root
I'm so tired all the time.
School is overwhelming. I'm involved in one too many things.
But, despite it all, things are well.
It was my great-aunt ruth's funeral today. I will always remember sharing half of a chair with my cousin, and resting my head on her back and hiding my face in her blonde hair. I couldn't bare to look at anyone else. Not my grandfather, who feels it's his turn next, not my mom and uncle, who grew up with ruth and hazel in the downstairs of their two-family house, they were the cool aunts who take them places and were a relief from dealing with their parents. Hardly anyone was in sad spirits, least of all them, until we got to the cemetery plot. The procedures of last respects continue to fascinate me, I can barely articulate the things I felt observing everyone else.
I feel really protective of my brother, because I feel he's so sensitive and naive in some instances, and I was really unnerved at my grandmother assigned him the task of a pal-bearer (odd name indeed for those who carry the casket to the hurst), because I felt it would be too much him. Him and my Dad are the real sensitive ones. It is my mom and I who are more callous and make jokes out of everything. In the parlor, I saw my Dad off to the side all red-faced, and I knew this whole thing was upsetting him but I kept trying to understand why he was so sensitive. Not that its a bad thing. I just sometimes feel really emotionless and disassociated and I marvel at people who can feel things, feel them so strongly, and wear it on their sleeve.
The viewing yesterday was more fun.
Drinks too.
I have always been a fan of baby pictures, but it was recently that I realized the extreme importance of them and having a lot of them infact. They, and well, pictures in general, are essential at things like this. They help people remember. Frozen moments in time.
I'm going to a RAHSA meeting tonight.
I have a lot to think about and digest about today, and years past.
<<33 Going strong btw.
School is overwhelming. I'm involved in one too many things.
But, despite it all, things are well.
It was my great-aunt ruth's funeral today. I will always remember sharing half of a chair with my cousin, and resting my head on her back and hiding my face in her blonde hair. I couldn't bare to look at anyone else. Not my grandfather, who feels it's his turn next, not my mom and uncle, who grew up with ruth and hazel in the downstairs of their two-family house, they were the cool aunts who take them places and were a relief from dealing with their parents. Hardly anyone was in sad spirits, least of all them, until we got to the cemetery plot. The procedures of last respects continue to fascinate me, I can barely articulate the things I felt observing everyone else.
I feel really protective of my brother, because I feel he's so sensitive and naive in some instances, and I was really unnerved at my grandmother assigned him the task of a pal-bearer (odd name indeed for those who carry the casket to the hurst), because I felt it would be too much him. Him and my Dad are the real sensitive ones. It is my mom and I who are more callous and make jokes out of everything. In the parlor, I saw my Dad off to the side all red-faced, and I knew this whole thing was upsetting him but I kept trying to understand why he was so sensitive. Not that its a bad thing. I just sometimes feel really emotionless and disassociated and I marvel at people who can feel things, feel them so strongly, and wear it on their sleeve.
The viewing yesterday was more fun.
Drinks too.
I have always been a fan of baby pictures, but it was recently that I realized the extreme importance of them and having a lot of them infact. They, and well, pictures in general, are essential at things like this. They help people remember. Frozen moments in time.
I'm going to a RAHSA meeting tonight.
I have a lot to think about and digest about today, and years past.
<<33 Going strong btw.