Oops I did it again...

Aug 04, 2010 19:21

I think that I've been the victim of a most gruesome and personal violation ( Read more... )

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plural August 5 2010, 00:26:06 UTC
of all the delightful people here
it is you I hoped to hear from
more than any other

as
it is my fondest wish
that you are correct

there is nothing
I desire more
than for such decision
in your mind

if she
was the one
much would be settled in my mind

as much as I enjoy
being the rogue
being that guy
I want
desperately
to be someone else
to be
that guy
the one who has her
the one who marries her

I enjoy my life
but I see it's faults
but I see where true merit lies

this girl
unlike the dozens before
and likely
the dozens after her

inspires me

when I see her
it isn't so much that I want commitment
as much
as I was family

when I look at her
I see children
grandchildren

a legacy

perhaps that is selfish
perhaps that is unkind
but
while some women
might make me want
to be a better man
she inspires in me
the creation of a legacy

I went out this evening
with a few of mt guy friends
and
I shared with them
my current dilemma

and to be honest
they didnt get it

I look at her
and I don't see children
I see grandchildren
I see great-grandchildren

it isn't
that she is the woman I want now
not that I do know want her now
it is that she is the woman
I want forty years from now

right now
I'd love to have her in my arms
I'd love to hear her moan
cry
scream
and
I would feel gratified
with such
but
looking at her now
what I really want
isnt that
isn't now

what really turns me on
is the image of her as the matriarch
raising with me
our grandchildren
teaching them
to carry on the values and traditions
of our family

perhaps
that is asking too much
perhaps that is
seeking too much
but
quite frankly
even if I am wrong

the juice seems worth the squeeze

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notodette August 5 2010, 02:22:11 UTC
You'll see that it's sustainable when it becomes so. When those thoughts of future generations do not fade. When she falters, does something to ruin the mystique, uses an immature word, a crass phrase, and yet you find yourself forgiving her, and, as for her part, she stays the course, right back to the person you are wishing her to be, just blips of imperfection here and there, like butterflies, never settling anywhere, least of all the pit of your stomach. You will see a woman for who you want her to be, while seeing at the same time who she is, and you will see it all in the future tense as is already happening.

It might be this woman, it might be the next one. But it is certainly not the blondes, brunettes, and redheads you mentioned at the beginning of your post.

(Do you mind if I ask you how old you are, btw? I hope I haven't already asked this, but I may have.)

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plural August 5 2010, 05:59:48 UTC
I meet lots of attractive women
90% of them
despite their allure
do not interest me

sure, I'll dally, I'll dip, I'll taste
but really
I'm not interested.

About once a year
I meet a woman who intrigues me
more often than not
it doesn't last
a momentary fancy
a passing infatuation
something entirely unsustainable

once a decade
however
I meet a woman who compels me
and
of the two prior
I was engaged to one
and dated another for almost five year

so
this isn't a passing fancy
isn't a ship passing in the dark

as for her faltering
in any way or regard
it really doesn't matter
as
my attraction isn't based on some silly idea of perfection
she is a flawed woman
as I am a flawed man
actually no, that isn't fair, I'm a far more flawed man
but
that really isn't the point

I don't adore her for being perfect
I don't adore her for her potential
I adore her for her faults
I adore her for her gifts
I adore her for the balance of who she is

right or wrong
good or bad
for evil or good
she simply takes my breathe away.

I can't hold others to reasonable account
for if they held me to a similar standard
I could never pass.
I may wish to be otherwise
but the truth is I am brute
a man with a past and an unpleasant one at that
it is only grace which sustains me here
and only grace is my release.

you are absolutely correct
it may be this woman
it may be the next
and it definitely isn't
all those others I mentioned
but
damn the torpedoes
I'm going full speed ahead...

and
I'll be 35 at the end of next month.
and while you didn't ask
she is 28.

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notodette August 5 2010, 15:09:26 UTC
I didn't ask about her because I don't care about age differences (clearly). I just wanted to know how much life experience you've had, or rather, how much time you've had on this earth in which to have those experiences.

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