remix reveals!
Remix reveals were today!
I wrote one story for Remix proper, Terminal Ballistics (The .45 Calibre Remix) for unforgott3n. The story hinged on one particular line in their story Nickel Content, wherein Erik says he's shit with bullets. The author's note further expounded that Erik seems to have a mental block with bullets, seeing as how the only two places we see him faced with one are when his mother is shot and when he deflects the bullet into Charles' spine.
I liked that concept a lot and it gave me a lot to play with, but it took me a long time to turn it from an idea into a story. Once I actually sat down and wrote it, I did the whole thing in a couple hours, but that was with about a week of moaning and groaning. It's a little different than the sort of stuff I normally write and I think I kept looking for something in it that wasn't there and wasn't going to be there. I did a lot of sighing to littledust on chat because, while I wrote most of it in about two hours, I then spent another two hours writing the last five or six lines, constantly saying things to her like, "Is it done now?" and bemoaning the fact that the last section couldn't just be "PTSD PTSD PTSD PTSD PTSD." But! Overall, I've grown steadily more pleased with it since it was posted and my recipient seemed to really like it, which is the point of all of this!
(My recipient was also the only one to guess that I wrote it, so...points! I'm not at all surprised that no one else guessed it, given that I don't think I've ever written Erik completely on his own before and it turns out it's a well-known fact that I am a Charles girl XD But a lot of people were barred from guessing because the people I normally chat with, work with, eat waffles with, and write overly long emotional emails to already knew who I was writing for and what I was writing.)
I also write two Remix Madness ficlets that were basically as un-anon as they could possibly be, but I didn't care. I wrote them both for friends and expressly because I enjoy the things my friends write, I enjoy their take on the characters and the stories they tell and I wanted to both give them something and have a chance to play with their versions of these dudes.
push on into that mystery (the better to have fallen remix) was for littledust, a remix of her fic How it Falls. I told her on chat that she wouldn't have to go any further from the title to guess mine because, like the title of the original, it comes from a Dar Williams lyric and, in case you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with Dar Williams and spend a lot of time having feelings about her music at littledust. The original fic also started as a conversation between the two of us when we were in New York and passed the ice rink in Bryant Park, so...basically my fingers were all over this.
This one was another one-sitting story. Easy to write, fun to write, and gave me all the feelings about how much affection I have for those assholes, how much affection they have for each other, and how they're omg so in love. There are a few things in it that intentionally mirror the original fic, but the biggest theme that I pulled out of it is not knowing. Even though they've cleared the first hurdle and allowed themselves to have this, Charles still doesn't know what to do with it now that its his and Erik still doesn't entirely understand what it is. It's one of my favorite themes with these two, the idea that neither of them understand this type of love, but they're determined to work it out as they go.
could i have been blinder? (the friendship is thicker than blood remix) was for pearl_o, based on two of her stories, Without His Wings and The Company You Keep. pearl_o is the recipient of an embarrassing amount of obnoxiously long emails about Charles Xavier and his feelings, so if the Weepies title didn't give it away, I'm sure Charles' fevered thoughts about friendship and what he wants from Erik would have done so. And if THAT hadn't done it, I belatedly realized that she had never publicly posted those two stories as having been in the same universe, that it was a fact she had shared in email or an LJ comment or something like that. So. Whoops.
I love the idea that Charles has never had friends and that he's desperate for Erik to like him, for he and Erik to have this thing that he thinks of as so perfect and noble. I think this Charles is a lot fucked up about sex and is terrified of getting that mess anywhere near Erik. I really, really wanted to write this story, but I almost wrote something else entirely (an overview of of Charles and Erik's life together running the school as told through 4th of July celebrations--I have two scenes of it) because I wasn't entirely sure how to do it. My brain wasn't working quite right--it hasn't been for a while, honestly--and I couldn't get the words to parse what I wanted to say. I tried starting it three different ways and then found my footing on Sunday afternoon, right before I was about to leave for dinner and a show, and was afraid I wouldn't finish in time. Chronic insomnia and major depression to the rescue!
This, again, plays back into the "neither of them really know what they're doing" theme. Charles doesn't even realize he's in love and once he does he panics. He wants Erik, but for once in his life, the amount he cares for someone is outweighing his selfishness. He wants, above all, for Erik to be happy and for Erik to like him and he's willing to deny himself if it means that Erik won't be hurt (which is what he inevitably thinks will happen if they were to sleep together).
Overall, the story came together in a way that pleases me, even if it took a long time to get there. (Also, I want a million more stories where Erik goes out and hooks up with people and Charles is miserable and jealous.)
SO THAT WAS A LOT MORE THAN I THOUGHT I HAD TO SAY. Sorry for all the naval-gazing, but it's my journal and I do what I want. And apparently "what I want" is to have a lot of feelings about Charles and Erik. I know, you're all so surprised.
