I think you need to take your past and move onward in life with the past as a helpful reminder of where you do not want to be. Not a weight that does not allow you to be who you want to be. You have to listen to yourself and fuck anyone else who may stand in your way. Do what you want to do. Do what Ian wants to do, not what others think you should do, or everyone else is doing it so you should too. Seriously sit back, and think of the things that make you happy no matter what they are, and strive to have/do them whatever they may be. Whatever makes you unhappy right now make a serious plan to overcome it/them. It will be hard, but what you are doing right now is not helping. You cannot simply sit in self pity for long without it taking it's tole more than it already has. I don't want to see you go back on your medication. You know you don't need it. Just take each day as a new day, full of possibilities and chances.
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