Oops I did it again...
I think that I've been the victim of a most gruesome and personal violation.
If only I could determine who is at fault and how they pulled off.
I've been having issues with appetites lately
which honestly after the last few years of ennui
is a refreshing change
quite simply
all my appetites
have become ravenous
and insatiable
I eat a fine meal
I'm hungry twenty minutes later
and
sex
if only the respite after sex
lasted as long
hell, last night
a lass smiled, laughed with shining eyes
and I popped wood
seriously?
what am I 15 again?
whats next, erections when the wind changes direction?
now granted
this particular lass
wait
no
I'll save her for last
instead
let us divert
since I've been a naughty negligent plural
when it comes to updating here
[and probably in other ways as well]
[but I've never been one to disappoint]
[in that regard]
and talk first
about the rest
the other lasses
currently in my life
who currently consist of
two russian brunettes
one russian redhead
a sultry morroccan
and
blondes from denmark and chile
[I think that is all of them anyway]
[there was an Israeli lass]
[but I tired of her quickly]
[probably because she had so little stamina]
are all quite delicious
whether drinking, flirting or dancing
[of either the vertical or horizontal persuasion]
I enjoy them tremendously
but as delightful as they are
I'm not particularly interested
quite frankly
I suspect their only real interest
beyond my obvious gifts, talents and charm
is that I am utterly divested of real interest
these are all women
who are used to being pursued
ogled
wooed
and while I chat, flirt and smile
with my trademarked charm
they can tell I'm merely passing time
amusing myself
a social onanist
merely passing time
and practicing for the real thing
I think more than anything
they are wondering just what the hell I have
that allows me to be so cavalier
with their attentions
the answer is of course
standards
while each is lovely
and possesses virtues and vices of her own
none strikes me as
extraordinary
well
honestly
none simply strikes me
sure I find myself
weaving in and out of their spells
it is merely
my adoration for
and enjoyment of
women
which enchants me
of course
I've been telling myself
over and over
avoid commitment
there isn't the time
avoid entanglement
you are too unsettled
focus on yourself
finish the training
get settled
figure out what your life
will be like
first
take care of yourself
and
as it always seems in my life
those times when I'm most interested
in avoiding women
that they're most interested in me
if that were all
I'd shrug and laugh
and let life carry me as she wills
but
as the title of this post implies
it isn't all
and
I've gone and done it again
yes
I'm talking about her now
I first saw her
in the library
well
to be honest
it was her posterior
which I noticed first
an ass like Campbell's soup
mmm mmm good
my first inclination
was merely to enjoy the view
and the fates were kind enough
that the only available seat
would facilitate that inclination nicely
I hadn't sat down
for more than a minute
when she turned and engaged me in conversation
there were immediate sparks
but also
something else
I sensed
hesitation
we talked for a good hour or two
it came out slowly that she not only had a boyfriend
but that they'd been dating for six years
[although he is back in the states]
whatever I told myself
I'm not looking for a relationship
just pleasant social interaction
and at most
a good wing woman
I enjoyed our chat
we exchanged numbers
on a purely social basis
and went our separate ways
a few days later
I'm waiting at the park outside my building
for a group of South Americans
who I've befriended
and who invited me to join them
on an outing to Tel Aviv
for a street festival
I arrived to the meeting point late
because well, you see
Jews are always late
and
South Americans are the same
but Jewish South Americans
have a double dose
With either group
I generally assume half an hour
after the agreed time is when they will show up
when you combine
it is more like an hour
being a pervasively punctual fellow
I couldn't bear to be more than half an hour late
not that it mattered
as they didn't start showing up
for another hour after that
anyway
we've got about three quarters of the group assembled
when
the lass walks by
we notice each other
wave and stop to chat
she is just getting home
I invite her to join us
you know
a friendly group of people
heading out for a festival
I really should remember
to bring a towel
if I'm going to be swimming
in Egyptian rivers
she agrees and in short order
we are all assembled and heading out
the night didn't go well
not between her and I mind you
rather
it was the rest of the group
who was a pain in the ass
we found ourselves
constantly struggling to keep up
rather than getting to enjoy the festivities
so after an hour or so
we decided to split off
told the group we were heading home
and went our own way for a bit
before deciding that we were indeed tired
and heading home
My first inkling of trouble
peered through the surface of the river
like a crocodile
just two beady little eyes
easy to miss
but the surest warning one will get
on the bus back
she fell asleep on my shoulder
and
I didn't mind in the least
but somewhere
in the back of my mind
my subconscious was busy
playing whack a mole
with the red flags desperately attempting
to warn me of impending disaster
Over the next two or so weeks
it wasn't so much that I was avoiding her
as I was avoiding inventing a reason to call her
and one was stubbornly not offering itself up independently
I mean really
I am a grown man
I have plenty of female friends
that I'm not sleeping with
well
Ok, so maybe only a few
but
they exist
there is no reason
I can't just...
