(Untitled)

[plainwhitewalls]

I just got home and I feel this overwhelming, deep-pitted sadness. I just feel like crying but I can't. It's weird because I've never had a problem with crying when I felt like it before. Hell, I've had more of a problem with controlling it then that. i just feel worthless and average and small and i dont know how to make it go away. john broke up

Comments

[xxxschnazzyxxx]

Okay, I haven't finished reading it all but I just want to say I understand you completely. I am trying so hard to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have nothing THAT special to offer either. Seriously, a little bit of last year and very much this year I have had nightmares and dreadful thoughts as to what the fuck I want. Every normal job is too normal sounding for me. I hate doctors, so why be one. Dentist? Never. Lawyer? It's not as shibby as they make it out to be on tv. I don't want to be an actress in fear of feeling inprisoned by the public eye [I'd have no life of my own]. So I thought outside the box lately, and I think I want to be maybe a photographer for National Geographic [this one lady had that job and she went to every place in the world. No joke. She even CLIMBED Mt. Everest!], or a hotel manager [the movie Red Eye gave me that idea because the girl loves it because she's a people pleaser. Well that's all my life is - pleasing my friends.], or a newscaster [I hate watching it, so it would be cool to BE on

[plainwhitewalls]

when i read that it seriously made me feel so much better. thanks for taking the time ali. and i know you meant it all too, well the stuff about me is a little exaggerated but idk thanks a bunch. im seeing u today!!

[plainwhitewalls]

that was a really lame comment back, sorry:/

[x0x0__broken]

aww nikki! Dont be upset. Well, I know nothing I say will make you think differently or anything so all I'm going to say is that if u need me, you know how to reach me and I'm here for u and I do know what it's like to feel this way sometimes. It happens to everyone but it just sucks to be like that. Like nothing really matters to u anymore. Yeah, and i get the whole "you're only doing that for attention" thing too. It must be a guy thing to say that. But yeah I hope you feel better, and just wanted to let you know you can call me anytime you feel like ranting to someone =]. And dont worry, I'll come save u during the storm lol ;]. I LOVE YOU!

♥

[plainwhitewalls]

it must be, huh? and thanks, im okay now though. i was having a bad day and a half is all. thanks for being there i know im being kind of distant. i hope things go the way u want with michael. u deserve to have something with a guy go the way u want:)

[x0x0__broken]

hehe yeah i have those days a lot and I act the same way u do so dont worry about it babe! I'm always here for u no matter how distant u get. And thanks, IDK with him though hes a confusing one lol. But i'll keep u posted =]. Love ya!

♥

[vi0letprison]

Hey Nikki, I know where your coming from.
I feel a lot of the samethings everyday.
I'm just so sick of my everyday routine,
and so ready for a change.
I know you must have a lot of your mind,
but I know you have a lot of friends that care very deeply for you,
including myself, and we are always here if you need someone to talk to.
But I know somethings need to be worked out from the inside.
I'm here and love you dearly
<3
britt

[plainwhitewalls]

i know you are, if u need to talk u can call me or anything too. im really glad u guys came over yesterday bcuz i wouldve been so not good the whole day. and as much as im a loser to admit it i kind of had a really good time sitting in that room with all those cats just talking to u. and it was cool that u felt cool talkng to me about your dad.
aww i love u too:)

pspspspsps your moms story about that hooker lady with the blackheads was hilarious

[singinulullabys]

I don't think you're doing this for attention, if that makes you feel better. You just need a hug. A huge hug. I would give you one. I'm really sorry that you feel like you're not special or signifigant or anything. You're really special and you just don't realize it. Whenever I think of politics or Laspadas or hobos or yellow notepads, I think of you (and ugly clothes). You make an impact in peoples lives. You should know and I really hope that you feel better.

[plainwhitewalls]

it makes me feel a little better to know that other ppl dont think that. i guess i care what ppl think more then id like to admit bcuz that bothered the hell out of me. and thanks:) hahah when i think of u i think of really pretty eye make up, my chemical romance, and that night when we were at your house and rolling around on the grass (which was a lot of fun:)) and idk thanks again, i do feel somewhat better

[cameo_role]

" we might not have school. i dont want that storm to come. "

Hate to break the news to you

[plainwhitewalls]

lame, but its ok i know u have issues with responding to emo posts

[cameo_role]

As long as you know it ain't because I don't care

[plainwhitewalls]

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww