(no subject)
its 3 oclock and i dont want to sleep. i want to, but my brain is popping, but my eyes keep shutting off visual input. some kids blew up a dumpster behind my complex. i called public safety to tell them about it. i'm not going to let any of that responsibility disperse so that no one calls... diffusal of responsibility...
i actually feel pretty on top of things. things with alyssa just 'are' and its pretty cool. i dont want to be a pest so i dont ask to make plans, she doesn't make plans, so we just go our own ways. is she worth making plans with? yes. so why dont i approach her about making some? i like a little bit of a chase sometimes. if it doesn't happen thats chill. sometimes if it does happen its chill.
i've been lacking thought lately. i'm coming to expect my natural reaction as being my best reaction. i always find myself able to logically explain things i just did, without thinking, right after i complete them. its cool
i'm finding myself attracted to megan (next door) again. its been a lightswitch the last few days which has me a little off guard. on off on off.
i'm not going into details but i'm led to believe that shes quite the touchy kinda person, which is good because i'm quite the touchy/feely kinda person too. it looks like it could be okay. and its peaceful when our eyes lock which is a perk x93419
oh, and everyone reading this. i want ZERO comments that are charged. if anything here makes you feel like talking about something privately, make it so.
or just talk to me IRL instead anyways. makes things more effective. this medium is kinda terrible for good digression
well
i just got scared shitless by a white/brown spider that just flew across my desk into my hand
i jumped back, hit the lights, grabbed a notebook and proceeded to scare the fuck out of the spider by catching it between a flying mass of paper and a wooden wall. it jumped, got caught by the paper and was then body slammed into the wood and pulverized. i'm sorry spider.
you scared the shit out of me. and i dont trust you in my room while i'm sleeping.
i dont quite remember what i was talking on so much just now.
i havn't been keeping up with anyone from montville besides megan because she drops me lines and we were a crew. meg chris keith jared and whoever else. seemed like a crew to me. i just walked in. it was kinda funny.
i'm sure if i was living in montville i'd just move right back into that group. i felt so at home there. finally found something that i felt solid in.
dont worry guys... if i make it i wont forget who the crews were.
the closest.
chris and megan. you guys are getting the hook up.
aaron, shit dude sometimes we dont even talk for ages.
its like we go on and off a few months just cause we're sooo different but when we're around we just chill. its good. last i remember you were pretty relaxed. hope its still the same
chad will get a check in the mail for a proportion of how important i think my life is. i wont forget his help even though its become really hard to keep up with him. has been since senior year was halfway over.
my cousin already gets enough from the tribe. fucking mohegans. lucky bastards. lol
sara will get a gift she'll hate.
doesn't matter what it is, its from me and thats just such bad connotation because i didn't understand how to communicate as 15 year old, or as a sixteen year old... or whenever she looked me in the face.
but she caused lot of changes for a lot of people, shes still doing it
its a sacrifice she makes for the betterment of others. i know other people who do this too without knowing it. those are the kinda people i attach to
guess i'm just in need of intensive care or something im' not too sure of. figure they've got the warmest arms and the widest eyes
korea will probably get a long letter sometime when i get older. i dont know what else i should do there. paying an ex girlfriend for 'being there' doesn't really constitute something too.. uh... legit.
i taught myself a lot about myself through her. i learned a lot about dealing with things as well that i need to remember more clearly. a lot of good lessons
i'll probably still be living with people from this building. everyone on the top floor juts gets along sooo good. i swear i've never gotten so many positive lifestyle/coexistance vibes i get in the suites.
rich will get to chill in the house i'm at. hes great emo-support. so is zach, but zach will be a billionaire in 5 years helping me to start my shit. hahah so i can't say he'll be chillin/crashing under my roof.
all i'm sayin is, its going to be good stuff. its just a matter of locating the people who, like alyssa was pointing out, make you think about the glass.
i'm around these people naturally. i dont have to search for them. i'm just coexisting in the same area. i get along with them. i dont have to think about what they think of me because they live with me. i'm going to be able to give them more than just a first impression and reinforcement of the impression. i am able to show them all the sides of me and the true side, the one around more often, is prevelent to negate the more radical aspects of that which are keiths patterns.
i'm not at the point where i'm quite willing to chase after someone for their time. i think maybe if i was in a serious relationship and a situation where time became limited arose then i'd work it out but time is all a matter of priority. you do what you do with it. its allocated to that which holds importance and thats how it should be. i dont spend too much time on homework cause its not important to me and i do it and get it done. i dont flirt with my math homework while i do the equations and think of new ways to do them. i just do it and put it away.
priority. my priority right now is to coexist. am i desperate? by definition of desparate and how fast i divebombed for alyssa, i would assume yes. by how i feel? eh. kinda. i'm a sexual human being. i need some attention. thats about as desperate as it gets though.
i got most of it today though. karma. give massage, get message.
