(no subject)
Ive dealt with pain before, but everytime i come across it again, i wonder how will i ever heal. I know its possible but i just want it to happen already instead of me having to sit around and just wait. The past few weeks have been the hardest, most painful ones i've had in a long time. Ive been down this road before but it still feels new. Life is crazy and i know its like that for everyone but i wish it would just stop picking on me for awhile and let me be happy for more than 4 months at a time. Whenever i get back up from my previous fall i seem to trip and end up worse than before. Im tired of it and im done. from now on there will be no more falling for me. I cant take the pain anymore and I hope that the next time i see it coming i can walk away before its too late. Though i know i wont and i hate that. i can never learn a lesson or there is always a new one. Ugh im through with this. i cant believe ive kept this going for so long. Unfortunately im someone who has to learn from her mistakes and i think ive made enough of them for a while. Luckily i think im starting to finally shake things off and get back to normal or at least as much of normal as things will allow right now. certain people have been like poison to me and others are a pure god send. I wish life was easy and pain didnt exist. Who knows what would happen then. life as we know it wouldnt exist. but who knows maybe it would be boring. sometimes i wonder why such crazy things happen and why i cant take a break from it all. i just need a long vacation away from everything. time to myself. i might feel better. i have so much stress latley and theres always something new at every corner now. I get new information every minute and some im not even supposed to know. I just hope they can come to me and tell me. because keeping me in the dark hurts more than anything. i dont know what to do anymore except try to pick up the pieces and move on. I just hope i dont get cut on any of them. My heart has been broken enough and im through with it. i need tougher skin. hopefully that will develop soon because i need to learn to not be so nice. So who knows maybe its a different Ali from now on. a better one. One can only hope