winter quarter: dumb wh.re getting boned riding unicycles down lakeshore
longer quotes
notables:
-condensed soup. 2009.02.02
-moose and elephants. 2009.03.09
jc: "i am not a fish. not a fish. not a fish." 2009.03.18
nb: "now we know that ebit is operating income..." 2009.03.17
or: *blinks* "it doesn't help that that's the third time i've done that today." 2009.03.17
or: "wow, you really are crazy right now. ...and now you're laughing just to laugh." 2009.03.17
sl: "NOOOOOO! what did i even sayyy?" 2009.03.16
sl: "i am not conservative." 2009.03.16
jl: "i'm not going to suck your d.ck when you slept in my kitchen for two weeks." 2009.03.16
mc: "so this one time i was in the library and someone asked me in korean what year i was; and i panicked and couldn't form a response, so i just went, *holds up two fingers* and it was a double whammy from that and being asian and in the reg going, *holds up two fingers again in stereotypical asian picture pose*" 2009.03.16
sb: "i thought you had headphones on. god damn it. don't judge me." 2009.03.16
dy: "bawls & m!xxed nutz." 2009.03.16
jc: "the book just fucked up." 2009.03.16
dd: "sorry for my reaction earlier. you look really good. my default reaction is just to be like, 'what the fuck?'" 2009.03.15
ss: "cause they wear these fluffy skirts, and you're like, 'you're 27. stop.'" 2009.03.13
ss: "my mom told me i was fat. i sent her pictures from the party we threw, and she was like, 'you really need to start running.'" 2009.03.14
pk: "i love giving you hugs because you're always so awkward about it." 2009.03.12
ml: "so i turned the corner with my nerf bow and totally scared these two chicks looking for books in the b levels." 2009.03.12
sc: "i'm pretty sure that [SAT scores] was a big part of my teen angst. and it still resurfaces to this day." 2009.03.12
sb: "dude. danielle thought her mom was speaking taiwanese for years. turns out it was HAKKA!!!" 2009.03.12
or: "i was speaking english to my guys... i mean, so i was teaching english... 'cause clearly i can do that. speak english." 2009.03.11
kl: "ive already started drinking...the hell" 2009.03.11
dy: "will you still be friends with us tomorrow?" 2009.03.10
dy: "she's afraid that i'm going to get the family blacklisted if i go back [to china]." 2009.03.10
dy: "let's eat it [the noisy baby]." 2009.03.09
xx: "i could totally molest you right now." 2009.03.09
sl: "silly sam. blueberries are for stella." 2009.03.08
sl: "it's from the movie we're going to go see. it's from the hannah montana movie." 2009.03.08
sc: "it's supposed to be 70+ every day until thursday, my birthday...and then it becomes 58. so, clearly, i know what baby jesus thinks of me." 2009.03.07
ddy: "happy picture time! ...no, seriously, happy picture time." 2009.03.07
jg: "you girls can say what you want, but you're the perfect pair for going and preying on boys." 2009.03.07
sn: "i don't like those alfalfa sprouts because they're just grass, and i don't eat grass." 2009.03.06
dy: "i've been peeing all over the place." 2009.03.06
kp: "wait, this boy sounds like a good toy. i want to play with him, too!" 2009.03.06
sl: "these are moose. and these are elephants." 2009.03.04
sl: "get up and turn around." 2009.03.04
cl: "i mean macs are so shiny but somtimes i forget to blink. that's a problem." 2009.03.04
xx: "i mean, if you did [have an ass], i'd pay attention it. it's like... it's like how xx has huge boobs, and i can't stop staring at them." 2009.03.04
sl: "i dance...vulgarly." 2009.03.03
sl: "sex fruit?" 2009.03.02
dy: "i'm done with nuts for the day." 2009.03.02
dy: "it's okay. you have structure now." 2009.03.02
dd: "it was like... you know that episode of family guy where he doesn't have bones?" 2009.03.02
dy: "i hate it when you can't see it and you're just feeling around but can't get it in the right hole." 2009.03.02
sb: "it was awesome until the olympics, and then the white people came." 2009.03.02
or: "i'm going to be pretty and twenty forever. ...i'm never turning thirty." 2009.03.01
jpc: "and i'm like, 'please, control your vanity...'" 2009.03.01
jg: "never have i ever gotten a piggyback ride... from me." 2009.02.28
hz: "but what if you get kidnapped by a canadian bear? i can just see it glomping on you. glomp, glomp, glomp. glomp, glomp, glomp... *drifts off sleepily" 2009.02.27
hz: "i wonder if dollhouse is on tonight. it sounds like a bad porn movie BUT.IT'S.NOT..." 2009.02.27
hz: "i'm off it now, but it's ridiculous how little effect it now has on me." 2009.02.27
hz: "shove it inside. that's what he said! ...wait. ..." 2009.02.27
sl: "i'm really good at sweatshop work." 2009.02.27
aj: "i dunno, he can probably tell her in bed tonight." 2009.02.26
aj: "we need to talk about your severance package." 2009.02.26