Ryo, meg, rach and i just make a massage chain and it worked out good. i feel satisfied and ready for sleep. i think i'm going to brush my teeth and crash.
i actually feel pretty on top of things. things with alyssa just 'are' and its pretty cool. i dont want to be a pest so i dont ask to make plans, she doesn't make plans, so we just go our own ways. is she worth making plans with? yes. so why dont i approach her about making some? i like a little bit of a chase sometimes. if it doesn't happen thats chill. sometimes if it does happen its chill.
i've been lacking thought lately. i'm coming to expect my natural reaction as being my best reaction. i always find myself able to logically explain things i just did, without thinking, right after i complete them. its cool
i'm finding myself attracted to megan (next door) again. its been a lightswitch the last few days which has me a little off guard. on off on off.
i'm not going into details but i'm led to believe that shes quite the touchy kinda person, which is good because i'm quite the touchy/feely kinda person too. it looks like it could be okay. and its peaceful when our eyes lock which is a perk x93419
oh, and everyone reading this. i want ZERO comments that are charged. if anything here makes you feel like talking about something privately, make it so.
or just talk to me IRL instead anyways. makes things more effective. this medium is kinda terrible for good digression
well
i just got scared shitless by a white/brown spider that just flew across my desk into my hand
i jumped back, hit the lights, grabbed a notebook and proceeded to scare the fuck out of the spider by catching it between a flying mass of paper and a wooden wall. it jumped, got caught by the paper and was then body slammed into the wood and pulverized. i'm sorry spider.
you scared the shit out of me. and i dont trust you in my room while i'm sleeping.
i dont quite remember what i was talking on so much just now.
i havn't been keeping up with anyone from montville besides megan because she drops me lines and we were a crew. meg chris keith jared and whoever else. seemed like a crew to me. i just walked in. it was kinda funny.
i'm sure if i was living in montville i'd just move right back into that group. i felt so at home there. finally found something that i felt solid in.
dont worry guys... if i make it i wont forget who the crews were.
the closest.
chris and megan. you guys are getting the hook up.
aaron, shit dude sometimes we dont even talk for ages.
its like we go on and off a few months just cause we're sooo different but when we're around we just chill. its good. last i remember you were pretty relaxed. hope its still the same
chad will get a check in the mail for a proportion of how important i think my life is. i wont forget his help even though its become really hard to keep up with him. has been since senior year was halfway over.
my cousin already gets enough from the tribe. fucking mohegans. lucky bastards. lol
sara will get a gift she'll hate.
doesn't matter what it is, its from me and thats just such bad connotation because i didn't understand how to communicate as 15 year old, or as a sixteen year old... or whenever she looked me in the face.
but she caused lot of changes for a lot of people, shes still doing it
its a sacrifice she makes for the betterment of others. i know other people who do this too without knowing it. those are the kinda people i attach to
guess i'm just in need of intensive care or something im' not too sure of. figure they've got the warmest arms and the widest eyes
korea will probably get a long letter sometime when i get older. i dont know what else i should do there. paying an ex girlfriend for 'being there' doesn't really constitute something too.. uh... legit.
i taught myself a lot about myself through her. i learned a lot about dealing with things as well that i need to remember more clearly. a lot of good lessons
i'll probably still be living with people from this building. everyone on the top floor juts gets along sooo good. i swear i've never gotten so many positive lifestyle/coexistance vibes i get in the suites.
rich will get to chill in the house i'm at. hes great emo-support. so is zach, but zach will be a billionaire in 5 years helping me to start my shit. hahah so i can't say he'll be chillin/crashing under my roof.
all i'm sayin is, its going to be good stuff. its just a matter of locating the people who, like alyssa was pointing out, make you think about the glass.
i'm around these people naturally. i dont have to search for them. i'm just coexisting in the same area. i get along with them. i dont have to think about what they think of me because they live with me. i'm going to be able to give them more than just a first impression and reinforcement of the impression. i am able to show them all the sides of me and the true side, the one around more often, is prevelent to negate the more radical aspects of that which are keiths patterns.
i'm not at the point where i'm quite willing to chase after someone for their time. i think maybe if i was in a serious relationship and a situation where time became limited arose then i'd work it out but time is all a matter of priority. you do what you do with it. its allocated to that which holds importance and thats how it should be. i dont spend too much time on homework cause its not important to me and i do it and get it done. i dont flirt with my math homework while i do the equations and think of new ways to do them. i just do it and put it away.
priority. my priority right now is to coexist. am i desperate? by definition of desparate and how fast i divebombed for alyssa, i would assume yes. by how i feel? eh. kinda. i'm a sexual human being. i need some attention. thats about as desperate as it gets though.
i got most of it today though. karma. give massage, get message.
Ryo, meg, rach and i just make a massage chain and it worked out good. i feel satisfied and ready for sleep. i think i'm going to brush my teeth and crash.