Relaxing and Recapping.
Yesterday was sweet. Took a beautiful woman out to the movies, then we strolled hand and hand, sat in a park and talked, went out to dinner, came back to my place and cuddled, then I escorted her back home. I like that, the fact that we acknowledged that we are very attracted and infatuated with one another, but we don't need to immediately tongue each other down, I really respect that about her, she makes you work, and she only gives what she wants, not what she thinks is a fair trade for you taking her out. And anything she gives me is fine, because she is being herself. Realness is so key in anything we do as humans, because if we aren't real about what we are doing, what is the point?
I had a realness conversation with the ex wife right after my extended date, and that was good, because I'm not going to lie, as much as I want to just be satisfied in the idea of hating her and saying fuck off, I really hate fighting with her, she is one of my greatest friends, and fighting with her makes me really lonely, because then I don't have that one key person to talk to. And I know it's hard for us to constantly tear each other down then build it all back up, but I also think it is very important in life to have someone like that that you do that with, because there are things about each of us we refuse to change because we think it is too much work, or we think we like it that way, and in all reality its just the opposite.
So with both of these situations I am really worried about one thing; having to choose. I don't have to choose right now, but I am afraid that at some point that option might come up, and I am stuck between two very beautiful women who equally care for me, and I equally care for them, and have great physical chemistry with both. If I end up back at school, I will end up face to face with the ex wife all the time, and that me and her both know, can have an interesting ending. At the same time, I am putting alot of energy and effort in to nursing and growing this new connection with someone who usually doesn't bless many with such an opportunity. She has been single since December, and that's because she refuses to compromise what she wants out of a relationship just to have someone.
So I guess my biggest concern is the fact that I can see plenty of places where these situations can overlap in a very toxic and explosive way, and someone, or everyone will walk away hurting. I refuse to agree to never talk to or be close to the ex wife again, but at the same time I refuse to agree to leave Carmen for the ex wife. With those two major decisions made clear, all I can do is hope for the best, and hope that my emotions stay true and unvague. Right now, all I want is Carmen, and all iw ant for me and the ex is true friendship and platonic love, but I do not doubt for one second that that could change as soon as we get in physical vicinity of one another. So all I can do is focus in on what my goals are, and what it is I need from a relationship, who can give it to me the best, and who has the most staying power.
I think so far I have the right path, but only time will tell, and emotions are not rational things.
I had a realness conversation with the ex wife right after my extended date, and that was good, because I'm not going to lie, as much as I want to just be satisfied in the idea of hating her and saying fuck off, I really hate fighting with her, she is one of my greatest friends, and fighting with her makes me really lonely, because then I don't have that one key person to talk to. And I know it's hard for us to constantly tear each other down then build it all back up, but I also think it is very important in life to have someone like that that you do that with, because there are things about each of us we refuse to change because we think it is too much work, or we think we like it that way, and in all reality its just the opposite.
So with both of these situations I am really worried about one thing; having to choose. I don't have to choose right now, but I am afraid that at some point that option might come up, and I am stuck between two very beautiful women who equally care for me, and I equally care for them, and have great physical chemistry with both. If I end up back at school, I will end up face to face with the ex wife all the time, and that me and her both know, can have an interesting ending. At the same time, I am putting alot of energy and effort in to nursing and growing this new connection with someone who usually doesn't bless many with such an opportunity. She has been single since December, and that's because she refuses to compromise what she wants out of a relationship just to have someone.
So I guess my biggest concern is the fact that I can see plenty of places where these situations can overlap in a very toxic and explosive way, and someone, or everyone will walk away hurting. I refuse to agree to never talk to or be close to the ex wife again, but at the same time I refuse to agree to leave Carmen for the ex wife. With those two major decisions made clear, all I can do is hope for the best, and hope that my emotions stay true and unvague. Right now, all I want is Carmen, and all iw ant for me and the ex is true friendship and platonic love, but I do not doubt for one second that that could change as soon as we get in physical vicinity of one another. So all I can do is focus in on what my goals are, and what it is I need from a relationship, who can give it to me the best, and who has the most staying power.
I think so far I have the right path, but only time will tell, and emotions are not rational things.