really I'm serious
why are you looking at me like that?
anyway
allow me to continue
a couple weeks go by
and circumstance finally gets around
to conspiring against me
[thank god, my patience was quite exasperated]
I am heading out for my nightly walk
and she is sitting in the park
I wave hello
she waves back
and as I approach
I notice she is on the phone
the conversation seems serious
so I start to head off
only to run into a fellow
who lives nearby and had a question
she gets off the phone
apparently due to a connection failure
[overseas calls here can do that]
and I beg out of my conversation
to say hello
while I wasn't eavesdropping
the snippets I did hear
made it clear
she had been speaking to her boyfriend
we chatted briefly
her phone rang again
I excused myself to go on my walk
and that was that
a pleasant friendly interaction
really
nothing more than that
when I returned
from my walk
perhaps forty five minutes later
I could hear her arguing
as I turned the corner
I do not know what they were arguing about
but I was impressed with how she went about it
[in terms of tone of voice that is]
and since I could tell the conversation was wrapping up
I kept my distance for a few minutes
until it was over.
We chatted briefly
she said she hated relationships
which given how the conversation was going
seemed a reasonable frustration
but obviously just a venting of such
what little I caught
seemed to be him accusing her of some form of neglect
and her repeatedly asking him to clarify
what it was that she hadn't done
which had upset him
to which he seemed unwilling to give any answer
she was obviously stressed
and with entirely honest and gentlemanly intentions
[yeah right]
I said
Come now, you can't go to bed all worked up like that
I've got half a bottle of white wine in the fridge
why don't you go drop your stuff in your apartment
I'll grab the wine
and we can have a glass and relax for a few minutes
she smiled, agreed and that was that
I went upstairs
took a good swig out of the bottle
chilling in the fridge
so it wouldn't make a liar out of me
grabbed two glasses and headed back down
we talked, smiled, laughed, drank and even perhaps flirted a bit
for an hour or two
then I walked her home and we said good night
the crocodile in my mind
was being far less coy
but I found myself torn
I didn't want to be the vulture
swooping in on a lass
when her relationship is in distress
and I certainly didn't want to be
the backdoor man
sneaking her affections on the sly
but unlike the rest of the local lovelies
I found her quite compelling
she is in law school and in Israel
volunteering at a social justice law non-profit
for the next few months
and looking into going to law school here instead
as she decided to she wants to live in Israel
in other words
not only a brilliant mind
but a highly trained one as well
I'll always wondered if I shouldn't date a lawyer
after all I adore the law
and probably should have become a lawyer myself
all of my family attorneys kept insisting upon it
not to mention
turn about is not only good fun
but always enjoyable
she has charm and quite simply
radiates life
my family would approve
my mother would have adored her
and
I
as I said before
am compelled
I've often joked
that love at first sight is easy
it is love at repeated sight that is difficult
but in all honesty
the former holds more true than the latter
as in every serious relationship I've ever had
it has been love/lust/compulsion at first sight
I can pretty much know within moments of meeting someone
what potential is there
and not a single relationship
with a woman who didn't sweep me off my feet immediately
has lasted more than a few months
anyway
I digress and get ahead of myself
it is merely that
I'm not sure how to proceed
but it isn't time for that question yet
let alone any answers
I should at least
give you the rest of the story first
the next afternoon
she called me up
and asked if she could come over
to "borrow" some movies
from the collection I'd mentioned
that I had on my computer
I said of course
she said she was about to eat
and would drop by later
which apparently she did
but I was in the back room
[the only room with AC]
watching a movie
and didn't hear the door.