dy: "once you go over about seventy degrees, that's when your butt starts sweating, and that's just unprofessional. i've always wondered how businessmen operate in the tropics. it's just... unprofessional." 2009.02.26
sl: "i thought very little of you in the beginning." 2009.02.23
jl: "so i realized that i have pronunciation problems one day when my cousin made fun of me after i said, 'fro the bots.'" 2009.02.22
dd: "yeah, i do... but then i went to china and they all made fun of me for saying '白飯’." 2009.02.21
lt: "just because you blow on it doesn't mean it will shrink back." 2009.02.20
hz: "but my head is really big... okay, i give up." 2009.02.20
lt: "toby, those were not your pecs." 2009.02.20
cf: "do you think the balloon guy is hot? 'cause i think he is. the balloons." 2009.02.20
hz: "don't throw your shirt at him." 2009.02.20
dy: "they ate like birds. stella and i ate like pigs." 2009.02.20
cl: "other people call them human imperfections, but it really is just a euphemism for how messed up we are." 2009.02.18
cl: "in my mind, everyone loves me." 2009.02.18
sb: "dude. i love china." 2009.02.17
sc: "dude, please be my sugar daddy." 2009.02.16
sc: "regret > rejection, so i'm gonna go for it. i'm probably gonna end up in a cardboard box rationing off parts of my soul for ramen. but whatever." 2009.02.16
sc: "these days, i'm over the party scene and emotionless hook-ups. i hate being a mature individual who knows what she wants." 2009.02.15
sl: "wait, does that make sense? do you 'suck at blowing' or 'blow at blowing' or 'blow at sucking' or 'suck at sucking' or...?" 2009.02.14
dy: "do you want more?" 2009.02.14
dy: "no, no, we can do this. just stop laughing." 2009.02.14
sl: "dude, you need to blow harder; i'm not getting anything." 2009.02.14
ft: "your voice is cool. it's like... tic tac chill." 2009.02.14
hz: "life's vices: people drink, i play tetris." 2009.02.13
xx: "i'm listening to jesse mccartneyDON'TJUDGEMEE!" 2009.02.13
oh: "i couldn't date ben." 2009.02.13
sm: "so... you don't think that [creationists] deserve to be shot on sight?" 2009.02.12
sa: "well, what else can you do with building shots aside from phallic suggestions?" 2009.02.12
sm: "i wish i had ocd. then i would have an excuse to justify my ocd tendencies." 2009.02.12
or: "any other boy would be happy to have sex with me in the stacks." 2009.02.12
ra: "did she just call you 'short one'? ...isn't she shorter than you?" 2009.02.11
jl: "i hate that motherf-cker!" 2009.02.10
tl: "it'd make me so happy i might be a better person! i'd be walking down the street and i'd be like, 'yes i do have a dollar for you, sir.' 'yes, i do have time to save the whales.'" 2009.02.08
tl: "when i get arrested for trying to steal the desk at the oval office... with the president still sitting at it... and the pope mobile as my getaway vehicle, i would like you to get me off AND let me keep the pope mobile." 2009.02.08
tl: "cheeky bastard just wouldn't die. i paid god off for that earthquake... what a waste of money." 2009.02.08
ta: "and i'd be like, 'it's about 75 degrees here, and i'm sitting under the palm trees at the instituto... how is everything in chicago? i heard it's -25 degrees with wind chill.'" 2009.02.08
tl: "well, you know what you could've been doing instead of being in dirty beijing? DOING LAYOUT. we made beijing dirty just to spite you." 2009.02.08
tl: "tyler made a your mom joke once when i was on the phone with my mom..." 2009.02.08
tl: "if you kill both of them, that's wasteful, tyler! you kill one to stop them from talking, and you retain the other one for her utility." 2009.02.08
terry's fortune cookie: "you are a man of righteousness and integrity" 2009.02.08
tl: "tyler got a promotion once every issue last year, and look where he is now!" (we look over, and tyler's playing guitar hero) 2009.02.08
sl: "olivia promised me a booty call... but then she has steve, so i don't think i'm going to get it." *sad voice. 2009.02.07
or: "i should just call you 'stitch' from now on... and people will be like, 'aww, that's so cute!' ...but they'll have no idea." 2009.02.06
jc: "HELLS FUCKING YEAH! door: ZERO; j. chou: one." 2009.02.06
ss: "i got mistaken for a whore in argentina!" 2009.02.04
or: "no, fuck you, you whore, i'm not going to shower with you after you go and spend the night with another woman! just cause i said i'm open to a threesome with stella doesn't mean i'm ok with you sleeping around. that hurts. DOES OUR RELATIONSHIP MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!?!" 2009.02.03
ft: "hmm. i've never kissed a girl before... *grabs olivia" 2009.02.01
jc: "and now i have a text from you that just says, 'girl on girl porn.'" 2009.02.01
ml: "i'm wearing my j. crew shirts." 2009.01.30
xx: "you should send in jay's stuff to passiveaggressivenotes.com." 2009.01.30
