and the show must go on
i am completely and utterly ready to go back, and not cast my eyes upon pittsburgh for a long long time.
there will be no looking back with nostalgia this time, no looking back at all.
i've learned that someone who i considered to be a good friend is actually just a hipocrite and a liar.
i've learned that for a large part of our friendship, she was actually just manipulating me to get what she wanted.
countless relationships of mine were ruined, and i spent a long time (and many hours in therapy) worrying that i was bad person and that i fucked everyones lives up and that i was the cause of their turmoil. why would i think this? because this is what she told me every single day.
"you just keep dating people who are my friends and ruining my friendships with them. you're driving me crazy and fucking up my life."
now, she is doing the exact same thing. except i would never tell her she is fucking up my life, because she isnt. she is fucking up our friendship though.
i was ridiculed and put down everyday, because she was jealous (and i'll just go right on out there and say it) because she wanted me to be with her and not with other girls. now, she's hooking up with a friend of ours and has decided that that means it's okay for her to completely ignore me when we "hang out" and basically not act like she's my friend at all. i wouldn't care at all what she was doing with this girl if it wasn't making her act like a complete and total bitch to me. so i calmly and as nicely as possible told her all of this, and her response?
"yeah, i completely agree with you. i'm being a bitch, but you know, whatever, sorry."
so pretty much she's just telling me, "well deal with it bitch. i'm not going to stop treating you like crap."
her attempt at fixing the situation and just trying to be nice to me turned into her acting so completely fake and bullshit with me. i have had complete strangers treat me with more respect and genuine emotion than you have in the past few days. your words were so fake, and now mean nothing to me.
she was obsessed and in love with me and chased away practically every girlfriend i ever had in pittsburgh, but the second she finally gets her first real lesbian kiss, then it's okay to toss our "friendship" to the side of the road and treat me like a piece of shit. rrriiigghhtt....that makes perfect sense...cough cough...
so why am i not trying to do the exact same thing to her that she did with me? why am i not trying to ruin her relationship with this girl and give her a complex over her self worth? why am i not hating this girl and trying to make her feel as unwelcome as possible? why? because i'm not a pathetic hipocrite like her. because i'm not obsessed and in love with her, and never will be. because i'm trying to be a better person than that, i am a better person that that. because this girl is my friend too, and i'm not going to hate her because someone else wants me to. because i'm not jealous and crazy, only hurt at the realization that most of our friendship has been an elaborate attempt to get into my pants, and now that she's finally learned that she's failed and there is someone else to focus her obsessive-compulsive tendencies on, she could care less whether i live or die. well here's a nice big "FUCK YOU".
the good part about all of this?...she has moved on from her unhealthy longing of a kind of relationship that will never exist between the two of us. i will never have to deal with her being creepy and hitting on me again, also due to the fact that if she currently tried to do that i would spit in her face and never talk to her again. plus, i know that i'm going to get a boatload of good song material out of this experience. there you go, you finally got what you wanted, a lifetime of attention showered upon you by me, as you will now be immortalized in my songs of contempt and pity towards you.
i sacrificed so much to be here with you and make your birthday enjoyable, and all i got in return was a hard slap in the face.
i literally feel like i'm going to throw up now when you touch me.
this is the last time i ever go out of my way for you again.
congratulations, you've royally fucked up, and i will never look at you in the same way or trust a single word that comes out of your mouth again.
there will be no looking back with nostalgia this time, no looking back at all.
i've learned that someone who i considered to be a good friend is actually just a hipocrite and a liar.
i've learned that for a large part of our friendship, she was actually just manipulating me to get what she wanted.
countless relationships of mine were ruined, and i spent a long time (and many hours in therapy) worrying that i was bad person and that i fucked everyones lives up and that i was the cause of their turmoil. why would i think this? because this is what she told me every single day.
"you just keep dating people who are my friends and ruining my friendships with them. you're driving me crazy and fucking up my life."
now, she is doing the exact same thing. except i would never tell her she is fucking up my life, because she isnt. she is fucking up our friendship though.
i was ridiculed and put down everyday, because she was jealous (and i'll just go right on out there and say it) because she wanted me to be with her and not with other girls. now, she's hooking up with a friend of ours and has decided that that means it's okay for her to completely ignore me when we "hang out" and basically not act like she's my friend at all. i wouldn't care at all what she was doing with this girl if it wasn't making her act like a complete and total bitch to me. so i calmly and as nicely as possible told her all of this, and her response?
"yeah, i completely agree with you. i'm being a bitch, but you know, whatever, sorry."
so pretty much she's just telling me, "well deal with it bitch. i'm not going to stop treating you like crap."
her attempt at fixing the situation and just trying to be nice to me turned into her acting so completely fake and bullshit with me. i have had complete strangers treat me with more respect and genuine emotion than you have in the past few days. your words were so fake, and now mean nothing to me.
she was obsessed and in love with me and chased away practically every girlfriend i ever had in pittsburgh, but the second she finally gets her first real lesbian kiss, then it's okay to toss our "friendship" to the side of the road and treat me like a piece of shit. rrriiigghhtt....that makes perfect sense...cough cough...
so why am i not trying to do the exact same thing to her that she did with me? why am i not trying to ruin her relationship with this girl and give her a complex over her self worth? why am i not hating this girl and trying to make her feel as unwelcome as possible? why? because i'm not a pathetic hipocrite like her. because i'm not obsessed and in love with her, and never will be. because i'm trying to be a better person than that, i am a better person that that. because this girl is my friend too, and i'm not going to hate her because someone else wants me to. because i'm not jealous and crazy, only hurt at the realization that most of our friendship has been an elaborate attempt to get into my pants, and now that she's finally learned that she's failed and there is someone else to focus her obsessive-compulsive tendencies on, she could care less whether i live or die. well here's a nice big "FUCK YOU".
the good part about all of this?...she has moved on from her unhealthy longing of a kind of relationship that will never exist between the two of us. i will never have to deal with her being creepy and hitting on me again, also due to the fact that if she currently tried to do that i would spit in her face and never talk to her again. plus, i know that i'm going to get a boatload of good song material out of this experience. there you go, you finally got what you wanted, a lifetime of attention showered upon you by me, as you will now be immortalized in my songs of contempt and pity towards you.
i sacrificed so much to be here with you and make your birthday enjoyable, and all i got in return was a hard slap in the face.
i literally feel like i'm going to throw up now when you touch me.
this is the last time i ever go out of my way for you again.
congratulations, you've royally fucked up, and i will never look at you in the same way or trust a single word that comes out of your mouth again.