I wrote one story for Remix proper, Terminal Ballistics (The .45 Calibre Remix) for unforgott3n. The story hinged on one particular line in their story Nickel Content, wherein Erik says he's shit with bullets. The author's note further expounded that Erik seems to have a mental block with bullets, seeing as how the only two places we see him faced with one are when his mother is shot and when he deflects the bullet into Charles' spine.
I liked that concept a lot and it gave me a lot to play with, but it took me a long time to turn it from an idea into a story. Once I actually sat down and wrote it, I did the whole thing in a couple hours, but that was with about a week of moaning and groaning. It's a little different than the sort of stuff I normally write and I think I kept looking for something in it that wasn't there and wasn't going to be there. I did a lot of sighing to littledust on chat because, while I wrote most of it in about two hours, I then spent another two hours writing the last five or six lines, constantly saying things to her like, "Is it done now?" and bemoaning the fact that the last section couldn't just be "PTSD PTSD PTSD PTSD PTSD." But! Overall, I've grown steadily more pleased with it since it was posted and my recipient seemed to really like it, which is the point of all of this!
(My recipient was also the only one to guess that I wrote it, so...points! I'm not at all surprised that no one else guessed it, given that I don't think I've ever written Erik completely on his own before and it turns out it's a well-known fact that I am a Charles girl XD But a lot of people were barred from guessing because the people I normally chat with, work with, eat waffles with, and write overly long emotional emails to already knew who I was writing for and what I was writing.)
I also write two Remix Madness ficlets that were basically as un-anon as they could possibly be, but I didn't care. I wrote them both for friends and expressly because I enjoy the things my friends write, I enjoy their take on the characters and the stories they tell and I wanted to both give them something and have a chance to play with their versions of these dudes.
push on into that mystery (the better to have fallen remix) was for littledust, a remix of her fic How it Falls. I told her on chat that she wouldn't have to go any further from the title to guess mine because, like the title of the original, it comes from a Dar Williams lyric and, in case you haven't noticed, I'm obsessed with Dar Williams and spend a lot of time having feelings about her music at littledust. The original fic also started as a conversation between the two of us when we were in New York and passed the ice rink in Bryant Park, so...basically my fingers were all over this.
This one was another one-sitting story. Easy to write, fun to write, and gave me all the feelings about how much affection I have for those assholes, how much affection they have for each other, and how they're omg so in love. There are a few things in it that intentionally mirror the original fic, but the biggest theme that I pulled out of it is not knowing. Even though they've cleared the first hurdle and allowed themselves to have this, Charles still doesn't know what to do with it now that its his and Erik still doesn't entirely understand what it is. It's one of my favorite themes with these two, the idea that neither of them understand this type of love, but they're determined to work it out as they go.
could i have been blinder? (the friendship is thicker than blood remix) was for pearl_o, based on two of her stories, Without His Wings and The Company You Keep. pearl_o is the recipient of an embarrassing amount of obnoxiously long emails about Charles Xavier and his feelings, so if the Weepies title didn't give it away, I'm sure Charles' fevered thoughts about friendship and what he wants from Erik would have done so. And if THAT hadn't done it, I belatedly realized that she had never publicly posted those two stories as having been in the same universe, that it was a fact she had shared in email or an LJ comment or something like that. So. Whoops.
I love the idea that Charles has never had friends and that he's desperate for Erik to like him, for he and Erik to have this thing that he thinks of as so perfect and noble. I think this Charles is a lot fucked up about sex and is terrified of getting that mess anywhere near Erik. I really, really wanted to write this story, but I almost wrote something else entirely (an overview of of Charles and Erik's life together running the school as told through 4th of July celebrations--I have two scenes of it) because I wasn't entirely sure how to do it. My brain wasn't working quite right--it hasn't been for a while, honestly--and I couldn't get the words to parse what I wanted to say. I tried starting it three different ways and then found my footing on Sunday afternoon, right before I was about to leave for dinner and a show, and was afraid I wouldn't finish in time. Chronic insomnia and major depression to the rescue!
This, again, plays back into the "neither of them really know what they're doing" theme. Charles doesn't even realize he's in love and once he does he panics. He wants Erik, but for once in his life, the amount he cares for someone is outweighing his selfishness. He wants, above all, for Erik to be happy and for Erik to like him and he's willing to deny himself if it means that Erik won't be hurt (which is what he inevitably thinks will happen if they were to sleep together).
Overall, the story came together in a way that pleases me, even if it took a long time to get there. (Also, I want a million more stories where Erik goes out and hooks up with people and Charles is miserable and jealous.)
SO THAT WAS A LOT MORE THAN I THOUGHT I HAD TO SAY. Sorry for all the naval-gazing, but it's my journal and I do what I want. And apparently "what I want" is to have a lot of feelings about Charles and Erik. I know, you're all so surprised.