so I guess that is my bad
but a few hours later
as I was getting ready for bed
I sent her a text
to see if she was coming over
and got no response
so I went to bed.
the next day
I was lazing about
it was past dinner time but I didn't feel like cooking
so I dawdled
and eventually dragged myself into the kitchen
only to discover
that I had almost no food
and definitely not enough
to make anything tasty enough
to overcome my aversion to cooking
at that moment.
I decided to go out to eat
grabbed my phone
to see what time it was
and noticed
she had responded to my text
from the previous night
much earlier and I had not noticed
so I sent her a text
asking if she had eaten
she said nope
that she was on the bus back from Tel Aviv
[about half an hour away]
and asked what I was thinking
I said I was thinking of eating
and would she like to join me
she asked if I was cooking in my crib or ?
my crib?
really?
I wasn't aware I lived in Compton.
I called her and said as much
to which she laughed
and made the comment that
the buildings around here
reminded her of section 8 housing
I could only concede the point.
I said nope, I was going out
She said she was tired
I was having none of it
trust me I said, the place I have in mind
will be a refreshing change.
she protested again
about not sure she wanted to spend the money
[going out here is about twice as expensive as the states]
I smiled and said
hush, just come, let me worry about the rest
and so she did
I had about forty minutes to burn
so I popped in the shower
got dressed
and headed down
to use the wifi across the street
to make some phone calls while I waited
[I have internet in my apartment]
[but for international calls]
[I need wifi which I don't have]
I came outside
just as she was coming home
she went upstairs to drop off her bag
she came down
perhaps ten minutes later
she had also changed
and put on some make up
the lip gloss in particular
made my knees a little weak
she looked radiant
I said so
and then she started walking
in the wrong direction
you see
from where we live
everything is north of us
on the main drag in town
except
where we were going
it is my secret garden
I had found it several weeks before
on one of my nightly walks
and
it was my escape
my place to recharge
to simultaneously feel
human and divine
when I say a secret garden
I am not using hyperbole
I never would have found the place
save for fate's intervention or perhaps inspiration
I was walking down a small street
mostly houses
nothing of real interest
I walked past a dirt road
a little wider perhaps than most
slightly overgrown
and nothing in view but bushes, road and darkness
I stopped
I'm not sure why
I looked down the road and into the night
I saw nothing of interest
I heard nothing of interest
There was absolutely no reason I could find
to walk down that road
yet I knew I had to
I knew from studying the map
that it couldn't go anywhere
as the road I was on
was a boundary road
so on the south side
there were no roads going anywhere
but still I was compelled
so I shrugged
gave into my whim
and strolled down the road
I passed through the darkness
a few hundred feet later
into a small dirt parking lot
on the far side
a thicket of trees and shrubs
and there
next to a small light
overpowered by the night around it
I saw a gate
lazily lying half open
I went over and through the gate
and found myself on a stone path
surrounded by lush vegetation.
