i don't mean to sound emo. lol
soooooooo... i keep on thinking i'm over my ex..keep on BELIEVING, tricking my mind into thinking that i'm over him. I should just stop spending time with him and seeing him. If he doesn't want to be a part of his sons life thats his fault! i shouldn't torture myself, and keep on setting back my emotions on something that doesn't exist. That perfect ending between us is never going to happen. This has been the most difficult thing for me ever. I my whole entire life. Because in every break up there's never been a child involved. And this is the first time i've been in love with someone. I gave him every part of me. My soul.. almost 3 years of my life. And i keep on saying to myself..well..not saying. but thinking like..
"its not over til' i say its over..." but.. it is over.
but i wanted to end it damnit. if it was going to end...
my soul was head over heels for this douchebag....
and i keep on putting myself in these situations where i KNOW that i'm going to get hurt... but its like...i'm expecting something else from them???
why the FUCK...do i do this..why do i hurt myself for this guy when there's plenty other men out there??
because all these men aren't him.. i guess..
i feel like a drug addict. you know what they say "they won't do anything until they've hit rock bottom" where is my rock bottom?? i need to see this rock bottom so i can move on successfully and get over him and be able to look at him and not be attracted to him or want him in my life.
i think this "only friends" bullshit can't work for me unless i have another man in my life...since him and i are both single its tinkering with my heartstrings and i don't want it to..
i need to distance myself...file for child support properly.. and stop all communication with him...
but i love his personality sooo much..and his eyes are so amazing..........
but he doesn't love me anymore... he barely cares for his son......... well...really he's never been around for his son... meh
i need to start working out regularly and eating healthy.
maybe the endorphins from the work out will help bring up my mental morale.
i hate that i overthink things in my mind and get obsessed with them until i feel like its life or death...
man livejournal. you're like a psychiatrist that doesn't talk back...well...not really.
its been almost a year since he broke my heart. .
a whole year....
why can't there be a man to prove all my stigmas wrong?
a cute well mannored man who treats me like a princess and spoils me with attention.........
one day...