Lately...
"Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I realize that I have mostly been using my live journal as a vessel for complaining, lately. For that, I apologize. Really, who likes to hear/read incessant bitching and whining?
However, I do have to say that it's been a very bad summer for me. It's been full of stress, confusion, frustration and sadness. Some of it, I've brought on myself. Other aspects I have no control over. Friendship issues, family issues, work issues, education issues, vehicle issues -- I have so many issues lately, that I'm working up to a whole subscription. And, I've been worrying myself sick over all of it. I don't know how I am going to make it all come together. How it is all going to work.
I think I am depressed. I know for sure that I am not happy. I also know that I am feeling very unsettled. I have a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach -- and not the good ones. (Maybe more like bats in my stomach?) I have been very moody -- I don't think that a day has gone by this month where I have not cried. And I am going through phases where I won't be able to eat, then I cannot stop eating. Ugh. What to do?
And tonight, I started putting pictures from my CDs on to my computer. I am missing one CD, so I've been going through boxes of pictures looking for it. Pictures of my past. High school, graduation, Michigan State, Cedar Point... And it is making me long for...something. I don't know what. Home? But that can't be, because I'm longing for it in the Ohio pictures as well. The past? No... I was never very fond of the past...even when -- especially when -- it was the present. So, what? I'm not sure... But, I sure hope I figure it out soon. I absolutely hate feeling like this.
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
___________________________________________________
I realize that I have mostly been using my live journal as a vessel for complaining, lately. For that, I apologize. Really, who likes to hear/read incessant bitching and whining?
However, I do have to say that it's been a very bad summer for me. It's been full of stress, confusion, frustration and sadness. Some of it, I've brought on myself. Other aspects I have no control over. Friendship issues, family issues, work issues, education issues, vehicle issues -- I have so many issues lately, that I'm working up to a whole subscription. And, I've been worrying myself sick over all of it. I don't know how I am going to make it all come together. How it is all going to work.
I think I am depressed. I know for sure that I am not happy. I also know that I am feeling very unsettled. I have a constant feeling of butterflies in my stomach -- and not the good ones. (Maybe more like bats in my stomach?) I have been very moody -- I don't think that a day has gone by this month where I have not cried. And I am going through phases where I won't be able to eat, then I cannot stop eating. Ugh. What to do?
And tonight, I started putting pictures from my CDs on to my computer. I am missing one CD, so I've been going through boxes of pictures looking for it. Pictures of my past. High school, graduation, Michigan State, Cedar Point... And it is making me long for...something. I don't know what. Home? But that can't be, because I'm longing for it in the Ohio pictures as well. The past? No... I was never very fond of the past...even when -- especially when -- it was the present. So, what? I'm not sure... But, I sure hope I figure it out soon. I absolutely hate feeling like this.