small garden lights were losing the battle to light my way
so I went forward hesitantly
a short distance ahead
the path forked
one path heading mostly straight
the second diverting to the right
it was then I heard water
moving rushing falling pooling
and several steps later
music
soft slow melodies
haunting the night
I went right
and found alcoves with tables and chairs
nestled along the path
after passing several of them
I realized I needed to go back
and take the other path
which I did
and
around the next bend
or perhaps
tree would be more appropriate
I found it
or I should say her
the hostess
this place
hidden away
was a restaurant
and around and through the restaurant
was woven a garden
I approached her hesitantly
the prodigal sun returning to his god given domain
asked if I could look around
she nodded
and I did
it was simply perfect
the dishes and drinks
on the tables looked delicious
the music lazed in the background
as to imbue you with the right mood
without your even really noticing it
I went straight through the main patio
and found myself on a path curving around
I assumed correctly that this was
the fork I had previously started down
I passed several benches along side a creek
which meandered along the path before cascading
into a small pond
next to which there were two wooden chairs
the sort which are perfect for lounging in
with a good book and a drink
I was grinning from ear to ear
this was exactly the sort of place
I adore
where I can go to refresh my batteries
after a long day
I swung back around to peruse the menu
stashed a business card in my wallet
before thanking her and heading home
on the way out
I made a mental note of the surroundings
ensuring I could find my way back easily
over the ensuing weeks I would often escape there
mostly in the afternoons
to have a drink by the pond with my book
and just relax
be transported into my own special place
prior to this evening
I'd only gone there on my own
preferring to keep this for myself
a fortress of solitude
but tonight
I was hungry and not just for food
and
though previously delighted
by some of the appetizers
I had so far only feasted my eyes upon the entrees
so had decided
even before the thought of inviting her occurred to me
[although I suspect it was lurking in there somewhere]
that this was where I wanted to go
and once that was decided
that
she was who I wanted to share it with
anyway
she was heading the wrong direction
I stopped
smiled
whistled a catchy tune
till she realized I wasn't following her
she looked perplexed
I asked her where she was going
her response started out as a statement and ended up as a question
to the restaurant?
I grinned that special grin
we reserve for when someone is going the wrong way
and said
not that way you aren't, come
we headed the other direction
down a long driveway
through a gap in the fence at the end of it
ducking between some trees
weaving through the fountains in a park
before reaching the desired road
we chatted
I with charming nonchalance
she with some amount of suspicion
but I suspect she'd realized
that I wasn't the sort of boy
to reveal my mysteries so easily
so she followed along dutifully
until I turned onto the dirt road
you have to imagine
we've just walked away from the center of town
[where everything is located]
down a road which is half comprised of empty lots
and run down buildings
and
now I'm suggesting we walk down
a darkened dirt road
half overgrown with bushes
I'll give her credit
that she balked only in her mind
and even then only slightly
the only outward signs
a slight stutter in her step
and a glance up to read my face
reassuring herself that
that I had no ill intentions
at which point
I suspect the thought in her mind
was something along the lines of
in for a penny, in for a pound
we headed down the road
through the dark patch of night
and emerged into the parking lot
which was unlike that first night
empty of cars
so while I knew what it was
to her it could only have looked
like a deserted patch of ground
in the middle of nowhere
most women at this point
would probably be wondering
if they'd made a tragic miscalculation
and look for the nearest exit stage left
but if she did
I'll give her credit for covering it completely
I am not sure if the gate
and the subsequent path
did a whole lot to reassure her
but I got the feeling it did
as if she was able to feel the energy of the place
just as I had that first night
and realize
it was something special
I saw her taking in her surroundings
with growing amazement
but she didn't say anything until
the hostess came into view
at which point
I suspect any fears involving chainsaws or axes
had been assuaged
the hostess seated us
we ordered drinks
and I made small talk
while she absorbed the surroundings
it was then
with a laugh
with a smile
with the gleam in her eyes
that I
was transported back
almost 20 years
thankfully
the table preserved by dignity
and disguised my intentions
it was
delightful and stimulating
serious and playful
exactly what I needed
and I got the feeling
she felt the same way
in other words
divine
We stayed for several hours
and I walked her home around 1am
as she had to get up in the morning
and make a rather long trip to a prison
where she was to spend the day
interviewing prisoners
fortunately by that point
her lip gloss if not her spell
had mostly worn off
and I was fairly confident that I could stand
without making a fool of myself
we said goodnight
I told her to call me tomorrow
[now today]
when she got home
and I'd lend her those movies
and that brings you current
I expect she will call
in the next hour or two
and
well
as I said before
I don't wish to seem to be
preying on her relationship troubles
but
I'm rather smitten
and
I'd quite like to toss my hat into the ring
so to you
my dear ladies of Spain
I entrust my fate
do I come clean?
toss my hat (and heart) out there
and let
the devil do what he may with it?
