From Here to There -- November.
It's November and this month I'll be turning 26. I was excited about turning 21, not freaked out by 22 or 23, and ok with turning 24 and even 25. But 26 feels like the dawn of a new era. One where I'm leaving "young adulthood" and entering "you're oldhood."
Age is only the number of times we've been around the sun, so I should be proud I've made it this far. But being 26, almost 26, is a little scary.
Granted, I acknowledge that life has plenty ahead in store for me, and as long as I live to a ripe old age (knock on wood) I'm still only about a quarter way through this existence.
But I'm still freaking out. A little.
It's time to really get the wheels turning to wherever it is I want to be 10, 20, 30 years from now. What kind of life am I going to lead? Will I be independent, travel the world? Will I be a mother, and attempt to impart the wisdom I've gained through the years to children who I'll inevitably fuck up anyway? Will I be hit by a bus tomorrow, and in that moment of life-turned-death, feel any ounce of regret?
My biggest fear is dying knowing I haven't given it my all. That I haven't trusted myself to just do and be. I'm far from that at this point in my life, so I really hope I don't die tomorrow or anytime soon. I've got a lot of work to do (self-help and softly-hard labor style) to get from here to there... wherever there is.
I know my passions. I know my flaws. I'm trying to get over intellectualizing my flaws and move on to using my strengths. I have some things to work on... (tact, socialization, acceptance of contentment as one of life's greatest pleasures)... but doesn't everyone? If we were all perfect, life would be terribly boring. And, besides, perfection doesn't even exist beyond what we already are -- some random blob of chemicals and gas that somehow made us be able to think and reason. That's pretty perfect. It all goes downhill from there.
My life is rather good for an almost-26-year-old. But I also feel like I could get stuck here. All my life thus far I've kept this sense of movement, thus a sense of time. I've moved around a lot to, so when I'm thinking back on my life I can chunk it all into boxes... my time in New Jersey, Los Angeles, Chicago, Prague, D.C., San Francisco. And time chunking is partially how our childhoods are designed... we have school, things to look forward to, going from elementary school to middle school to high school to college... and then... it's off to the great pond of life. There's no more real destinations to reach for. To look forward to. I guess you could say there's marriage and having a family, etc, or being promoted, or landing a dream job for the fifth time, but all of that is not a sure bet. Life could just be one big run on sentence from here on out. More than anything, i'm terrified of getting caught in the commas, or worse, forgetting to include them.
Age is only the number of times we've been around the sun, so I should be proud I've made it this far. But being 26, almost 26, is a little scary.
Granted, I acknowledge that life has plenty ahead in store for me, and as long as I live to a ripe old age (knock on wood) I'm still only about a quarter way through this existence.
But I'm still freaking out. A little.
It's time to really get the wheels turning to wherever it is I want to be 10, 20, 30 years from now. What kind of life am I going to lead? Will I be independent, travel the world? Will I be a mother, and attempt to impart the wisdom I've gained through the years to children who I'll inevitably fuck up anyway? Will I be hit by a bus tomorrow, and in that moment of life-turned-death, feel any ounce of regret?
My biggest fear is dying knowing I haven't given it my all. That I haven't trusted myself to just do and be. I'm far from that at this point in my life, so I really hope I don't die tomorrow or anytime soon. I've got a lot of work to do (self-help and softly-hard labor style) to get from here to there... wherever there is.
I know my passions. I know my flaws. I'm trying to get over intellectualizing my flaws and move on to using my strengths. I have some things to work on... (tact, socialization, acceptance of contentment as one of life's greatest pleasures)... but doesn't everyone? If we were all perfect, life would be terribly boring. And, besides, perfection doesn't even exist beyond what we already are -- some random blob of chemicals and gas that somehow made us be able to think and reason. That's pretty perfect. It all goes downhill from there.
My life is rather good for an almost-26-year-old. But I also feel like I could get stuck here. All my life thus far I've kept this sense of movement, thus a sense of time. I've moved around a lot to, so when I'm thinking back on my life I can chunk it all into boxes... my time in New Jersey, Los Angeles, Chicago, Prague, D.C., San Francisco. And time chunking is partially how our childhoods are designed... we have school, things to look forward to, going from elementary school to middle school to high school to college... and then... it's off to the great pond of life. There's no more real destinations to reach for. To look forward to. I guess you could say there's marriage and having a family, etc, or being promoted, or landing a dream job for the fifth time, but all of that is not a sure bet. Life could just be one big run on sentence from here on out. More than anything, i'm terrified of getting caught in the commas, or worse, forgetting to include them.