al: "umm... this is like an orgasm." 2009.01.30 (playing taboo)
al: "WHAT i dressed like a ho!" 2009.01.30
sl: "you look...not like you. i like." 2009.01.30
or: "i've decided on my new life goal... instead of sitting around, i'd like to be audrey hepburn. she's very pretty. and she's... pretty. clearly, i'm not superficial." 2009.01.29
lt: "and it always happens where you're like, 'that's such a stupid song; why are people obsessed with it?' ...and then three weeks later, you're like, *exaggerated dancing motions* '♪~i kissed a girl, and i liked it~♪'" 2009.01.28
or: "sometimes on the weekends i'm just like, 'i just want to eat everything.'" 2009.01.27
ml: "shit, i totally forgot i was supposed to get a 4.0 gpa. and all these other kids didn't... and now they're getting all the jobs, and i'm just like, 'fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.' " 2009.01.27
jg: "i think duanduan should be the designated blower, and she should just blow for everyone." 2009.01.26
dy: "you're a cute drunk. your ass was hanging out." 2009.01.26
ec: "YAY i'm not the dick anymore!" 2009.01.23
sl: "don't straddle me; i'm not going to pay you!" 2009.01.22
or: "maybe i'm pressing too hard. that's what she said." 2009.01.20
sl: "this is NOT foreplay." 2009.01.19
lt: "WHAAAAAT? she puts in the emergen-c, and through the bubbles out comes BOLLYWOOD." 2009.01.19
jc: "we've been having pot for a while." 2009.01.19
dy: "i do like money, but usually it comes with a d-ck." 2009.01.19
sl: "i just got a KNEE dance..." 2009.01.19
wo: "oh, it was a white guy? those guys are weird..." 2009.01.18
sl: "this is, like, better than an orgasm!" 2009.01.17
ta: "maldito cabrón!" 2009.01.15
my: "waldo, you smell like strawberries." 2009.01.14
sl: "okay. let's try this again. would you like to accompany me to ratner to shower in separate stalls?" 2009.01.14
sl: "do you wanna shower with me?" 2009.01.14
gu: "i love you jenny. don't go anywhere i can't follow. please." 2009.01.14
gu: "haha and our bitching isn't a good indicator, since we tend to bitch about everything" 2009.01.14
hz: "better that than dead." 2009.01.12
sl: "well, i had to qualify--ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME?!" 2009.01.12
sl: "dumb whore. we're not sucking and blowing yet." 2009.01.10
wo: "i'm taking off. and... hopefully i don't come back drunk." 2009.01.09
jk: "and they're always like, 'ohh, we can't send this... there are sanctions that have to be passed.'" 2009.01.04
or: "ugh. fine. sex money." 2009.01.02
or: "some part of me is still innocent." 2008.12.28
--------------------------------------
sl: why is there SO MUCH beer?
jg: it was on sale.
2009.03.18
dd: next year it'll be even better because we'll all be twenty-one and can get drunk with all the irish people.
sb: oh yeah, busting out that o'berkowitz heritage.
2009.03.14
ec: yeah, like columbia recruited him.
jc: really? why didn't he go?
ec: he really likes his mom.
2009.03.14
jc: hehe so study party [on the condition that it entail guitar study breaks]. when/where?
lt: always and everywhere2009.03.14
hz: and then they de-skinned the body, and...
jc: wait, by "de-skinned" do you mean skinned?
hz: oh. ...yeah.
2009.03.12
or: 'cause i soften my ts, like in latin.
jc: wait, m-o-u-n-t-a-i-n.
or: huh?
jc: m-o-u-n-t-a-i-n
or: momentum?
2009.03.11
jc: what's that? oh, a bottle opener?
sb: nods* fraaaaaaaaaaat!
2009.03.09
xx: think about what it is that i just understood.
xx: oral sex is good.
2009.03.09
ra: i get rejected all the time.
kp: yeah, well at least you try.
ra: no, i don't. i get rejected, and i don't even try. it's like a double whammy.
2009.03.06
xx makes supremely unattractive coughing noise*
jc: that's attractive.
xx: isn't it, though? good thing i'm not trying to sex you up.
2009.03.06
jc: whoaaa, that's HUGE.
dy: i totally thought you were talking about someone's ass.
2009.03.04
ml: were all the people in china fobby?
ll: well, yeah, like-
cm: they're not even on the boat yet!
2009.03.04
jpc: did you know that in south carolina, it's legal to shoot trespassers?
jc: does it really surprise you that you're allowed to shoot people in the south?
2009.03.01
sl: wet. moist. dripping.
jc cringes*
sl: i'm just describing what you have.
jg: ...it sounds like you're describing chlamydia. seriously. "dripping"?
2009.02.28
jc: i feel like you would just laugh through a Saw movie.
xx: dude, Saw movies are really funny. but yeah, there's this part in the hills have eyes where in the beginning these two doctors come out and get hacked to pieces, and everyone's like, "AAAAAHHHH!!" and i'm just like, "HAHAHAHAHAHA d'you see that? HAHAHAHAHAHA." and then--AND THEN LATER there's this one scene where they tie this guy to a tree and burn him alive, and i just started cracking up while everyone else is like, "ewwww...."
