Jun 07, 2005 08:00
i kinda stole this off some guys myspace but i thought it was good to reflect on.
well, here i am staring out the window, looking... watching cars drive past. all i can hear is the humming of this slow computer and the sound of yet another hate filled screamo song, the windows are closed and the air is thick and stale smelling of smoke. i can watch the smoke for just a second as it drifts off into away from its source then slowly disapears into air. just because the smoke isnt inside of me anymore doesnt mean it isnt hurting me.its come, made me feel better and its now gone leaving me in a worse off state than ever. its filled my lungs and left its mark inside of me where i cant see. i feel alot better as i inhale and breath in the relaxation.the relaxaton wont last long and my life wont either, the easier things get, the more relaxed i am, the closer thngs seem to be coming to an end. this feels although the worst day of my life, cigarette in one hand as i type away. so much stuff has happened to me of late , however i have nothing i want to write about, things fall apart thats all i have to say, everyone has something to find, when you have finally found that something you have been looking for all your life, its the greatest feeling of all time. however, no mater how hard you try, no matter what you do, the feeling wont last. you watch as wat has come across to be the best and only thing in your life slip away through your fingertips and fall to the ground and smash into tiny pieces. watching the best thing that has ever happened to you slip away is probably the second worst feeling ever but to turn around and walk away, to walk home, in an ooposite direction through the rain is harder,it is undoubtedlythe worst feeling of all time. after everything, after all the effort, after all that you have been through to turn your back , give up and walk away is the single most hardest thing anyone will ever have to do. theres nothing to achieve. usual after a hardship there is a reward . however to face the hardest thing of your life, and to stick through it with nothing but more unhapyness awaiting on the other side, makes things hardly seem worth it. some things arent worth it. no matter how great things can come across at one time, hours or even minutes later it can all be gone leaving you with nothing but depression and just that little bit closer to the end, the end of everything, not just the end of the greatest thing to ever happen to you , but the end of everything. the end of your life. good things, bad things, relationships and just life in general can be hard. hard enough for some people to completely give up altogeather. i dont know how people can give up so easily. but one thing leads to another and with one person quitting will always result in another person too giving up.