(no subject)
It's been a while, and I'm going on holidays on Saturday so here's a goodbye post to make you all aware of my whereabouts, doings and general recent musings.
Whereabouts: Well, right now, my kitchen, on my laptop. The air is full of the smell of chocolate brownies. I went on a little baking spree today and yesterday, resulting in oaty cookies, chocolate chip cookies and chocolate brownies. This is for the purpose of getting incredibly stuffed tonight during the Indiana Jones movie marathon hosted by Niall. It's my way of buying love and attention- baking. Works pretty well with guys and requires no nudity. And I also get to enjoy the deliciousness.
My whereabouts on saturday shall alter drastically: no more shall I be found in Ireland, but Gozo. Yep, same teeny island I visited with Nial;l last summer. People keep asking me if I think I can deal with the memories that being there could bring back. I think it'll be ok. All the memories are happy memories, things with Niall and I are really good right now and I really look forward to leaving my phone at home, packing a big pile of books into my suitcase and lolling around in the sun for a week.
Doings: What have I been doing. Thats a good question. I'm sick. After Bundoran, my face swelled up, got a horrible throat infection, and it took a few days of antibiotics to get me back to even halfway normal. It's apparently due to my general business these last couple of years. Thew running, the studying. This semester especially. I was in college early every day to study extra, I'd go home after a long day of lectures then go for a run as soon as I changed my clothes... even in the rain. And throw in writing for the paper, taekwondo,not quite eating enough and trying to preserve vesitges of a social life... and I got tired. Very tired. Still am. So no exercise these days, although I like just going for wanders in the sun. Since I got better I've filled my days with bass playing, reading, music-listening, movie watching, friend seeing and catching up on normality. And baking. I met a guy in Fibbers on thursday before I left for Bundoran and we kept texting and such. After I got better we met up a couple of times. He was great, really nice, sweet, we had stuff in common, he's pretty goodlooking, finished college, older... all the things any girl could ask for. He wanted to go out and I turned him down. The thought of being someone's girlfriend makes me look around wildly for the nearest emergency exit. So I'm once again free and single. Random Asshole Dave who I got with at that party started texting me again... but never replies to MY texts... he's confusing. I'll keep him for emergencies I guess. If he wants to see me, fine, but I'm not going to kill myself trying to make him happy. I don't think either of us care enough to worry about it too much.
I shall place my general musings in an LJ cut because they are lengthy.
General Musings: Hmm... firstly, those radio ads for Dublin Pubs are possible the worst aural torture I could be subjected to. Stupid stupid stupid ads. STUPID!!! Ok, had to get that out of my system.
General love-related musings- I've finally found real contentment being single. It's so... relaxing. I'm such a busy person that any little bit of free time is a blessing, and the thought of having someone who I had the DUTY to see and spend time with on a regular basis is awful. Some nights I'll want to go out with my friends, or go to someone's house, or sit down with my family and watch a movie, or just sit on my ass in my room, painting my toenails and staring into space. And when you have a boyfriend, constantly asking "are you free? Can't you cancel that? Why can't you see me?" you can't DO those things, you can't veg out, free from guilt. At least I can't. And I used to get a feeling I don't get anymore. When I was with Darran and Niall, I'd get a tingly, warm, excited feeling when I was going to see them. Even if I had seen them the day before, I'd still be excited, I'd still do all those little things- hold hands, kiss, look at them and smile... now I don't seem to care anymore. Can't find that little spark that used to be there somewhere. I don't know is it due to general overdosing on romance over the last few years, what with two long term relationships and all the others thrown in between... or is it just that I've grown up. Is it that I don't believe in love anymore? I hope not. I'd like to feel those things again after a while, after a bit of a break to recharge. I'd like to find someone who makes me feel tingly again, someday. But it'll have to be SOMEONE, someone I care about, someone who seriously wows me, because people that "do" just don't make for good relationships. If I went out with every nice, sweet, ok-looking guy who expressed an interest in me I'd probably end up killing one of them. They have to be special. Pity I found Darran when we were both so ickle. Pity Niall had to come after that, when I really wasn't ready. But what can you do. I chatted to Darran on the phone last night for ages, had a really fun conversation with him. And tonight I'll be seeing Nill and feeding him artery-clogging chocolate concoctions. So I still have them, in a way. And friends are where its at really. They don't make those demands that boyfriends make. They like you even when you don't have makeup on and you look like hell, you don't have to be flirty and sexy. You can just be you.