--a few minutes later--
xx: ...and it's like this gridded laser... like graph paper, you know? and then it just chops the guy into little cubes. i think cubing people is really funny!
2009.02.27
jc: FUCKING HELL does your offer from china to sew that button back on my coat still stand? does it apply if another one just fell off?
sl: hahaha i guess?
jc: thank you, mommyy. =)
sl: hahaha no probs, little one.
2009.02.26
hz: you're not wearing ho beads!
pe: that makes me... not want to wear these anymore.
2009.02.20
or: hi, i'm xx.
sb: you look familiar. i think i met you in the ER.
2009.02.17
sl: how much is 20 inches?
sb: wait, let me see...
2009.02.17
ck: ♪~you're one in a million once in a lifetime~♪
jc: sorry, calvin, friends can still dock points.
2009.02.14
sl: okay, who's sucking and who's blowing?
ml: funny thing is, around the world there are probably millions of people having this conversation right now.
sl: yeah, but... we're four girls.
2009.02.14
xx: can we film a porno after that and put it on youtube?
xx: only if i can lie there like a dead fish..........
xx: that's the only way i like it. all about riding you baby and sort of necrophilic fetishism of course.
2009.02.14
jc: haha olivia takes it all the time.
hz: that's because olivia's drunk all the time.
2009.02.13
ka: no, but i know the person who got it.
jc: who was it?
ka: some girl named xx.
jc: oh, really? *happy tone that probably came across as surprise
ka: why does everybody respond like that?
jc: because we all know her and are happy for her.
ka: ...are we talking about the same person?
--a few hours later, relating the story to or--
jc: yeah, and she was like, "someone named xx," and i was like, "oh, really?" and she was like, "why does everyone respond like that?" and i was like, "because we all know her and are happy for her."
or: wait, am i thinking of the right girl?
2009.02.11
ra: is this the movie about a drug mule? *holding up dvd case
kr: what? (it was kinda loud, so she didn't hear)
ra: is she a drug mule? *points to cover
kr: ??
ra: does she traffic drugs?
kr: what?
ra: 'maria'... is she a drug mule?
kr: ...that's my roommate...
2009.02.07
sl: totally bought this with a white button-up shirt. totally looked like a schoolgirl.
ddy: well, one always needs two such outfits.
2009.02.07
e?: except they're cigarettes from indiana, so he has two instead of just one.
jg: wait, cigarettes are buy one get one free in indiana?
2009.02.01
al: wait, this is NOT the way out...
bx: no, that's the closet. try the door with LOCKS on it.
2009.01.30
wo: you look dead.
kr: waldo! you never say that to someone.
wo: really? but i've said and heard that before...
kr: you don't say that to a girl.
-couple of hours later-
lt: you look dead.
wo: SEE?
jc: but she's talking to a boy.
cl: you said that to a girl? no, you neverr say that to a girl.
jc: it's okay, waldo... han's not a girl. it doesn't matter.
ml: dude, han's not a girl. i'll say whatever i want to her.
2009.01.28
ddy: you can put metal in the microwave as long as it's away from the sides.
sl: UH, but aluminum foil you can't ever put in there.
ddy: no, as long as it's--
*microwave sparks
2009.01.26
jc: so i was typing... *gets distracted by gchat, types response back.
or: uh huh...?
jc: oh. yeah. sorry. so i was typing, and it included the word "where"--
or: OH, i thought you were demonstrating typing, and i was like, "i'm not that slow. i know what typing is."
2009.01.25
sl: ...stupid psychotic bitch.
jc: hey, moving up!
sl: no, you're not. that's not better.
jc: yes, it is.
sl: whores get paid. they fulfill a societal need. and they make money.
2009.01.22
xx: wtf?
xx: what? you should be used to that. i like how you didn't flinch.
xx: 'cause i wasn't expecting it!
xx: well, you should have been! physical contact there is normal for you.
2009.01.22
jc: someone needs to SLAP ME upside the head
gu: yea.. i want to
2009.01.14
jc: wait, what's that?
cl: oh. the score.
lr: *nod + eyebrow raise. the score.
("the score" is a pink hello kitty note pasted on the fridge. top half: christine & lea, with seven tallies. bottom: everyone else, zero)
cl: there's also a lea vs. the oven score.
(lea: five; oven: two)
2009.01.08
sl: that'd make for another awkward conversation.
jc: make sure it fits him.
sl: how?
jc: ...look at it [the shirt]?
sl: i don't remember how big he is!
jc: don't you?
or: you know, out of context, this conversation is really interesting. just putting that out there.
2009.01.07
sl: haha, too bad. it's over.
jc: ...was that vietnamese, or was it just bad english?
sl: ...what? i said it was over.
jc: ...*picks up ginger ale can* are we talking about the same thing?
sl: yeah. it's over!
