Hot Chocolate for Now
I still have yet to come to a definite conclusion about the situation I have brought myself into. However, I seem to have found a calmness in my head about it. A place where I can compartamentalize what is going on in order to focus on other things. It still is probably not fair to either of them. It is the most painful for Mark of course. But the calmness, the rest, the state of mind I have entered into is refreshing after the craziness of the previous week. I can actually enjoy the person I am with. No matter which one. At first it looks selfish, but really this is the way it has to be for me right now. Instead of leaning one way or another every few hours, it is coming forth in every other day or so. Although this is hard and definitely a defining moment, at the very least my emotions have settled to an extent, in a way that is finally letting me focus.
On another note. I will not say this is the same situation as before because this time there has been so much more to the relationship than the last. The circumstances under which it has happened have changed. However, when he called eight months later I did go back. And for seven of those I was miserable. No I did not just wait. I was sure that was it, I tried to move on. It never happened. But it did get to a point where I could accept the fact I would always love him and be okay with the fact that I couldn't be with him. This time the tables have turned. I am sure he hurts more than I did for we have been so much more involved. He does not want to move on and that is perfectly fine considering the situation. However, a week or two is not enough time for me. He needed eight months to call me the first time. I am not saying that is what this will be. I am not saying I am making him wait for that reason. I am making him wait so as not to make rash decisions. Perhaps he will always be waiting, perhaps he won't. And if the last case proves true he may be waiting longer or shorter than I did before. But I did go back after eight.
On another note. I will not say this is the same situation as before because this time there has been so much more to the relationship than the last. The circumstances under which it has happened have changed. However, when he called eight months later I did go back. And for seven of those I was miserable. No I did not just wait. I was sure that was it, I tried to move on. It never happened. But it did get to a point where I could accept the fact I would always love him and be okay with the fact that I couldn't be with him. This time the tables have turned. I am sure he hurts more than I did for we have been so much more involved. He does not want to move on and that is perfectly fine considering the situation. However, a week or two is not enough time for me. He needed eight months to call me the first time. I am not saying that is what this will be. I am not saying I am making him wait for that reason. I am making him wait so as not to make rash decisions. Perhaps he will always be waiting, perhaps he won't. And if the last case proves true he may be waiting longer or shorter than I did before. But I did go back after eight.