round here we stay up very very very very late
Hi livejournal. I am overflowing with thoughts tonight so I think I will talk to you more than I usually do. Why am I overflowing? It's probably because I had a very long phone conversation with my old friend Jake. I'm very proud of how far he has come, he has a great idea of what he's doing with his life, and he's in love with a girl now who he met mostly because of advice he took from me. So that's awesome. Jake is probably one of the few people that both comprehends and agrees with some of my probably ridiculous theories about life, the universe, and infinity, and one of the few that I can actually stand lately...I just hate being around almost anyone lately..
I had a terrible day at work today, probably the worst one ever. I had to stay longer than I was scheduled aaand two hours past close. We had to set up and print some programs for a funeral and the funeral was the next morning so it just couldn't wait. and they gave us hardly any time and everything that could go wrong was going wrong. and "round here" by counting crows came on the store radio sometime during the evening, and after it played it was so stuck in my head, I know there were other songs playing but that's all that I could hear. and Amanda, if you read this, I was at work when you called and not asleep, thankyouverymuch.
I tried to draw up another one of my paint masterpieces but it didn't come out right because I am a terrible artist. It was going to depict a sea on which several ships were sailing, labelled "relation ships" on the side. In the middle would be me drowning, right in front of a ship heading straight for me.
I wish it was easier for me to just not care so much about people. I am trying this new thing where instead of recklessly jumping into a relationship I am cautious and wait.. the last (and first) time I tried it, it seemed like it was working and she said, "you can trust me, you'll see," and convinced me over time, but then it didn't work out and more come and go and one told me tonight the exact same thing, "you can trust me, you'll see," and how I am possibly supposed to believe that? I only grow more and more cynical with time. and I know I am writing this openly and I am sorry if it bothers you, anyone, but I doubt that it does and I feel like just writing down everything I think exactly as I think it right now, just like a real honest journal that you confess your every thought to, even though no one uses it that way because of secrets and not offending people and and and what the fuck ever. if you even read this. and isn't it weird how you can not have any desire to be with someone and yet every time you see a picture of them your chest hurts terribly? It doesn't make any sense.
I've been so busy but I think my favorite parts of the last few days have just been driving alone through the rain and listening to cursive or interpol. Moments like those just make me feel like everything is beautiful and give me a peace of mind that nothing else ever has. I hope that someday there will be someone I can share that feeling with; that they will be in the car and feeling the same way about the rain and music I do and turn to me and smile without saying anything and we will just know.
I seriously need to see War of the Worlds and FUCKING CHARLIE. I've been looking forward to all those movies for so long I can't believe I haven't seen any of them yet. At least I'll avoid the crowds.
It is time for change. again. still.
I had a terrible day at work today, probably the worst one ever. I had to stay longer than I was scheduled aaand two hours past close. We had to set up and print some programs for a funeral and the funeral was the next morning so it just couldn't wait. and they gave us hardly any time and everything that could go wrong was going wrong. and "round here" by counting crows came on the store radio sometime during the evening, and after it played it was so stuck in my head, I know there were other songs playing but that's all that I could hear. and Amanda, if you read this, I was at work when you called and not asleep, thankyouverymuch.
I tried to draw up another one of my paint masterpieces but it didn't come out right because I am a terrible artist. It was going to depict a sea on which several ships were sailing, labelled "relation ships" on the side. In the middle would be me drowning, right in front of a ship heading straight for me.
I wish it was easier for me to just not care so much about people. I am trying this new thing where instead of recklessly jumping into a relationship I am cautious and wait.. the last (and first) time I tried it, it seemed like it was working and she said, "you can trust me, you'll see," and convinced me over time, but then it didn't work out and more come and go and one told me tonight the exact same thing, "you can trust me, you'll see," and how I am possibly supposed to believe that? I only grow more and more cynical with time. and I know I am writing this openly and I am sorry if it bothers you, anyone, but I doubt that it does and I feel like just writing down everything I think exactly as I think it right now, just like a real honest journal that you confess your every thought to, even though no one uses it that way because of secrets and not offending people and and and what the fuck ever. if you even read this. and isn't it weird how you can not have any desire to be with someone and yet every time you see a picture of them your chest hurts terribly? It doesn't make any sense.
I've been so busy but I think my favorite parts of the last few days have just been driving alone through the rain and listening to cursive or interpol. Moments like those just make me feel like everything is beautiful and give me a peace of mind that nothing else ever has. I hope that someday there will be someone I can share that feeling with; that they will be in the car and feeling the same way about the rain and music I do and turn to me and smile without saying anything and we will just know.
I seriously need to see War of the Worlds and FUCKING CHARLIE. I've been looking forward to all those movies for so long I can't believe I haven't seen any of them yet. At least I'll avoid the crowds.
It is time for change. again. still.