If only I could determine who is at fault and how they pulled off.
I've been having issues with appetites lately
which honestly after the last few years of ennui
is a refreshing change
quite simply
all my appetites
have become ravenous
and insatiable
I eat a fine meal
I'm hungry twenty minutes later
and
sex
if only the respite after sex
lasted as long
hell, last night
a lass smiled, laughed with shining eyes
and I popped wood
seriously?
what am I 15 again?
whats next, erections when the wind changes direction?
now granted
this particular lass
wait
no
I'll save her for last
instead
let us divert
since I've been a naughty negligent plural
when it comes to updating here
[and probably in other ways as well]
[but I've never been one to disappoint]
[in that regard]
and talk first
about the rest
the other lasses
currently in my life
who currently consist of
two russian brunettes
one russian redhead
a sultry morroccan
and
blondes from denmark and chile
[I think that is all of them anyway]
[there was an Israeli lass]
[but I tired of her quickly]
[probably because she had so little stamina]
are all quite delicious
whether drinking, flirting or dancing
[of either the vertical or horizontal persuasion]
I enjoy them tremendously
but as delightful as they are
I'm not particularly interested
quite frankly
I suspect their only real interest
beyond my obvious gifts, talents and charm
is that I am utterly divested of real interest
these are all women
who are used to being pursued
ogled
wooed
and while I chat, flirt and smile
with my trademarked charm
they can tell I'm merely passing time
amusing myself
a social onanist
merely passing time
and practicing for the real thing
I think more than anything
they are wondering just what the hell I have
that allows me to be so cavalier
with their attentions
the answer is of course
standards
while each is lovely
and possesses virtues and vices of her own
none strikes me as
extraordinary
well
honestly
none simply strikes me
sure I find myself
weaving in and out of their spells
it is merely
my adoration for
and enjoyment of
women
which enchants me
of course
I've been telling myself
over and over
avoid commitment
there isn't the time
avoid entanglement
you are too unsettled
focus on yourself
finish the training
get settled
figure out what your life
will be like
first
take care of yourself
and
as it always seems in my life
those times when I'm most interested
in avoiding women
that they're most interested in me
if that were all
I'd shrug and laugh
and let life carry me as she wills
but
as the title of this post implies
it isn't all
and
I've gone and done it again
yes
I'm talking about her now
I first saw her
in the library
well
to be honest
it was her posterior
which I noticed first
an ass like Campbell's soup
mmm mmm good
my first inclination
was merely to enjoy the view
and the fates were kind enough
that the only available seat
would facilitate that inclination nicely
I hadn't sat down
for more than a minute
when she turned and engaged me in conversation
there were immediate sparks
but also
something else
I sensed
hesitation
we talked for a good hour or two
it came out slowly that she not only had a boyfriend
but that they'd been dating for six years
[although he is back in the states]
whatever I told myself
I'm not looking for a relationship
just pleasant social interaction
and at most
a good wing woman
I enjoyed our chat
we exchanged numbers
on a purely social basis
and went our separate ways
a few days later
I'm waiting at the park outside my building
for a group of South Americans
who I've befriended
and who invited me to join them
on an outing to Tel Aviv
for a street festival
I arrived to the meeting point late
because well, you see
Jews are always late
and
South Americans are the same
but Jewish South Americans
have a double dose
With either group
I generally assume half an hour
after the agreed time is when they will show up
when you combine
it is more like an hour
being a pervasively punctual fellow
I couldn't bear to be more than half an hour late
not that it mattered
as they didn't start showing up
for another hour after that
anyway
we've got about three quarters of the group assembled
when
the lass walks by
we notice each other
wave and stop to chat
she is just getting home
I invite her to join us
you know
a friendly group of people
heading out for a festival
I really should remember
to bring a towel
if I'm going to be swimming
in Egyptian rivers
she agrees and in short order
we are all assembled and heading out
the night didn't go well
not between her and I mind you
rather
it was the rest of the group
who was a pain in the ass
we found ourselves
constantly struggling to keep up
rather than getting to enjoy the festivities
so after an hour or so
we decided to split off
told the group we were heading home
and went our own way for a bit
before deciding that we were indeed tired
and heading home
My first inkling of trouble
peered through the surface of the river
like a crocodile
just two beady little eyes
easy to miss
but the surest warning one will get
on the bus back
she fell asleep on my shoulder
and
I didn't mind in the least
but somewhere
in the back of my mind
my subconscious was busy
playing whack a mole
with the red flags desperately attempting
to warn me of impending disaster
Over the next two or so weeks
it wasn't so much that I was avoiding her
as I was avoiding inventing a reason to call her
and one was stubbornly not offering itself up independently
I mean really
I am a grown man
I have plenty of female friends
that I'm not sleeping with
well
Ok, so maybe only a few
but
they exist
there is no reason
I can't just...
