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[plngpong]

Everything is slowly piecing itself together. It's two o'clock in the afternoon and I just got out of sed.strat. Last night - a bad move, I stayed up an hour later grilling the eggplants that I got from the public market - which were threatening moldsuicide. Nastalgia from this summer hit hard while I was whisking (with a fork - weak) the

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[latentinfection]

i miss you, woman. i wish we had seen each other this summer. i find that you are constantly a source of joy in my life; you are refreshing and brilliant and i wonder why it is that you spend time fretting over people who aren't positive in your life, who bring situations that make you feel so poorly, and why it is that nobody seems to be encouraging you to step outside of yourself. then i remember that you are only human, that they are only human, as am i. and i wonder, being so out of touch with the average american, is it shameful to study the self, the human condition; to split your focus between rock and soul? is that something that most must do in secret and could this be why it is a festering beast that builds exponentialy, a tornado of emotions and guilt?

is it the ego? the ego that most everybody struggles with.. do i have enough confidence? too mush esteem? am i a selfless person or an asshole? am bold or am i a wet tissue? i wonder whose critical eyes you stare at yourself with. are they your own? do they belong to the sea of bodies around you? have you cloned the judging eyes of one particular person, from the side lines of your journey, telling you that you can always be better?

if you are always focused on a one-track goal of better, when is it that you find time to allow the beauty around you to say hello to you as it pleases? if you run from the exceptional toward the exceptionally great, you might risk snubbing the trees as the bend down and try to say hello.

i love you brielle. whether you feel that you love yourself or not, i do love you and i appologize for not telling you this sooner. you are a beautiful person, one that i cherish knowing. thank you for sharing your life with me.