. i mean, i see him, and its like ya, my friend allen, but i know its different now. i still cant figure out really whats goin on tho, i just pretend to know and go along w/ it. am i supposed to treat him like a friend? am i supposed to act like we're dating? do i want it that way?
im just really confused rite now. ive been tryin to weigh the pros and cons, but i dunno... i get distracted after the first few i can think of, and then some are more significant than others, so i dunno. like... the night he was here... god he did everything i would want a bf to do. it felt so good just to be in his arms, all night. his touch was perfect, his hugs... perfect. just the way i felt like he really wanted to be with me. but then its like... its allen... hes a year younger, he lives kinda far, and hes got that whole "im a scene kid" look kinda. its like we dont go together.
kissing him scared me to death, cuz i knew that was the point that things would change. i didnt want to lose a friend, but i knew this was something that'd been there for a long time. cuddling a little durin a movie, ok fine... even tho we'd never done that b4, it could still just be considered whatever and just friends. a kiss is definitely more. staying the night and making out for a while, definitely more.
but... nothing has been said. i dunno whats goin on in his head. all i get from him are his actions... lots of text msgs... hangin out more all of a sudden. he sent me a text that sounded so sad that he knew w/ haunt comin up we wouldnt get to hang out much, cuz now his time off is my time at work, so we're completely opposite schedules.
im just really confused rite now. ive been tryin to weigh the pros and cons, but i dunno... i get distracted after the first few i can think of, and then some are more significant than others, so i dunno. like... the night he was here... god he did everything i would want a bf to do. it felt so good just to be in his arms, all night. his touch was perfect, his hugs... perfect. just the way i felt like he really wanted to be with me. but then its like... its allen... hes a year younger, he lives kinda far, and hes got that whole "im a scene kid" look kinda. its like we dont go together.
kissing him scared me to death, cuz i knew that was the point that things would change. i didnt want to lose a friend, but i knew this was something that'd been there for a long time. cuddling a little durin a movie, ok fine... even tho we'd never done that b4, it could still just be considered whatever and just friends. a kiss is definitely more. staying the night and making out for a while, definitely more.
but... nothing has been said. i dunno whats goin on in his head. all i get from him are his actions... lots of text msgs... hangin out more all of a sudden. he sent me a text that sounded so sad that he knew w/ haunt comin up we wouldnt get to hang out much, cuz now his time off is my time at work, so we're completely opposite schedules.