Wow what a post. Definitely getting an LJ cut.
Whereabouts: Well, right now, my kitchen, on my laptop. The air is full of the smell of chocolate brownies. I went on a little baking spree today and yesterday, resulting in oaty cookies, chocolate chip cookies and chocolate brownies. This is for the purpose of getting incredibly stuffed tonight during the Indiana Jones movie marathon hosted by Niall. It's my way of buying love and attention- baking. Works pretty well with guys and requires no nudity. And I also get to enjoy the deliciousness.
My whereabouts on saturday shall alter drastically: no more shall I be found in Ireland, but Gozo. Yep, same teeny island I visited with Nial;l last summer. People keep asking me if I think I can deal with the memories that being there could bring back. I think it'll be ok. All the memories are happy memories, things with Niall and I are really good right now and I really look forward to leaving my phone at home, packing a big pile of books into my suitcase and lolling around in the sun for a week.
Doings: What have I been doing. Thats a good question. I'm sick. After Bundoran, my face swelled up, got a horrible throat infection, and it took a few days of antibiotics to get me back to even halfway normal. It's apparently due to my general business these last couple of years. Thew running, the studying. This semester especially. I was in college early every day to study extra, I'd go home after a long day of lectures then go for a run as soon as I changed my clothes... even in the rain. And throw in writing for the paper, taekwondo,not quite eating enough and trying to preserve vesitges of a social life... and I got tired. Very tired. Still am. So no exercise these days, although I like just going for wanders in the sun. Since I got better I've filled my days with bass playing, reading, music-listening, movie watching, friend seeing and catching up on normality. And baking. I met a guy in Fibbers on thursday before I left for Bundoran and we kept texting and such. After I got better we met up a couple of times. He was great, really nice, sweet, we had stuff in common, he's pretty goodlooking, finished college, older... all the things any girl could ask for. He wanted to go out and I turned him down. The thought of being someone's girlfriend makes me look around wildly for the nearest emergency exit. So I'm once again free and single. Random Asshole Dave who I got with at that party started texting me again... but never replies to MY texts... he's confusing. I'll keep him for emergencies I guess. If he wants to see me, fine, but I'm not going to kill myself trying to make him happy. I don't think either of us care enough to worry about it too much.
I shall place my general musings in an LJ cut because they are lengthy.
General Musings: Hmm... firstly, those radio ads for Dublin Pubs are possible the worst aural torture I could be subjected to. Stupid stupid stupid ads. STUPID!!! Ok, had to get that out of my system.
General love-related musings- I've finally found real contentment being single. It's so... relaxing. I'm such a busy person that any little bit of free time is a blessing, and the thought of having someone who I had the DUTY to see and spend time with on a regular basis is awful. Some nights I'll want to go out with my friends, or go to someone's house, or sit down with my family and watch a movie, or just sit on my ass in my room, painting my toenails and staring into space. And when you have a boyfriend, constantly asking "are you free? Can't you cancel that? Why can't you see me?" you can't DO those things, you can't veg out, free from guilt. At least I can't. And I used to get a feeling I don't get anymore. When I was with Darran and Niall, I'd get a tingly, warm, excited feeling when I was going to see them. Even if I had seen them the day before, I'd still be excited, I'd still do all those little things- hold hands, kiss, look at them and smile... now I don't seem to care anymore. Can't find that little spark that used to be there somewhere. I don't know is it due to general overdosing on romance over the last few years, what with two long term relationships and all the others thrown in between... or is it just that I've grown up. Is it that I don't believe in love anymore? I hope not. I'd like to feel those things again after a while, after a bit of a break to recharge. I'd like to find someone who makes me feel tingly again, someday. But it'll have to be SOMEONE, someone I care about, someone who seriously wows me, because people that "do" just don't make for good relationships. If I went out with every nice, sweet, ok-looking guy who expressed an interest in me I'd probably end up killing one of them. They have to be special. Pity I found Darran when we were both so ickle. Pity Niall had to come after that, when I really wasn't ready. But what can you do. I chatted to Darran on the phone last night for ages, had a really fun conversation with him. And tonight I'll be seeing Nill and feeding him artery-clogging chocolate concoctions. So I still have them, in a way. And friends are where its at really. They don't make those demands that boyfriends make. They like you even when you don't have makeup on and you look like hell, you don't have to be flirty and sexy. You can just be you.
Wow what a post. Definitely getting an LJ cut.