2009.01.06
notables:
-condensed soup. 2009.02.02
-moose and elephants. 2009.03.09
jc: "i am not a fish. not a fish. not a fish." 2009.03.18
nb: "now we know that ebit is operating income..." 2009.03.17
or: *blinks* "it doesn't help that that's the third time i've done that today." 2009.03.17
or: "wow, you really are crazy right now. ...and now you're laughing just to laugh." 2009.03.17
sl: "NOOOOOO! what did i even sayyy?" 2009.03.16
sl: "i am not conservative." 2009.03.16
jl: "i'm not going to suck your d.ck when you slept in my kitchen for two weeks." 2009.03.16
mc: "so this one time i was in the library and someone asked me in korean what year i was; and i panicked and couldn't form a response, so i just went, *holds up two fingers* and it was a double whammy from that and being asian and in the reg going, *holds up two fingers again in stereotypical asian picture pose*" 2009.03.16
sb: "i thought you had headphones on. god damn it. don't judge me." 2009.03.16
dy: "bawls & m!xxed nutz." 2009.03.16
jc: "the book just fucked up." 2009.03.16
dd: "sorry for my reaction earlier. you look really good. my default reaction is just to be like, 'what the fuck?'" 2009.03.15
ss: "cause they wear these fluffy skirts, and you're like, 'you're 27. stop.'" 2009.03.13
ss: "my mom told me i was fat. i sent her pictures from the party we threw, and she was like, 'you really need to start running.'" 2009.03.14
pk: "i love giving you hugs because you're always so awkward about it." 2009.03.12
ml: "so i turned the corner with my nerf bow and totally scared these two chicks looking for books in the b levels." 2009.03.12
sc: "i'm pretty sure that [SAT scores] was a big part of my teen angst. and it still resurfaces to this day." 2009.03.12
sb: "dude. danielle thought her mom was speaking taiwanese for years. turns out it was HAKKA!!!" 2009.03.12
or: "i was speaking english to my guys... i mean, so i was teaching english... 'cause clearly i can do that. speak english." 2009.03.11
kl: "ive already started drinking...the hell" 2009.03.11
dy: "will you still be friends with us tomorrow?" 2009.03.10
dy: "she's afraid that i'm going to get the family blacklisted if i go back [to china]." 2009.03.10
dy: "let's eat it [the noisy baby]." 2009.03.09
xx: "i could totally molest you right now." 2009.03.09
sl: "silly sam. blueberries are for stella." 2009.03.08
sl: "it's from the movie we're going to go see. it's from the hannah montana movie." 2009.03.08
sc: "it's supposed to be 70+ every day until thursday, my birthday...and then it becomes 58. so, clearly, i know what baby jesus thinks of me." 2009.03.07
ddy: "happy picture time! ...no, seriously, happy picture time." 2009.03.07
jg: "you girls can say what you want, but you're the perfect pair for going and preying on boys." 2009.03.07
sn: "i don't like those alfalfa sprouts because they're just grass, and i don't eat grass." 2009.03.06
dy: "i've been peeing all over the place." 2009.03.06
kp: "wait, this boy sounds like a good toy. i want to play with him, too!" 2009.03.06
sl: "these are moose. and these are elephants." 2009.03.04
sl: "get up and turn around." 2009.03.04
cl: "i mean macs are so shiny but somtimes i forget to blink. that's a problem." 2009.03.04
xx: "i mean, if you did [have an ass], i'd pay attention it. it's like... it's like how xx has huge boobs, and i can't stop staring at them." 2009.03.04
sl: "i dance...vulgarly." 2009.03.03
sl: "sex fruit?" 2009.03.02
dy: "i'm done with nuts for the day." 2009.03.02
dy: "it's okay. you have structure now." 2009.03.02
dd: "it was like... you know that episode of family guy where he doesn't have bones?" 2009.03.02
dy: "i hate it when you can't see it and you're just feeling around but can't get it in the right hole." 2009.03.02
sb: "it was awesome until the olympics, and then the white people came." 2009.03.02
or: "i'm going to be pretty and twenty forever. ...i'm never turning thirty." 2009.03.01
jpc: "and i'm like, 'please, control your vanity...'" 2009.03.01
jg: "never have i ever gotten a piggyback ride... from me." 2009.02.28
hz: "but what if you get kidnapped by a canadian bear? i can just see it glomping on you. glomp, glomp, glomp. glomp, glomp, glomp... *drifts off sleepily" 2009.02.27
hz: "i wonder if dollhouse is on tonight. it sounds like a bad porn movie BUT.IT'S.NOT..." 2009.02.27
hz: "i'm off it now, but it's ridiculous how little effect it now has on me." 2009.02.27
hz: "shove it inside. that's what he said! ...wait. ..." 2009.02.27
sl: "i'm really good at sweatshop work." 2009.02.27
aj: "i dunno, he can probably tell her in bed tonight." 2009.02.26
aj: "we need to talk about your severance package." 2009.02.26