really I'm serious
why are you looking at me like that?
anyway
allow me to continue
a couple weeks go by
and circumstance finally gets around
to conspiring against me
[thank god, my patience was quite exasperated]
I am heading out for my nightly walk
and she is sitting in the park
I wave hello
she waves back
and as I approach
I notice she is on the phone
the conversation seems serious
so I start to head off
only to run into a fellow
who lives nearby and had a question
she gets off the phone
apparently due to a connection failure
[overseas calls here can do that]
and I beg out of my conversation
to say hello
while I wasn't eavesdropping
the snippets I did hear
made it clear
she had been speaking to her boyfriend
we chatted briefly
her phone rang again
I excused myself to go on my walk
and that was that
a pleasant friendly interaction
really
nothing more than that
when I returned
from my walk
perhaps forty five minutes later
I could hear her arguing
as I turned the corner
I do not know what they were arguing about
but I was impressed with how she went about it
[in terms of tone of voice that is]
and since I could tell the conversation was wrapping up
I kept my distance for a few minutes
until it was over.
We chatted briefly
she said she hated relationships
which given how the conversation was going
seemed a reasonable frustration
but obviously just a venting of such
what little I caught
seemed to be him accusing her of some form of neglect
and her repeatedly asking him to clarify
what it was that she hadn't done
which had upset him
to which he seemed unwilling to give any answer
she was obviously stressed
and with entirely honest and gentlemanly intentions
[yeah right]
I said
Come now, you can't go to bed all worked up like that
I've got half a bottle of white wine in the fridge
why don't you go drop your stuff in your apartment
I'll grab the wine
and we can have a glass and relax for a few minutes
she smiled, agreed and that was that
I went upstairs
took a good swig out of the bottle
chilling in the fridge
so it wouldn't make a liar out of me
grabbed two glasses and headed back down
we talked, smiled, laughed, drank and even perhaps flirted a bit
for an hour or two
then I walked her home and we said good night
the crocodile in my mind
was being far less coy
but I found myself torn
I didn't want to be the vulture
swooping in on a lass
when her relationship is in distress
and I certainly didn't want to be
the backdoor man
sneaking her affections on the sly
but unlike the rest of the local lovelies
I found her quite compelling
she is in law school and in Israel
volunteering at a social justice law non-profit
for the next few months
and looking into going to law school here instead
as she decided to she wants to live in Israel
in other words
not only a brilliant mind
but a highly trained one as well
I'll always wondered if I shouldn't date a lawyer
after all I adore the law
and probably should have become a lawyer myself
all of my family attorneys kept insisting upon it
not to mention
turn about is not only good fun
but always enjoyable
she has charm and quite simply
radiates life
my family would approve
my mother would have adored her
and
I
as I said before
am compelled
I've often joked
that love at first sight is easy
it is love at repeated sight that is difficult
but in all honesty
the former holds more true than the latter
as in every serious relationship I've ever had
it has been love/lust/compulsion at first sight
I can pretty much know within moments of meeting someone
what potential is there
and not a single relationship
with a woman who didn't sweep me off my feet immediately
has lasted more than a few months
anyway
I digress and get ahead of myself
it is merely that
I'm not sure how to proceed
but it isn't time for that question yet
let alone any answers
I should at least
give you the rest of the story first
the next afternoon
she called me up
and asked if she could come over
to "borrow" some movies
from the collection I'd mentioned
that I had on my computer
I said of course
she said she was about to eat
and would drop by later
which apparently she did
but I was in the back room
[the only room with AC]
watching a movie
and didn't hear the door.
