Needed an outlet. *shrug*

[plotinglilqueen]

I am just really frustrated.  I gave myself a running start at the beginning of the school year, working really hard not to procrastinate and use my time as wisely as possible, and it has gotten me absolutely no where.  I am working harder than I have ever done in my life and I am just behind in everything.  I'm constantly studying for calculus, reading for Euro, writing for Lit, doing errands for journalism, making up dance classes, volunteering, preparing for the ACT, researching for college, and the time is just slipping by.  I am always working during homeroom and lunch, studying late into the night, staying after school...I mean it is rare when I am not doing all of these things.  And now, more than any other time is the time that matters.  I love my teachers and the effort they put into class and I want to show them equal respect by completing my work thoughtfully and well.  Plus, I need the As to get into college.  I want to be really thorough with my college decision so I can make my best effort not to miss any opportunities, not to mention my parents are always on my back about it.  It's nothing but college meeting after college meeting after discussions after test preparation and just grilling me about everything.  I want to dedicate time to journalism so I can do the paper justice and help us win the awards Roberts can practically taste and not get stressed and take it out on the staff while doing it, so that Roberts and the staff will truly and honestly respect me.  And dance just makes me happy.  I want to thrive and improve and enjoy it.  But I can't.  I can't do any of this because I'm just physically not capable.  I have so much that I'm always just scrapping by, doing the bare minimum, which makes me absolutely despise myself.  And I'm not even doing theater this year, cutting out another thing that makes me happy for me.  And, of course, in the midst of it all there is unrequited wishing that I can't even talk to anyone about anyways.

AND I FRIGGIN' HATE HOW I HAVE BEEN STARTING ALL OF MY SENTENCES WITH "I"!!!!!!!!