dy: "once you go over about seventy degrees, that's when your butt starts sweating, and that's just unprofessional. i've always wondered how businessmen operate in the tropics. it's just... unprofessional." 2009.02.26
sl: "i thought very little of you in the beginning." 2009.02.23
jl: "so i realized that i have pronunciation problems one day when my cousin made fun of me after i said, 'fro the bots.'" 2009.02.22
dd: "yeah, i do... but then i went to china and they all made fun of me for saying '白飯’." 2009.02.21
lt: "just because you blow on it doesn't mean it will shrink back." 2009.02.20
hz: "but my head is really big... okay, i give up." 2009.02.20
lt: "toby, those were not your pecs." 2009.02.20
cf: "do you think the balloon guy is hot? 'cause i think he is. the balloons." 2009.02.20
hz: "don't throw your shirt at him." 2009.02.20
dy: "they ate like birds. stella and i ate like pigs." 2009.02.20
cl: "other people call them human imperfections, but it really is just a euphemism for how messed up we are." 2009.02.18
cl: "in my mind, everyone loves me." 2009.02.18
sb: "dude. i love china." 2009.02.17
sc: "dude, please be my sugar daddy." 2009.02.16
sc: "regret > rejection, so i'm gonna go for it. i'm probably gonna end up in a cardboard box rationing off parts of my soul for ramen. but whatever." 2009.02.16
sc: "these days, i'm over the party scene and emotionless hook-ups. i hate being a mature individual who knows what she wants." 2009.02.15
sl: "wait, does that make sense? do you 'suck at blowing' or 'blow at blowing' or 'blow at sucking' or 'suck at sucking' or...?" 2009.02.14
dy: "do you want more?" 2009.02.14
dy: "no, no, we can do this. just stop laughing." 2009.02.14
sl: "dude, you need to blow harder; i'm not getting anything." 2009.02.14
ft: "your voice is cool. it's like... tic tac chill." 2009.02.14
hz: "life's vices: people drink, i play tetris." 2009.02.13
xx: "i'm listening to jesse mccartneyDON'TJUDGEMEE!" 2009.02.13
oh: "i couldn't date ben." 2009.02.13
sm: "so... you don't think that [creationists] deserve to be shot on sight?" 2009.02.12
sa: "well, what else can you do with building shots aside from phallic suggestions?" 2009.02.12
sm: "i wish i had ocd. then i would have an excuse to justify my ocd tendencies." 2009.02.12
or: "any other boy would be happy to have sex with me in the stacks." 2009.02.12
ra: "did she just call you 'short one'? ...isn't she shorter than you?" 2009.02.11
jl: "i hate that motherf-cker!" 2009.02.10
tl: "it'd make me so happy i might be a better person! i'd be walking down the street and i'd be like, 'yes i do have a dollar for you, sir.' 'yes, i do have time to save the whales.'" 2009.02.08
tl: "when i get arrested for trying to steal the desk at the oval office... with the president still sitting at it... and the pope mobile as my getaway vehicle, i would like you to get me off AND let me keep the pope mobile." 2009.02.08
tl: "cheeky bastard just wouldn't die. i paid god off for that earthquake... what a waste of money." 2009.02.08
ta: "and i'd be like, 'it's about 75 degrees here, and i'm sitting under the palm trees at the instituto... how is everything in chicago? i heard it's -25 degrees with wind chill.'" 2009.02.08
tl: "well, you know what you could've been doing instead of being in dirty beijing? DOING LAYOUT. we made beijing dirty just to spite you." 2009.02.08
tl: "tyler made a your mom joke once when i was on the phone with my mom..." 2009.02.08
tl: "if you kill both of them, that's wasteful, tyler! you kill one to stop them from talking, and you retain the other one for her utility." 2009.02.08
terry's fortune cookie: "you are a man of righteousness and integrity" 2009.02.08
tl: "tyler got a promotion once every issue last year, and look where he is now!" (we look over, and tyler's playing guitar hero) 2009.02.08
sl: "olivia promised me a booty call... but then she has steve, so i don't think i'm going to get it." *sad voice. 2009.02.07
or: "i should just call you 'stitch' from now on... and people will be like, 'aww, that's so cute!' ...but they'll have no idea." 2009.02.06
jc: "HELLS FUCKING YEAH! door: ZERO; j. chou: one." 2009.02.06
ss: "i got mistaken for a whore in argentina!" 2009.02.04
or: "no, fuck you, you whore, i'm not going to shower with you after you go and spend the night with another woman! just cause i said i'm open to a threesome with stella doesn't mean i'm ok with you sleeping around. that hurts. DOES OUR RELATIONSHIP MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!?!" 2009.02.03
ft: "hmm. i've never kissed a girl before... *grabs olivia" 2009.02.01
jc: "and now i have a text from you that just says, 'girl on girl porn.'" 2009.02.01
ml: "i'm wearing my j. crew shirts." 2009.01.30
xx: "you should send in jay's stuff to passiveaggressivenotes.com." 2009.01.30
al: "umm... this is like an orgasm." 2009.01.30 (playing taboo)