so I guess that is my bad
but a few hours later
as I was getting ready for bed
I sent her a text
to see if she was coming over
and got no response
so I went to bed.
the next day
I was lazing about
it was past dinner time but I didn't feel like cooking
so I dawdled
and eventually dragged myself into the kitchen
only to discover
that I had almost no food
and definitely not enough
to make anything tasty enough
to overcome my aversion to cooking
at that moment.
I decided to go out to eat
grabbed my phone
to see what time it was
and noticed
she had responded to my text
from the previous night
much earlier and I had not noticed
so I sent her a text
asking if she had eaten
she said nope
that she was on the bus back from Tel Aviv
[about half an hour away]
and asked what I was thinking
I said I was thinking of eating
and would she like to join me
she asked if I was cooking in my crib or ?
my crib?
really?
I wasn't aware I lived in Compton.
I called her and said as much
to which she laughed
and made the comment that
the buildings around here
reminded her of section 8 housing
I could only concede the point.
I said nope, I was going out
She said she was tired
I was having none of it
trust me I said, the place I have in mind
will be a refreshing change.
she protested again
about not sure she wanted to spend the money
[going out here is about twice as expensive as the states]
I smiled and said
hush, just come, let me worry about the rest
and so she did
I had about forty minutes to burn
so I popped in the shower
got dressed
and headed down
to use the wifi across the street
to make some phone calls while I waited
[I have internet in my apartment]
[but for international calls]
[I need wifi which I don't have]
I came outside
just as she was coming home
she went upstairs to drop off her bag
she came down
perhaps ten minutes later
she had also changed
and put on some make up
the lip gloss in particular
made my knees a little weak
she looked radiant
I said so
and then she started walking
in the wrong direction
you see
from where we live
everything is north of us
on the main drag in town
except
where we were going
it is my secret garden
I had found it several weeks before
on one of my nightly walks
and
it was my escape
my place to recharge
to simultaneously feel
human and divine
when I say a secret garden
I am not using hyperbole
I never would have found the place
save for fate's intervention or perhaps inspiration
I was walking down a small street
mostly houses
nothing of real interest
I walked past a dirt road
a little wider perhaps than most
slightly overgrown
and nothing in view but bushes, road and darkness
I stopped
I'm not sure why
I looked down the road and into the night
I saw nothing of interest
I heard nothing of interest
There was absolutely no reason I could find
to walk down that road
yet I knew I had to
I knew from studying the map
that it couldn't go anywhere
as the road I was on
was a boundary road
so on the south side
there were no roads going anywhere
but still I was compelled
so I shrugged
gave into my whim
and strolled down the road
I passed through the darkness
a few hundred feet later
into a small dirt parking lot
on the far side
a thicket of trees and shrubs
and there
next to a small light
overpowered by the night around it
I saw a gate
lazily lying half open
I went over and through the gate
and found myself on a stone path
surrounded by lush vegetation.
