moving
I have the weirdest feeling in my stomach right now. i have never moved in my whole life let alone moved away from my family and i am sooo nervous. Granted last summer i practically lived in orange county it was different because i always had my mom and dogs and family to come home to when i felt partied out or just worn out emotionally. However now i have no safe haven because that is my home now, sure i could always come home but the comfort that i found in the familiarty with my room and furniture and smell of blankets and sheets are no longer going to be the same because my room is different and now i am different. I know it sounds bizarre but i feel more home sick sitting in this empty room than i know i will sitting in my new apartment come the end of this week. I need to use this move to move not only on from my parents shelter but to leave behind all my past failures and successes wether it be in the means of friendships (that needed to be ended long ago), speech, ex boyfriends who still plague your mind like its their job, as well as just bad habits. I need to improve my quality of character a little this summer because part of me doesnt like the person that i have let myself be. I sit and watch situations in my own life unfold and i know perfectly well that i am getting trampled on or cheated out of memories that pave the way to a happy future and i simply dont care because i am too lazy to deal with new pain because i have learned to equip myself with tools to fight the old pain so easily. I need to take the next step up in life and it needs to be a step made for me and not for anyone else...what that step is i have no idea... all i know is that i am missing something in my life and it better damn well not be a MAN because if mr. right swoops in and solves the equation or problem then i am gonna be pissed off ...mostly because once again it was a man who was the source of all my problems...HOW ORIGINAL!