"don't say later will be better now your stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it"
my life feels very dramatic at this particular moment in time. we all need a little drama sometimes just so we don't forget to feel alive. last night had to be one of my best. all of my most gorgeous friends got dressed up all fancy and what not with the hair, the shoes, the short skirts and skimpy halters and went to joeys this swanky new restaurant in south common. we started off with cosmo's because they never asked for id and i realized that a cosmo, like a martini, is almost all vodka... being the cheap drunk i am i was tipsy before my meal got there. we took too many pictures all of mine on poloroids, i am now boycotting the digital because the quality, to me, lacks. at dinner i found out one of my bestest friends has fell in gay love and that i too was in gay love. when lisa and i went to the bathroom apparently my friends took a quick vote to see who thought i liked lisa. chelsea, jessica and lindsay all raised their hands, i'm sure trish and christine would have too if they spent more time with lisa and i. anyways, when i came back chelsea broke the news and i almost pee-ed in my pants. i told her it was untrue and outrageous ... but the thought was already planted in my head.
after the dinner we went to whyte ave and met up with a few of jessica's friends. they being boys just looking for a piece. though it seemed like jessica and christine were enjoying the attention. we went to this cool chinese restaurant just off whyte that also didn't id. we got cheap beer and two dollar shots. for the first time i was able to drink hard liquor without puking and i did around eight. i also smoked my whole pack. before getting super drunk i started texting another girl who i'm sure enjoyed every minute of me whoring my feelings in my most vulnerable state. i really regret that... i definately am a sucker. then jessica and chelsea pulled me aside and said to me:
jessica: "i think you like lisa, it's just the way you look at her sometimes... it's quite obvious ... your eyes give you away"
chelsea: "you've never been so nice to someone accept for me and trish... and you just started hanging out with lisa. you practically just met her"
myself: "shut up guys i can't hear this now... this fucks everything up! she's just a friend..."
the night goes on with more drinking. chels, lisa and i stumbled in at one in the morning... stayed up till 3 where christine and jessica finally came back too... stayed up till four... lisa and i cuddled the rest of the night. it was the first night i spent thinking about someone else besides the usual face. she's so cute in the morning... i don't know why i never saw it before. i am so fucked. straight christian girls who only fuck around with other girls when drunk are trouble for a insecure and still hung up gay girl who can't make up her mind about her own feelings.