al: "WHAT i dressed like a ho!" 2009.01.30
sl: "you look...not like you. i like." 2009.01.30
or: "i've decided on my new life goal... instead of sitting around, i'd like to be audrey hepburn. she's very pretty. and she's... pretty. clearly, i'm not superficial." 2009.01.29
lt: "and it always happens where you're like, 'that's such a stupid song; why are people obsessed with it?' ...and then three weeks later, you're like, *exaggerated dancing motions* '♪~i kissed a girl, and i liked it~♪'" 2009.01.28
or: "sometimes on the weekends i'm just like, 'i just want to eat everything.'" 2009.01.27
ml: "shit, i totally forgot i was supposed to get a 4.0 gpa. and all these other kids didn't... and now they're getting all the jobs, and i'm just like, 'fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.' " 2009.01.27
jg: "i think duanduan should be the designated blower, and she should just blow for everyone." 2009.01.26
dy: "you're a cute drunk. your ass was hanging out." 2009.01.26
ec: "YAY i'm not the dick anymore!" 2009.01.23
sl: "don't straddle me; i'm not going to pay you!" 2009.01.22
or: "maybe i'm pressing too hard. that's what she said." 2009.01.20
sl: "this is NOT foreplay." 2009.01.19
lt: "WHAAAAAT? she puts in the emergen-c, and through the bubbles out comes BOLLYWOOD." 2009.01.19
jc: "we've been having pot for a while." 2009.01.19
dy: "i do like money, but usually it comes with a d-ck." 2009.01.19
sl: "i just got a KNEE dance..." 2009.01.19
wo: "oh, it was a white guy? those guys are weird..." 2009.01.18
sl: "this is, like, better than an orgasm!" 2009.01.17
ta: "maldito cabrón!" 2009.01.15
my: "waldo, you smell like strawberries." 2009.01.14
sl: "okay. let's try this again. would you like to accompany me to ratner to shower in separate stalls?" 2009.01.14
sl: "do you wanna shower with me?" 2009.01.14
gu: "i love you jenny. don't go anywhere i can't follow. please." 2009.01.14
gu: "haha and our bitching isn't a good indicator, since we tend to bitch about everything" 2009.01.14
hz: "better that than dead." 2009.01.12
sl: "well, i had to qualify--ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME?!" 2009.01.12
sl: "dumb whore. we're not sucking and blowing yet." 2009.01.10
wo: "i'm taking off. and... hopefully i don't come back drunk." 2009.01.09
jk: "and they're always like, 'ohh, we can't send this... there are sanctions that have to be passed.'" 2009.01.04
or: "ugh. fine. sex money." 2009.01.02
or: "some part of me is still innocent." 2008.12.28
--------------------------------------
sl: why is there SO MUCH beer?
jg: it was on sale.
2009.03.18
dd: next year it'll be even better because we'll all be twenty-one and can get drunk with all the irish people.
sb: oh yeah, busting out that o'berkowitz heritage.
2009.03.14
ec: yeah, like columbia recruited him.
jc: really? why didn't he go?
ec: he really likes his mom.
2009.03.14
jc: hehe so study party [on the condition that it entail guitar study breaks]. when/where?
lt: always and everywhere2009.03.14
hz: and then they de-skinned the body, and...
jc: wait, by "de-skinned" do you mean skinned?
hz: oh. ...yeah.
2009.03.12
or: 'cause i soften my ts, like in latin.
jc: wait, m-o-u-n-t-a-i-n.
or: huh?
jc: m-o-u-n-t-a-i-n
or: momentum?
2009.03.11
jc: what's that? oh, a bottle opener?
sb: nods* fraaaaaaaaaaat!
2009.03.09
xx: think about what it is that i just understood.
xx: oral sex is good.
2009.03.09
ra: i get rejected all the time.
kp: yeah, well at least you try.
ra: no, i don't. i get rejected, and i don't even try. it's like a double whammy.
2009.03.06
xx makes supremely unattractive coughing noise*
jc: that's attractive.
xx: isn't it, though? good thing i'm not trying to sex you up.
2009.03.06
jc: whoaaa, that's HUGE.
dy: i totally thought you were talking about someone's ass.
2009.03.04
ml: were all the people in china fobby?
ll: well, yeah, like-
cm: they're not even on the boat yet!
2009.03.04
jpc: did you know that in south carolina, it's legal to shoot trespassers?
jc: does it really surprise you that you're allowed to shoot people in the south?
2009.03.01
sl: wet. moist. dripping.
jc cringes*
sl: i'm just describing what you have.
jg: ...it sounds like you're describing chlamydia. seriously. "dripping"?
2009.02.28
jc: i feel like you would just laugh through a Saw movie.
xx: dude, Saw movies are really funny. but yeah, there's this part in the hills have eyes where in the beginning these two doctors come out and get hacked to pieces, and everyone's like, "AAAAAHHHH!!" and i'm just like, "HAHAHAHAHAHA d'you see that? HAHAHAHAHAHA." and then--AND THEN LATER there's this one scene where they tie this guy to a tree and burn him alive, and i just started cracking up while everyone else is like, "ewwww...."