small garden lights were losing the battle to light my way
so I went forward hesitantly
a short distance ahead
the path forked
one path heading mostly straight
the second diverting to the right
it was then I heard water
moving rushing falling pooling
and several steps later
music
soft slow melodies
haunting the night
I went right
and found alcoves with tables and chairs
nestled along the path
after passing several of them
I realized I needed to go back
and take the other path
which I did
and
around the next bend
or perhaps
tree would be more appropriate
I found it
or I should say her
the hostess
this place
hidden away
was a restaurant
and around and through the restaurant
was woven a garden
I approached her hesitantly
the prodigal sun returning to his god given domain
asked if I could look around
she nodded
and I did
it was simply perfect
the dishes and drinks
on the tables looked delicious
the music lazed in the background
as to imbue you with the right mood
without your even really noticing it
I went straight through the main patio
and found myself on a path curving around
I assumed correctly that this was
the fork I had previously started down
I passed several benches along side a creek
which meandered along the path before cascading
into a small pond
next to which there were two wooden chairs
the sort which are perfect for lounging in
with a good book and a drink
I was grinning from ear to ear
this was exactly the sort of place
I adore
where I can go to refresh my batteries
after a long day
I swung back around to peruse the menu
stashed a business card in my wallet
before thanking her and heading home
on the way out
I made a mental note of the surroundings
ensuring I could find my way back easily
over the ensuing weeks I would often escape there
mostly in the afternoons
to have a drink by the pond with my book
and just relax
be transported into my own special place
prior to this evening
I'd only gone there on my own
preferring to keep this for myself
a fortress of solitude
but tonight
I was hungry and not just for food
and
though previously delighted
by some of the appetizers
I had so far only feasted my eyes upon the entrees
so had decided
even before the thought of inviting her occurred to me
[although I suspect it was lurking in there somewhere]
that this was where I wanted to go
and once that was decided
that
she was who I wanted to share it with
anyway
she was heading the wrong direction
I stopped
smiled
whistled a catchy tune
till she realized I wasn't following her
she looked perplexed
I asked her where she was going
her response started out as a statement and ended up as a question
to the restaurant?
I grinned that special grin
we reserve for when someone is going the wrong way
and said
not that way you aren't, come
we headed the other direction
down a long driveway
through a gap in the fence at the end of it
ducking between some trees
weaving through the fountains in a park
before reaching the desired road
we chatted
I with charming nonchalance
she with some amount of suspicion
but I suspect she'd realized
that I wasn't the sort of boy
to reveal my mysteries so easily
so she followed along dutifully
until I turned onto the dirt road
you have to imagine
we've just walked away from the center of town
[where everything is located]
down a road which is half comprised of empty lots
and run down buildings
and
now I'm suggesting we walk down
a darkened dirt road
half overgrown with bushes
I'll give her credit
that she balked only in her mind
and even then only slightly
the only outward signs
a slight stutter in her step
and a glance up to read my face
reassuring herself that
that I had no ill intentions
at which point
I suspect the thought in her mind
was something along the lines of
in for a penny, in for a pound
we headed down the road
through the dark patch of night
and emerged into the parking lot
which was unlike that first night
empty of cars
so while I knew what it was
to her it could only have looked
like a deserted patch of ground
in the middle of nowhere
most women at this point
would probably be wondering
if they'd made a tragic miscalculation
and look for the nearest exit stage left
but if she did
I'll give her credit for covering it completely
I am not sure if the gate
and the subsequent path
did a whole lot to reassure her
but I got the feeling it did
as if she was able to feel the energy of the place
just as I had that first night
and realize
it was something special
I saw her taking in her surroundings
with growing amazement
but she didn't say anything until
the hostess came into view
at which point
I suspect any fears involving chainsaws or axes
had been assuaged
the hostess seated us
we ordered drinks
and I made small talk
while she absorbed the surroundings
it was then
with a laugh
with a smile
with the gleam in her eyes
that I
was transported back
almost 20 years
thankfully
the table preserved by dignity
and disguised my intentions
it was
delightful and stimulating
serious and playful
exactly what I needed
and I got the feeling
she felt the same way
in other words
divine
We stayed for several hours
and I walked her home around 1am
as she had to get up in the morning
and make a rather long trip to a prison
where she was to spend the day
interviewing prisoners
fortunately by that point
her lip gloss if not her spell
had mostly worn off
and I was fairly confident that I could stand
without making a fool of myself
we said goodnight
I told her to call me tomorrow
[now today]
when she got home
and I'd lend her those movies
and that brings you current
I expect she will call
in the next hour or two
and
well
as I said before
I don't wish to seem to be
preying on her relationship troubles
but
I'm rather smitten
and
I'd quite like to toss my hat into the ring
so to you
my dear ladies of Spain
I entrust my fate
do I come clean?
toss my hat (and heart) out there
and let
the devil do what he may with it?