--a few minutes later--
xx: ...and it's like this gridded laser... like graph paper, you know? and then it just chops the guy into little cubes. i think cubing people is really funny!
2009.02.27
jc: FUCKING HELL does your offer from china to sew that button back on my coat still stand? does it apply if another one just fell off?
sl: hahaha i guess?
jc: thank you, mommyy. =)
sl: hahaha no probs, little one.
2009.02.26
hz: you're not wearing ho beads!
pe: that makes me... not want to wear these anymore.
2009.02.20
or: hi, i'm xx.
sb: you look familiar. i think i met you in the ER.
2009.02.17
sl: how much is 20 inches?
sb: wait, let me see...
2009.02.17
ck: ♪~you're one in a million once in a lifetime~♪
jc: sorry, calvin, friends can still dock points.
2009.02.14
sl: okay, who's sucking and who's blowing?
ml: funny thing is, around the world there are probably millions of people having this conversation right now.
sl: yeah, but... we're four girls.
2009.02.14
xx: can we film a porno after that and put it on youtube?
xx: only if i can lie there like a dead fish..........
xx: that's the only way i like it. all about riding you baby and sort of necrophilic fetishism of course.
2009.02.14
jc: haha olivia takes it all the time.
hz: that's because olivia's drunk all the time.
2009.02.13
ka: no, but i know the person who got it.
jc: who was it?
ka: some girl named xx.
jc: oh, really? *happy tone that probably came across as surprise
ka: why does everybody respond like that?
jc: because we all know her and are happy for her.
ka: ...are we talking about the same person?
--a few hours later, relating the story to or--
jc: yeah, and she was like, "someone named xx," and i was like, "oh, really?" and she was like, "why does everyone respond like that?" and i was like, "because we all know her and are happy for her."
or: wait, am i thinking of the right girl?
2009.02.11
ra: is this the movie about a drug mule? *holding up dvd case
kr: what? (it was kinda loud, so she didn't hear)
ra: is she a drug mule? *points to cover
kr: ??
ra: does she traffic drugs?
kr: what?
ra: 'maria'... is she a drug mule?
kr: ...that's my roommate...
2009.02.07
sl: totally bought this with a white button-up shirt. totally looked like a schoolgirl.
ddy: well, one always needs two such outfits.
2009.02.07
e?: except they're cigarettes from indiana, so he has two instead of just one.
jg: wait, cigarettes are buy one get one free in indiana?
2009.02.01
al: wait, this is NOT the way out...
bx: no, that's the closet. try the door with LOCKS on it.
2009.01.30
wo: you look dead.
kr: waldo! you never say that to someone.
wo: really? but i've said and heard that before...
kr: you don't say that to a girl.
-couple of hours later-
lt: you look dead.
wo: SEE?
jc: but she's talking to a boy.
cl: you said that to a girl? no, you neverr say that to a girl.
jc: it's okay, waldo... han's not a girl. it doesn't matter.
ml: dude, han's not a girl. i'll say whatever i want to her.
2009.01.28
ddy: you can put metal in the microwave as long as it's away from the sides.
sl: UH, but aluminum foil you can't ever put in there.
ddy: no, as long as it's--
*microwave sparks
2009.01.26
jc: so i was typing... *gets distracted by gchat, types response back.
or: uh huh...?
jc: oh. yeah. sorry. so i was typing, and it included the word "where"--
or: OH, i thought you were demonstrating typing, and i was like, "i'm not that slow. i know what typing is."
2009.01.25
sl: ...stupid psychotic bitch.
jc: hey, moving up!
sl: no, you're not. that's not better.
jc: yes, it is.
sl: whores get paid. they fulfill a societal need. and they make money.
2009.01.22
xx: wtf?
xx: what? you should be used to that. i like how you didn't flinch.
xx: 'cause i wasn't expecting it!
xx: well, you should have been! physical contact there is normal for you.
2009.01.22
jc: someone needs to SLAP ME upside the head
gu: yea.. i want to
2009.01.14
jc: wait, what's that?
cl: oh. the score.
lr: *nod + eyebrow raise. the score.
("the score" is a pink hello kitty note pasted on the fridge. top half: christine & lea, with seven tallies. bottom: everyone else, zero)
cl: there's also a lea vs. the oven score.
(lea: five; oven: two)
2009.01.08
sl: that'd make for another awkward conversation.
jc: make sure it fits him.
sl: how?
jc: ...look at it [the shirt]?
sl: i don't remember how big he is!
jc: don't you?
or: you know, out of context, this conversation is really interesting. just putting that out there.
2009.01.07
sl: haha, too bad. it's over.
jc: ...was that vietnamese, or was it just bad english?
sl: ...what? i said it was over.
jc: ...*picks up ginger ale can* are we talking about the same thing?
sl: yeah. it's over!
2009.01.06